Samantha Bee Gets Michelle Branch to Sing Most Fitting, Hilarious Goodbye Song to Ted Cruz (Video)
“Goodbye, you creepy soup-hoarding ghoul,” the singer chanted on Monday’s episode of “Full Frontal.” “I want to punch you and ignore you at the same time.”
Here are the lyrics to the full song:
“Goodbye, Ted Cruz”
Of all the things you believed in We just wanted to get it over with Nothing behind your eyes And you made us cry Counting the ways that you would lie.
You’d been sliding deep down in the polls. A hundred cans of Chunky Soup fillin’ up your bowl. Looks like your campaign has come to an end When Carly is your only friend, and I say,
Goodbye Ted Cruz Goodbye, we always knew you would lose You were the one we loathed, The campaign no one tried to hold on to.
You were so easy to despise And it seems like we can’t do a show without you. Elbowed your wife, And your dad killed JFK, And you’re the Zodiac Killer at night. … I know I’m right.
Goodbye Ted Cruz Won’t miss your lizard face on the news You were the one we loathed The campaign no one tried to hold on to.
I want to punch you and ignore you at the same time You think that bathroom use should be a crime. Please let me hear you say it one last time! (Ted Cruz: “Why am I persecuted?”)
Goodbye Ted Cruz You covered everything with your ooze You were the one we loathed The campaign no one tried to hold on to
Goodbye Ted Cruz Goodbye, you creepy soup-hoarding ghoul You’re Heidi’s problem now The campaign no one tried to hold on to The campaign no one tried to hold on to
After the darkness always comes the dawn Also Kasich’s gone.
— Posted by Natasha Hakimi ZapataWAIT, BEFORE YOU GO…
If you're reading this, you probably already know that non-profit, independent journalism is under threat worldwide. Independent news sites are overshadowed by larger heavily funded mainstream media that inundate us with hype and noise that barely scratch the surface. We believe that our readers deserve to know the full story. Truthdig writers bravely dig beneath the headlines to give you thought-provoking, investigative reporting and analysis that tells you what’s really happening and who’s rolling up their sleeves to do something about it.
Like you, we believe a well-informed public that doesn’t have blind faith in the status quo can help change the world. Your contribution of as little as $5 monthly or $35 annually will make you a groundbreaking member and lays the foundation of our work.