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By Moshe Adler
$16.47
By Catherine Lutz
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$35
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Satire by Andy Borowitz —
Presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain unveiled details of his economic policy today, telling an audience in Ohio that if elected he would support a real-estate tax holiday for beer heiresses.
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Satire by Andy Borowitz —
Republican presidential nominee John McCain officially kicked off his general election campaign today, promising to bring his race for the White House to “all 13 colonies.”
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AP photo / Steven Senne / file
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Ted Kennedy was in good humor following brain surgery at Duke University Medical Center on Monday, joking with his wife, “I feel like a million bucks. I think I will do that again tomorrow.” Kennedy’s neurosurgeon said the operation was a success. The senator will now begin radiation and chemotherapy treatments.
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Satire by Andy Borowitz —
Responding to a chorus of outrage touched off by her comments about the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy, Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) made a bold attempt at damage control today by distancing herself from herself.
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Satire by Andy Borowitz —
Just moments after former presidential candidate John Edwards endorsed Barack Obama for president, Hillary Clinton vowed to “continue the fight” for Edwards’ endorsement.
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By Andy Borowitz — The president has confirmed that his gutting of the Endangered Species Act is part of a broader plan to phase out the environment entirely by the time he leaves office.
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By Andy Borowitz — The satirist reports that monsters all across the country are offended by the remarks of a Barack Obama campaign aide in which she called Hillary Clinton a “monster.”
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By Will Durst — Comedian Will Durst offers up a short list, from Colin Powell to the Verizon guy.
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By Andy Borowitz — The satirist reports that New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg is still trying to decide whether to buy the U.S. presidency, with the sticking point being the steep price.
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The Onion pokes fun at the nonsense issues, costume pageantry and theatrical pandering that have taken over the American electoral process.
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By Will Durst — Talk about how the almighty have fallen. The dollar is headed downhill faster than Bode Miller on a set of rocket skis. Think nose dive. Plummetville. Plunge City. Belly Floppo Rama. Recession is such an ugly word.
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By Andy Borowitz — Campaign-trail satire: Paper? Plastic? Both? Neither? The senator finds it’s hard to do a bit of shopping when a world of voters is looking on.
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By Andy Borowitz — Bush, citing his own years of expertise, flies to Islamabad to offer wisdom on how to eliminate democracy.
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By Andy Borowitz — In a strategic masterstroke to avoid missteps, Clinton will spend the rest of her campaign encased in a soundproof glass box.
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By Will Durst — Funnyman Durst sends up the absurd criticism of Al Gore and the Nobel Prize. Why stop at global warming when there’s plenty in the world of science and nature to deny?
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Don’t watch this “Daily Show” clip while ingesting beverages—the R. Kelly impersonator’s vibrato-tastic adaptation of “Trapped in the Closet” you’ll see here, laden with sociopolitical commentary about certain embattled senators plagued with recent men’s-room-related woes, may cause you to, as the youngsters say, “snarf.”
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By Andy Borowitz — The satirist reports that, desperate to protect their endangered fortunes, thousands of the nation’s leading hedge-fund managers converged on Washington today in “The Million Mercedes March.”
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By Andy Borowitz — The satirist writes that just-resigned Attorney General Alberto Gonzales’ motivation is that he wants to spend more time eavesdropping on his family.
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cracked.com
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Cracked.com has a review of the candidates’ websites, including “awkward attempts at hipness” and “weirdest moments.” John McCain’s virtual outpost, for example, won this critique: “The main image from the pre-site landing page essentially says, ‘Welcome to the online obituary for the late Senator John McCain.’ ”
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By Andy Borowitz — The satirist pokes fun at the Libby verdict and the president’s rush to distance himself from a liar.
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anthroblogs.org
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By Andy Borowitz — Satirist Andy Borowitz riffs on the news networks’ ratings-oriented weather obsession.
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Australia’s John Safran goes door-to-door in Salt Lake City, trying to convert Mormons to atheism. Hysterical. (There are lots more Safran vs. religion videos in the YouTube “related” column.)
In the scene above, an old man hits Safran with a rake.
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The Central Intelligence Agency is using a tongue-in-cheek personality test to attract applicants. “You don’t have to know karate or look good in a tuxedo to work at the CIA,” the personality quiz says.
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By Andy Borowitz — In yet another setback for President George W. Bush, his father, former President George H.W. Bush, appeared in the Oval Office today and demanded that his son give back the keys to the White House at once.
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Question: Why does Bush always sound like he’s talking to 5-year-olds?
Answer: “That’s the way these issues were explained to him.”—Vanity Fair’s Graydon Carter
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Marching in Chicago: Resisting Rahm Emanuel’s Neoliberal Savagery
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