Satire by Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON—In what some are calling the boldest move of his presidency, Barack Obama broke with a time-honored tradition observed by several U.S. presidents, including George W. Bush, by pronouncing the word nuclear as it appears in the dictionary.
Announcing a new weapons pact with Russia, Obama repeatedly pronounced the word nuclear in a way that has rarely been used by a U.S. president since Jimmy Carter was in the White House.
But according to Davis Logsdon, a professor of international relations at the University of Minnesota, Obama’s pronunciation of nuclear may have been key to the diplomatic breakthrough: “The Russians have heard presidents pronounce it “nucular” for so long, they may have thought he was offering something new.”
Obama’s obscure pronunciation of nuclear drew harsh reactions from members of the tea party movement, who see the president’s obsession with correct English usage as an attempt to make the nation more European. A sign at a recent tea-bagger rally read, “Obama Wants to Disconnect Your Granma [sic] and Correct Your Gramar [sic].”
Elsewhere, Sarah Palin campaigned for John McCain today in a bid to shore up his support among morons.
In Turnabout, Michael Steele Calls Same-Sex Unions ‘Incredibly Hot’; GOP Chairman Changes Positions
WASHINGTON—In what appears to be a reversal of a longstanding GOP position, RNC Chair Michael Steele said today that he considered same-sex unions “incredibly hot, especially when the girls are getting it on in a glass case.” When asked whether his comment meant that the GOP now favored same-sex marriage, Steele clarified his position: “If we’re talking about two hot lesbian girls simulating marriage in a glass case, yes, I am very much into that sort of thing.”
Steele denied that he had changed positions on the same-sex union issue, but added, “There’s nothing wrong with changing positions if you like the new one better.” The GOP chairman could not be reached for further comment, as a spokesman for Steele said he was all tied up.
Other Republicans were critical, however, about the GOP chairman’s authorizing nearly $2,000 for a night out at a Los Angeles sex club, including Sen. John Ensign, R-Nev.: “Why spend that kind of money for something you can see in my office for free?”
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.”
© 2010 Creators Syndicate
White House / Pete Souza