After it emerged that entire sections of George W. Bush’s new memoir, “Decision Points,” were plagiarized from books by former aides, The Borowitz Report asked our followers on Twitter to come up with the best plagiarized first line for the book.

After several hours of crowd-sourcing, here are the results (and thanks to the thousands of people who contributed):

— They were betterer times, they were worserer times.

— It is a Truth universally acknowledg’d that Halliburton must be in Want of a Presidency.

— Are you there, Satan? It’s me, George.

— The past is a foreign country; we need to blow it up.

— Midway through the journey of my life, I found myself in a dark wood, because I was shitfaced.

— A girl got a pet goat. She liked to go running with her pet goat.

— All children, except one, grow up.

— If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to do is talk to Cheney.

— Goodnight, Kanye.

— My momma always said life was like a jar of fetus.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2010 Creators Syndicate

Wait, before you go…

If you're reading this, you probably already know that non-profit, independent journalism is under threat worldwide. Independent news sites are overshadowed by larger heavily funded mainstream media that inundate us with hype and noise that barely scratch the surface. We believe that our readers deserve to know the full story. Truthdig writers bravely dig beneath the headlines to give you thought-provoking, investigative reporting and analysis that tells you what’s really happening and who’s rolling up their sleeves to do something about it.

Like you, we believe a well-informed public that doesn’t have blind faith in the status quo can help change the world. Your contribution of as little as $5 monthly or $35 annually will make you a groundbreaking member and lays the foundation of our work.

Support Truthdig