Palin’s Secret to Instant Knowledge
GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin said today that she was "delighted" with her performance in a much-publicized ABC News interview with Charlie Gibson and gave credit to her "trusty Magic 8-Ball" for helping her come up with answers to "some darn tricky questions," according to this satirical report.GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin said today that she was “delighted” with her performance in a much-publicized ABC News interview with Charlie Gibson and gave credit to her “trusty Magic 8-Ball” for helping her come up with answers to “some darn tricky questions.”
“Charlie brought his A-game, that’s for darn sure,” Gov. Palin said after her interview. “That’s why it’s a good thing I had my Magic 8-Ball with me.”
During the interview broadcast on ABC, the Alaska governor was seen shaking her Magic 8-Ball after each question before responding to Mr. Gibson.
All in all, Gov. Palin responded to more than 80 of the ABC newsman’s questions with only three answers, believed to be a record for a nationally broadcast interview with a major political figure.
“Terrorists are hell-bent on destroying us,” Gov. Palin said no fewer than 19 times.
“I believe that America must do what we can to be strong,” she said 15 times.
“Reply hazy — try again,” she said nine times.
Occasionally, she attempted an ad-lib, usually the word “Charlie,” which she used more than 1,000 times.
All in all, Gov. Palin said she was “pleased as punch” by her performance, despite having told Mr. Gibson that the United States should invade Russia.
When asked by reporters where she got her answer to the Russia question, Gov. Palin replied, “My Magic 8-Ball got stuck on that one, so I asked God.”
On the campaign trail, GOP presidential nominee John McCain said he was “thrilled” with Gov. Palin’s performance, adding that she would be shipped to Alaska and frozen in a block of ice for the remainder of the campaign.
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”
© 2008 Creators Syndicate Inc.
WAIT, BEFORE YOU GO…If you're reading this, you probably already know that non-profit, independent journalism is under threat worldwide. Independent news sites are overshadowed by larger heavily funded mainstream media that inundate us with hype and noise that barely scratch the surface. We believe that our readers deserve to know the full story. Truthdig writers bravely dig beneath the headlines to give you thought-provoking, investigative reporting and analysis that tells you what’s really happening and who’s rolling up their sleeves to do something about it.
Like you, we believe a well-informed public that doesn’t have blind faith in the status quo can help change the world. Your contribution of as little as $5 monthly or $35 annually will make you a groundbreaking member and lays the foundation of our work.
Opinion
But the implications of increasing secularization aren't clear.
Tom Catena, who risks his life daily to provide medical care in an African war zone, examines what it means to be a good Samaritan.
Now that fundamentalists have their man in the White House, they are running another assault on democracy that would make the late televangelist Jerry Falwell proud.
Celebrating Mass with impoverished people in the splendor of St. Peter’s Basilica, Pope Francis denounces those who dismiss poverty as "not my business."
The head of the Los Angeles Archdiocese believes the solution must balance love and law with justice and mercy -- regardless of legal status.The head of the Los Angeles Archdiocese believes the solution must balance love and law with justice and mercy—regardless of legal status.
There are currently no responses to this article.
Be the first to respond.