Get Your Own Smear Tactics

Satire by Andy Borowitz The Democratic race for president has descended to “a level of meanness and acrimony that is damaging to American politics,” the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth said today.

The Swift Boat group, which became famous in 2004 for attacking Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry, said that it was speaking out because “the current Democratic contest is giving Swift-boating a bad name.”

“We have increasingly heard pundits accusing Clinton and Obama of Swift-boating each other,” said Swift Boat Veteran Tracy Klugian. “This hurts the reputation of Swift-boating.”

Mr. Klugian was quick to draw a distinction between what Sens. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are doing and Swift-boating, which he called “a noble profession.”

“When you try to destroy a member of another party, that’s Swift-boating,” said Mr. Klugian. “When you do it to a member of your own party, that’s cannibalism.”

He said that the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth would soon air ads attacking both Democratic candidates for sullying the reputation of Swift-boating.

“Tear each other up if you want to, but don’t take Swift-boating down with you,” he said. “That’s just unfair.”

The Swift Boat Veterans’ statement came on the heels of a similar statement by the Weather Underground, a 1960s radical group that has been tied to both the Obama and Clinton camps over the past week.

“We denounce and reject both candidates,” said the Weather Underground, which has seen its approval ratings plummet in recent days.

Elsewhere, CNN’s Larry King said he would continue his series on polygamy, saying that he was uniquely qualified to discuss people who had more than five wives.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2008 Creators Syndicate