Fake news by Andy Borowitz

NEW YORK — In a settlement of the government’s securities fraud case against Goldman Sachs, the bank’s CEO, Lloyd Blankfein, has agreed to perform two years of community service as treasury secretary of the United States.

At a press conference in New York, Blankfein said that as treasury secretary he would “continue to do God’s work as I did at Goldman, but at a significant pay cut.” A Treasury Department spokesperson said that by performing community service as treasury secretary, Blankfein will do less harm to the economy because he will have significantly less power than he had as chairman of Goldman.

His experience at Goldman, however, will be “invaluable” in his new role as treasury secretary, the spokesperson said: “Lloyd Blankfein’s years of marketing worthless securities have prepared him for the important task of selling Treasuries to the Chinese.”

Blankfein is the latest in a long line of Goldman chairmen to serve as treasury secretary, although he is believed to be the first to do so while wearing an electronic ankle bracelet.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2010 Creators Syndicate

Wait, before you go…

If you're reading this, you probably already know that non-profit, independent journalism is under threat worldwide. Independent news sites are overshadowed by larger heavily funded mainstream media that inundate us with hype and noise that barely scratch the surface. We believe that our readers deserve to know the full story. Truthdig writers bravely dig beneath the headlines to give you thought-provoking, investigative reporting and analysis that tells you what’s really happening and who’s rolling up their sleeves to do something about it.

Like you, we believe a well-informed public that doesn’t have blind faith in the status quo can help change the world. Your contribution of as little as $5 monthly or $35 annually will make you a groundbreaking member and lays the foundation of our work.

Support Truthdig