This post originally ran on Truthdig contributor Juan Cole’s website.

Constitution, US: 1. An time-consuming optional document that can be abrogated for lack of time. 2. syn. politically correct (s.v.)

criminal: 1. syn. Mexican. 2. syn. Hillary Clinton.

family: accomplices. (As in, the families of ISIL members must be killed.)

fascism: (word not found in this dictionary).

forty thousand. syn. thirty million. As in, “ISIL has taken over most of the oil in the Middle East.” ISIL pumps roughly 40,000 barrels a day. Middle East output is roughly 30 million barrels a day.

Hawaiian. adj. syn. Kenyan.

Hillary: syn. 1. schlonged (s.v.) 2. criminal (s.v.)

immigration: n. A very bad thing that happens at borders without walls.

Jeb: n. lethargy.

journalist: n. 1. an object of hatred; 2. a liar.

kill: v. an action for the most part not performed on journalists despite their being hated.

liar: n. journalist.

lie: v. to contradict Trump.

Mexican: n. a person sent abroad by their government to commit crimes.

Muslim: n. 1. a suspect 2. someone who must be quarantined abroad while investigated.

narcissism. n. (word not found in this dictionary.)

oil. n. natural resource owned by the United States, wherever it is pumped.

political correctness: n. phrase. An extremely time-consuming opposition to racism. Hence Trump’s announcement that he doesn’t “have time” to be “politically correct.”

pour: v. to flow in reverse. As in, “illegal Mexican immigrants are pouring across our southern border.” ( In 2009-2014, an average of 200,000 Mexicans left the US annually, and 174,000 came to this country each year; i.e. more left than came.)

refugee: n. terrorist.

schlong. n. (Yiddish). a non-obscene word for large penis.

schlonged. adj. 1. a woman who has been bested by a man. 2. a woman.

stupid. adj. person who disagrees with Trump. Syn. liar.

Syria: n. a province of Russia.

Syrian: n. syn. Mexican (s.v.).

wall: n. 1. prerequisite for a country. 2. a Mexican gift, typically proffered under duress.


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