Palin’s Secret to Instant Knowledge

GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin said today that she was “delighted” with her performance in a much-publicized ABC News interview with Charlie Gibson and gave credit to her “trusty Magic 8-Ball” for helping her come up with answers to “some darn tricky questions.”

“Charlie brought his A-game, that’s for darn sure,” Gov. Palin said after her interview. “That’s why it’s a good thing I had my Magic 8-Ball with me.”

During the interview broadcast on ABC, the Alaska governor was seen shaking her Magic 8-Ball after each question before responding to Mr. Gibson.

All in all, Gov. Palin responded to more than 80 of the ABC newsman’s questions with only three answers, believed to be a record for a nationally broadcast interview with a major political figure.

“Terrorists are hell-bent on destroying us,” Gov. Palin said no fewer than 19 times.

“I believe that America must do what we can to be strong,” she said 15 times.

“Reply hazy — try again,” she said nine times.

Occasionally, she attempted an ad-lib, usually the word “Charlie,” which she used more than 1,000 times.

All in all, Gov. Palin said she was “pleased as punch” by her performance, despite having told Mr. Gibson that the United States should invade Russia.

When asked by reporters where she got her answer to the Russia question, Gov. Palin replied, “My Magic 8-Ball got stuck on that one, so I asked God.”

On the campaign trail, GOP presidential nominee John McCain said he was “thrilled” with Gov. Palin’s performance, adding that she would be shipped to Alaska and frozen in a block of ice for the remainder of the campaign.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2008 Creators Syndicate Inc.