Trading on Wall Street stopped for more than three and a half hours Wednesday after a computer glitch caused a major outage — but artist and writer Molly Crabapple was there, and she knows it was not a glitch!

“I wake up from my whiskey stupor to the scent of burning motherboards, and I know that something is wrong,” Crabapple wrote in The Guardian amid speculation over what had happened.

“Out the window in New York’s Financial District, two men in torn bespoke suits roast a body over an oil drum. It looks like Thomas Friedman’s, but I can’t be sure.”

“Brother can you spare a bitcoin?” one screams.

In the distance, I see fire.

I haul myself up, wipe the cigarette ash from my hair, and put on a flak jacket made solely from Golden Parachutes. “War. Horror. Hatred. Death.” I say, to no one in particular. “Looks like I’m gonna get a fucking Peabody.”

“Reporting live from the frontlines of #NYSEDown!” I tell my phone cam. Then I run out the door.

Continue with Crabapple’s dispatch, learning what became of JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon and which harvested body parts were offered up to the Google Data Center, here.

— Posted by Alexander Reed Kelly.

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