Domestic Surveillance Begins at Home
The satirist writes that just-resigned Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' motivation is that he wants to spend more time eavesdropping on his family.Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned Monday, effective immediately, telling reporters that he wanted to spend more time eavesdropping on his family.
Mr. Gonzales, a champion of domestic surveillance and warrantless wiretaps while in office, said he was “totally stoked” about turning his prying eyes on his own family.
“Domestic surveillance begins at home,” Mr. Gonzales said at a White House press conference. “That means nobody in my family is above suspicion, not even the little ones,” an apparent reference to Mr. Gonzales’ children.
Standing by Mr. Gonzales’ side, President George W. Bush praised his former attorney general, singling out his “courage” for ramping up his domestic spying program on his own family.
“If every head of every household was as willing to eavesdrop on his own family as my man Alberto is, we wouldn’t need a Homeland Security Department,” Mr. Bush chuckled.
Mr. Gonzales was noncommittal when a reporter asked him a question about the role that waterboarding and other forms of torture might play in his interrogation of family members.
“Nothing is off the table,” he said.
Asked about his tenure as attorney general, Mr. Gonzales was candid about his stormy time in office: “Frankly, I can’t believe it took this long for them to can me.”
Elsewhere, the National Football League released an official statement stressing its opposition to hurting animals while reaffirming its support for hurting humans.
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”
© 2007 Creators Syndicate Inc.
Your support matters…Independent journalism is under threat and overshadowed by heavily funded mainstream media.
You can help level the playing field. Become a member.
Your tax-deductible contribution keeps us digging beneath the headlines to give you thought-provoking, investigative reporting and analysis that unearths what's really happening- without compromise.
Give today to support our courageous, independent journalists.
Forget WikiLeaks, speeches to Goldman Sachs and the behind-the-scenes machinations of John Podesta. The FBI director’s letter to Congress was the ultimate October surprise.
After mischaracterizing a law governing medical marijuana distribution, the president who refused to prosecute those who led the U.S. into an indefinite war on terror told a Rolling Stone interviewer last month that he couldn't ask the Justice Department to "turn the other way" when it comes to potential violations of medical marijuana use.
How exactly does an administration lose millions of e-mails? However it happened, 22 million Bush-era White House e-mails have been recovered, and more may be found. The content, however, probably won't be made public for years.
Seems like even those Bushies who didn't manage to make it to the end of the W. age with their political reputations intact are popping up with brand new jobs; take, for example, former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who's slated to teach a political science course at Texas Tech University this fall.
The Bush administration may have exited the proverbial building, but that isn't stopping certain House Democrats, such as House Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers, from taking Bush sidekick Karl Rove to task for his potential role in the Justice Department's pink-slipping of several U.S. attorneys in 2006.
Read the devastating bipartisan report from the Senate Armed Services Committee that indicts high-level Bush administration officials -- including former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld -- as bearing major responsibility for the torture at Abu Gharib, Guantanamo, and other detention facilities.
You need to be a supporter to comment.
There are currently no responses to this article.
Be the first to respond.