World Is Flat and Full of Meringue

Thomas Friedman, global capitalist and semantically inept columnist for The New York Times, was gastronomically assaulted by pie-throwers at Brown University on Earth Day this week. At issue was Friedman’s laissez-faire attitude toward solving global environmental issues, which protesters felt was structurally inadequate and ultimately regressive.

U.S. News & World Report:

New York Times columnist Tom Friedman — globalization’s well-versed Joan of Arc — was pied in the face yesterday evening at Brown University, the Brown Daily Herald reports. Just as the writer was about to begin his lecture, a female audience member in the front row “leapt” out of her seat and threw a bright-green pie in his face. Immediately after, a male accomplice jumped onstage and distributed fliers explaining the stunt. The “Greenwash Guerillas,” as they called themselves, then ran out of the auditorium. The woman has been apprehended by campus police.

The pamphlets thrown to audience members identified the pair as activists who were acting “on behalf of the earth” and “all true environmentalists” and contained five bullet points explaining why “Thomas Friedman deserves a pie in the face.” These include “his sickeningly cheery applaud for free market capitalism’s conquest of the planet” and “for helping turn environmentalism into a fake plastic consumer product for the privileged.”

The pamphlets said Friedman’s idea of “green” was “as fake and toxic to human and planetary health” as the artificial cream on his face.

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