Andy Borowitz: Bush Awards Gibson Medal of Freedom
"You have taken people's attention from the mess I have made of things," the political satirist quoted Bush as saying. "And that's something that even talking about phony issues like gay marriage and immigration could not do."In a stunning moment of redemption for the embattled actor Mel Gibson, President George W. Bush today awarded him the Presidential Medal of Freedom, telling the star, “Thanks for taking the heat off me this week.”
Mr. Bush, who has spent the summer floundering amid crises in North Korea, Iran, Iraq and Lebanon, said that Mr. Gibson’s DUI arrest and subsequent anti-Semitic tirade had distracted the media and the American people for a solid week, “And for that I am eternally grateful.”
“You have taken people’s attention from the mess I have made of things,” Mr. Bush said. “And that’s something that even talking about phony issues like gay marriage and immigration could not do.”
Mr. Bush said that the Gibson scandal had given him the “first real vacation I have had all summer.”
Mr. Gibson accepted the coveted medal graciously, telling the president, “The only thing I value more than this medal is my deep and abiding love for every Jew in the world.”
But even as Mr. Bush praised Mr. Gibson for drawing the American people’s attention away from his disastrous performance as president, he acknowledged that the distraction provided by the Hollywood star’s personal meltdown would not last forever.
“Other celebrities must step up and fill the void once this scandal dies down,” Mr. Bush said. “And that means it is time for Paris Hilton to release another sex tape.”
Elsewhere, Michael Jackson’s lawyers announced today that they were quitting in order to work for a less difficult client, Saddam Hussein.
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the new book “The Republican Playbook,” to be published in October. To find out more about Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate website, www.creators.com.
WAIT, BEFORE YOU GO…If you're reading this, you probably already know that non-profit, independent journalism is under threat worldwide. Independent news sites are overshadowed by larger heavily funded mainstream media that inundate us with hype and noise that barely scratch the surface. We believe that our readers deserve to know the full story. Truthdig writers bravely dig beneath the headlines to give you thought-provoking, investigative reporting and analysis that tells you what’s really happening and who’s rolling up their sleeves to do something about it.
Like you, we believe a well-informed public that doesn’t have blind faith in the status quo can help change the world. Your contribution of as little as $5 monthly or $35 annually will make you a groundbreaking member and lays the foundation of our work.
The 32nd president understood that rampant inequality could unleash the "spirit of fascism" at home. It's a lesson worth revisiting.
Their backing of a president who orders toxic treatment of immigrants betrays the history of a country that welcomed their forebears from oppressive regimes.
Injustice hunting has become the new favorite pastime of Americans instead of addressing the problems at their roots.
The real news is out there to be found, and it's up to all of us to find it.
The conspiracy involved many, and his blood is on the hands of the same politicos, pundits and establishment puppets who now celebrate him.
Actions in the United States that are illegal versus legal are inverted from what they should be in an evolved culture.
There are currently no responses to this article.
Be the first to respond.