Buck Up, Wolfie: There’s Always eHarmony
The satirist reports that the World Bank president's girlfriend no longer feels she can function effectively in that role and has decided to start seeing other banks.In yet another setback for the embattled World Bank president, Paul Wolfowitz’s girlfriend, Shaha Riza, announced today that she was resigning as Mr. Wolfowitz’s girlfriend, “effective immediately.”
While Ms. Riza’s role in the conflict-of-interest scandal involving Mr. Wolfowitz and the World Bank had placed her in the eye of the media storm, few had expected her to relinquish her girlfriend post without a fight.
But according to a source close to Ms. Riza, the increasing pressure on the high-profile couple in recent days had convinced her that she “could no longer function effectively as Paul Wolfowitz’s girlfriend.”
A joint communiqué released by the couple indicated that the decision to leave her girlfriend post was entirely Ms. Riza’s, but sources close to Mr. Wolfowitz suggest that the idea had originated not with her but with the World Bank president himself.
According to one source, “Paul had dinner with Shaha last night and told her they should start seeing other banks.”
News of Ms. Riza’s departure sparked speculation that Mr. Wolfowitz’s might have difficulty acquiring a new girlfriend, but according to Vice President Dick Cheney, who has served as Mr. Wolfowitz’s unofficial “wingman” for years, nothing could be further from the truth.
“The fact that the World Bank found Paul guilty of wrongdoing gives him an air of danger,” Mr. Cheney said. “The ladies dig that.”
Elsewhere, after a welcoming speech in which he suggested that Queen Elizabeth II was over 230 years old, President Bush attempted to mend his verbal slip, saying “the old girl doesn’t look a day over 130.”
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”
© 2007 Creators Syndicate
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