Unemployment Rose Last Week by Two and a Half Men

Fake news by Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON — The economic recovery received an unexpected jolt today as the Labor Department announced that unemployment increased last week by two and a half men.

The 2.5 jobs were lost in the Los Angeles area and are “gone forever,” a Labor Department spokesman said in a surprisingly downbeat assessment.

But in a possible boost for the California economy, pharmaceutical giant Pfizer today announced plans to begin marketing a new blockbuster drug called Charlie Sheen. A bill is already moving through the California Assembly that would make the drug Charlie Sheen legal for medicinal purposes.

But Carol Foyler, a spokeswoman for a leading anti-drug group in the state, warns that legalizing Charlie Sheen could have “disastrous effects.”

“The drug Charlie Sheen is a gateway drug that leads to harder stuff, like the drug Mel Gibson,” she said.

In other news, the big winner at the Academy Awards was James Franco’s dealer.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.”

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