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Borowitz: U.S. May Not Be Able to Invade Countries for No Reason Due to Cuts

Tracy Bloom
Assistant Editor
Tracy Bloom left broadcast news to study at USC's Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism. There she eventually became deputy editor of Neon Tommy, the most-trafficked online-only college website in…
Tracy Bloom

One good thing might come out of the sequester, according to comedian Andy Borowitz. In a satirical report for The New Yorker, he writes that the budget cuts may prevent American forces from invading other countries for absolutely no reason.

“Historically, the United States has stood ready and able to throw billions of dollars at a military campaign with no clear rationale or well-defined objective,” said definitely-not-real Pentagon spokesman Harland Dorrinson. “Our capacity to wage war willy-nilly is now in jeopardy.”

If only this weren’t a joke.

The New Yorker:

The Pentagon made this gloomy assessment amid widespread fears that the nation’s ability to wage totally optional wars based on bogus pretexts may be in peril.

…In the past, Mr. Dorrinson said, the Pentagon has had the resources to fight three meaningless and completely random wars at any given time, “but now in our planning meetings we are cutting that number back to two.”

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R—S.C.) agreed about the catastrophic effects of the Pentagon cuts, telling reporters, “The ability of the United States to project its military power in an arbitrary and totally capricious way must never be compromised.”

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— Posted by Tracy Bloom.

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