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Ear to the Ground

How You Personally Could Get Screwed by Paul Ryan

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Posted on Aug 13, 2012
Flickr/Donkey Hokey

A caricature of Paul Ryan.

Are you poor? Female? A student? A veteran? Planning on growing old? Zach Woods of “The Office”? Well, congratulations! If Mitt Romney is elected president, then you’re definitely going to get screwed by his running mate Paul Ryan! (And not in a good way.)

Gawker has compiled a fairly extensive list of just how exactly you will personally suffer under a Romney-Ryan administration.

For example, if you’re poor, Ryan thinks you should pay even more taxes. That’s right, under the Ryan budget, those making less than $30,000 will pay more taxes while also getting fewer government services. It’s a double screw!

And if you’re a woman, here’s hoping you won’t have to go to Planned Parenthood for any medical reason during a Romney presidency, because Ryan has voted to defund that. He has also voted against the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, and he’s a strong proponent of life beginning at the moment of conception to boot. (But hey girl, he’s doing it all for you…so it’s all good, right?)

Are you a student? You’re really screwed then. Under the Ryan plan, Pell Grants will be even tougher to get, and they’ll be worth less. For those on student loans, your interest rate will double from 3.4 to 6.8 percent, ensuring Ryan can continue to screw you over for years and years and years to come.

The list goes on. Veterans will be screwed because Ryan’s budget will cut $11 billion from their budget. Those planning on turning 65 will be screwed because Paul Ryan wants to get rid of Medicare as we know it. And Zach Woods will be screwed because…well…because he looks like Paul Ryan.

Heck, even Joe Biden gets screwed in this equation. After all, we’re just going to go ahead and assume that Ryan actually reads newspapers and has an inkling of what’s going on in the world, so he will actually have to prepare for the vice presidential debates this time around.

In fact, the only people who won’t get screwed in all of this are the rich. Which gives us all a few months head start to make those first few millions (or maybe billions—you know, just to be on the safe side).

—Posted by Tracy Bloom.

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