Unemployment Rose Last Week by Two and a Half Men
But in a possible boost for the California economy, pharmaceutical giant Pfizer today announced plans to begin marketing a new blockbuster drug called Charlie Sheen.Fake news by Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON — The economic recovery received an unexpected jolt today as the Labor Department announced that unemployment increased last week by two and a half men.
The 2.5 jobs were lost in the Los Angeles area and are “gone forever,” a Labor Department spokesman said in a surprisingly downbeat assessment.
But in a possible boost for the California economy, pharmaceutical giant Pfizer today announced plans to begin marketing a new blockbuster drug called Charlie Sheen. A bill is already moving through the California Assembly that would make the drug Charlie Sheen legal for medicinal purposes.
But Carol Foyler, a spokeswoman for a leading anti-drug group in the state, warns that legalizing Charlie Sheen could have “disastrous effects.”
“The drug Charlie Sheen is a gateway drug that leads to harder stuff, like the drug Mel Gibson,” she said.
In other news, the big winner at the Academy Awards was James Franco’s dealer.
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.”
© 2011 CREATORS SYNDICATE
Your support matters…Independent journalism is under threat and overshadowed by heavily funded mainstream media.
You can help level the playing field. Become a member.
Your tax-deductible contribution keeps us digging beneath the headlines to give you thought-provoking, investigative reporting and analysis that unearths what's really happening- without compromise.
Give today to support our courageous, independent journalists.
There are trillions of reasons whistleblowers might want to sound the alarm in the first place.
What do a professed love for women, a so-called commitment to family values, a culture of social change and institutionalized rape have in common?
The first quarter of 2011 has ushered in the year of the “mad man.” Sadly, this idea is being turned into a commodity that can be consumed repeatedly across a range of media outlets.
The first quarter of 2011 has ushered in the year of the “mad man.”
You need to be a supporter to comment.
There are currently no responses to this article.
Be the first to respond.