Fake news by Andy Borowitz
JEFFERSON CITY, Mo.—A rabid Doberman pinscher jumped on stage at a tea party rally in Missouri on Labor Day and barked at the crowd for nearly 20 minutes before people realized he was not a candidate. The dog, later identified by its owner as “Mister Buster,” held the crowd spellbound as he barked, growled and frothed at the mouth, eventually receiving a standing ovation for his exertions.
Gwendolene Thomason, 42, a tea party supporter from Jefferson City, was one of the hundreds on hand who were convinced that the Doberman was a tea party candidate until he was outed as a dog. “I liked what he had to say,” she said. “He reminded me of Glenn Beck, only furrier.”
The Doberman’s canine identity finally became clear when he lunged at a man in the front row and wrested a hamburger from his right hand, taking two of the man’s fingers with it.
While the discovery that Mister Buster was not a tea party candidate disappointed many in attendance, Thomason held out hope that, dog or no, he might consider running for office at some point. “I liked the way he bit off that guy’s hand, and the way he did his business in the middle of the stage,” she said. “We need more of that in Washington.”
Elsewhere, Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer named Wednesday a state holiday “to give me more time to think of what to say.”
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.”
© 2010 Creators Syndicate