5 Nuttiest Right-Wing Moments This Week: ‘Respectable’ Marco Rubio Spins Insane Conspiracy Theory

By Janet Allon, AlterNetThis article was originally published on AlterNet.

The pope came to Washington and spoke some sense this week, but hard-right Christians didn’t seem to get the message. Here are five unhinged moments from some of the men who would be president.

1. Marco Rubio digs in deep with insane thoughts about women and abortion.

Cloaked in a veneer of respectability and so-called sanity, Marco Rubio manages to say some of the most stunningly crazy things about women and abortion. During an interview with an Iowa TV station this week, Rubio spun a truly bonkers conspiracy theory about the abortion “industry” that seemed based on the recent hit-job hoax film about a Planned Parenthood that exists only in the fevered “pro-life” imagination.

“Because now what you’ve done is you’ve created an industry,” he told the interviewer. “You’ve created an incentive for people to be pushed into abortions so that those tissues can be harvested and sold for a profit.”

Yup, looney tunes. His host was skeptical, asking, “Don’t you think that’s a stretch? Pushing people into abortions?” But Rubio was undaunted and proceeded to imply that women are awfully dumb.

“If you go to one of these centers, young women are provided very few options,” he said, not that he has ever been to one of these centers, or apparently known any young women. “In many places, they’re not told anything about, for example, adoption services that might be available to them . … In essence, you come in and it’s already predetermined. … This is what this place does. It provides abortions, and we are going to channel you in that direction.”

Actually, Mr. Rubio, older women get abortions too, and people seeking abortions are, well, already seeking abortions, not being talked into them by dastardly healthcare providers. It got worse, and crazier, and even more misogynist, culminating in the absurd statement that women now look forward to having abortions because that means payday!

“I just think you’ve created an industry now….” Rubio said, “a situation where very much, you’ve created an incentive for people not just to look forward to having more abortions, but being able to sell that fetal tissue.”

That is certifiably insane.

2. Donald Trump waves Bible, and stamps feet: ‘I want Christmas.’

Donald Trump figured he’d have some difficulty convincing attendees of the right-wing Christian Value Voters Summit that he was sufficiently Christian, being from Sin City and all. So he brought a Bible along, waved it in the air, and said it was the reason he is leading the polls in Iowa.

Praise Jesus!

Speaking of being Christian, Trump free associated, let’s talk about Christmas and how those mean old progressives are being all mean about it.

“You go to stores, you don’t see Christmas,” the Donald said. “It says Happy Holidays. I want Christmas, I tell my wife, don’t go to those stores. No, I want Christmas. Because Christmas … remember the expression Merry Christmas? You don’t see it anymore. You’re gonna see it if I get elected, I can tell you right now. I can tell you right now.”

After those deep thoughts, he babbled on a bit about how he sees all these problems caused by incompetence, and it could all be turned around pretty easily (by him), but it might all be too late to turn around pretty soon, whatever it all is. Like reinstating the phrase “Merry Christmas,” we suppose.

3. Jeb manages to insult black voters á la Romney’s 47 percent gaffe.

At a campaign stop in South Carolina, Jeb Bush was jawing away in front of one of his typical lily-white crowds, when someone asked him how Republicans might appeal to African American voters. First, Bush mentioned that some of his best staff members are black, and explained how when he speaks Spanish, he does not mean it as an insult to America. Then he proceeded to insult black people in a way that immediately conjured up Mitt Romney’s infamous 47 percent remark.

Here’s what he said:

“Think about it this way, Republicans get 4-7 percent of the African-American vote. … If you double that, you win elections in Ohio, Virginia. And we should make that case, because our message is one of hope and aspiration. It isn’t one of division — “’get in line, we’ll take care of you with free stuff.’” Our message is uplifting, that says, “’You can achieve earned success. We’re on your side.'”

You gotta hand it to him. Bush packed a remarkable amount of insulting and offensive racial stereotyping in that one little tone-deaf statement. Romney’s 47 percent theory was bad, but not explicitly about black voters, though certainly that code was embedded in his theorizing about the 47 percent of people who would vote for Obama no matter what and are dependent on the government.

Nope, Bush just came right out and said that black voters like free stuff, and they don’t know about “earned success,” so we’ll teach them about it.

That “uplifting” message is bound to win over African American voters big time.No doubt Bush, á la Romney, will attempt to explain how he did not actually say what he said, was quoted out of context, or perhaps did not understand the question, or was himself, misunderstood.

4. Rick Santorum wishes God could bless America, but right now America is too much of a sinner.

Rick Santorum does not need to wave a Bible around to prove to those Value Voters Summit attendees that he is one true-believing holy roller.

The Summit is one of Santorum’s favorite events. He’s attended every single one for the last 10 years, he told the crowd. Then he bragged about how people say he has not changed one bit in 20 years, so that about sums up his views on evolution. He’s not having any of it. Then he told these like-minded Christians that God has forsaken Amurrica, because women have the right to choose when to have children, and gay people can get married. Not in so many words. He never mentioned women or gay people, but the crowd got it and loved the implication.

“America is never going to be a great country if we’re a country that kills our children in the womb,” Santorum shouted. “Ever! We’re never going to be blessed by God if we’re a country that kills our children in the womb. We are never going to be a great country if we allow for the destruction of the American family, that’s what’s happened over the last 50 years.”

It was not easy, but America’s conservative Christians have moved conisderably to the right of the pope, who seems to be under the delusion that women who get abortions might be forgiven, and that he is not the one to judge same-sex couples.

But good Catholic Santorum is.

5. Mike Huckabee’s crazy reaction to Obama’s pope remarks.

Many right-wing crazies (Ann Coulter, Alex Jones, Rush Limbaugh, various Fox Newsians) criticized Pope Francis as he spoke to Congress and the U.N. about horrible things like peace, caring for the earth and compassion for one’s neighbors. But Mike Huckabee is the front-runner for the nomination for craziest reaction to President Obama’s remarks to the pope. To the untrained eye, Obama’s comments seemed pretty anodyne and pretty darn pro-Christian:

“You remind us that people are only truly free when they can practice their faith freely. Here in the United States, we cherish religious liberty. Yet around the world at this very moment, children of God, including Christians, are targeted and even killed because of their faith. Believers are prevented from gathering at their places of worship. The faithful are imprisoned. Churches are destroyed. So we stand with you in defense of religious freedom and interfaith dialogue, knowing that people everywhere must be able to live out their faith free from fear and intimidation.”

But Huckabee knows better because he alone is able to decode that wicked un-Christian president’s true beliefs.

Huckabee hiply created a Vine, juxtaposing the president’s remarks with a mugshot of Kim Davis with the words “… Unless you’re a Christian” underneath it.

Burn. Of course, Obama had nothing to do with Kim Davis, but never mind. Still it’s his fault she is being persecuted, just like people who are being murdered for their beliefs in other parts of the world.

Holy moly.