Fake news by Andy Borowitz
OSLO, Norway—Two of the theory of evolution’s most vociferous doubters, Sarah Palin and Christine O’Donnell, may be living proof that Darwin was wrong, leading scientists believe.
A conference of the most prominent evolutionary scientists in the world has concluded that the apparent evolution of Palin into O’Donnell suggests, in the words of Dr. Hiroshi Kyosuke of the University of Tokyo, “that Darwin got it backward.”
“We still believe that evolution is more than a theory and is, in fact, a very real thing,” said Kyosuke. “However, in the case of Palin and O’Donnell, it seems to be moving in a reverse direction.”
Kyosuke stunned the conference when he presented his scholarly paper, “Tea Party Politicians and the Theory of Devolution,” in which he studied the “reverse natural selection” at play in GOP candidates for governor of New York. “If we chart the trend line from George Pataki to Carl Paladino, within 50 years, New York might be governed by Cro-Magnon man,” he said.
Paladino did not offer an official response to the scientist’s remarks, but said that he had 100 aides typing on 100 typewriters simultaneously to craft a statement.
For her part, O’Donnell today released her official campaign platform, in which she opposes the use of simple tools and the discovery of fire.
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.”
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