The President You Are Trying to Reach Is Unavailable

By Andy Borowitz

President George W. Bush commented on Sen. Hillary Clinton’s controversial “red phone” campaign ads at the White House today, telling reporters, “When that red phone rings, I just let it go straight to voice mail.”

President Bush rarely comments about the Democratic presidential contest, but he said that he had to speak up about Clinton’s red phone ads because he found them “so confusing.”

“If I answered the red phone every time it rang, I would never get any sleep,” Bush said. “Sometimes it starts ringing at 9 p.m., and I am already tucked in by then.”

Bush said that “there’s nothing so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow, or whenever I remember to check my voice mail.”
      In a rebuke of Clinton, President Bush added, “If she doesn’t know about letting your calls go straight to voice mail, I don’t think she has the experience to be president.”

Campaigning in Pittsburgh, former President Bill Clinton took issue with Bush’s remarks, telling reporters, “When I get a call at 3 a.m., I always pick up, if you know what I mean.”

Shortly after making his remarks, the Clinton campaign said that it was revising the former president’s itinerary to focus on states that had already voted in February.

Elsewhere, Sen. John McCain released a new series of campaign ads, showing him answering a telegraph key at 3 a.m.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2008 Creators Syndicate Inc.