Unemployment Rose Last Week by Two and a Half Men
Fake news by Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON — The economic recovery received an unexpected jolt today as the Labor Department announced that unemployment increased last week by two and a half men.
The 2.5 jobs were lost in the Los Angeles area and are “gone forever,” a Labor Department spokesman said in a surprisingly downbeat assessment.
But in a possible boost for the California economy, pharmaceutical giant Pfizer today announced plans to begin marketing a new blockbuster drug called Charlie Sheen. A bill is already moving through the California Assembly that would make the drug Charlie Sheen legal for medicinal purposes.
But Carol Foyler, a spokeswoman for a leading anti-drug group in the state, warns that legalizing Charlie Sheen could have “disastrous effects.”
“The drug Charlie Sheen is a gateway drug that leads to harder stuff, like the drug Mel Gibson,” she said.
In other news, the big winner at the Academy Awards was James Franco’s dealer.
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.”
© 2011 CREATORS SYNDICATEWAIT, BEFORE YOU GO…
If you're reading this, you probably already know that non-profit, independent journalism is under threat worldwide. Independent news sites are overshadowed by larger heavily funded mainstream media that inundate us with hype and noise that barely scratch the surface. We believe that our readers deserve to know the full story. Truthdig writers bravely dig beneath the headlines to give you thought-provoking, investigative reporting and analysis that tells you what’s really happening and who’s rolling up their sleeves to do something about it.
Like you, we believe a well-informed public that doesn’t have blind faith in the status quo can help change the world. Your contribution of as little as $5 monthly or $35 annually will make you a groundbreaking member and lays the foundation of our work.