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Seems like following Jack LaLanne's fitness tips pays off -- at least for Jack LaLanne -- as the iconic health guru, who made his way into the living rooms and kitchens of American housewives in the 1950s and stuck by his regimen .

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In a surprising new study, a fake scientist consulted by the source that at least admits it makes everything up, the Onion News Network, suggests that Americans perform the bulk of their fitness regimes while in a state of acute inebriation.

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Following on the heels of last week's probing editorial about whether the creators of "The Dark Knight" are closeted Bush fans hankering to spread their (W-shaped) bat wings in full daylight comes this latest round of barrel-scraping for political analysis by The Wall Street Journal -- this time daring to wonder whether Barack Obama shouldn't hit the McDonald's drive-through a bit harder if he really wants to win this thing.

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