By Andy Borowitz
After successfully sponsoring several of the presidential debates, Facebook is spreading its wings once more, announcing today that it would become the official co-sponsor of the United States’ war on terror.
In snagging the coveted anti-terrorism sponsorship, the popular networking site beat out two of its rivals, MySpace and YouTube, who had also vied to co-sponsor the global struggle against Islamic extremism.
While the announcement of the collaboration between the Defense Department and Facebook took many in diplomatic circles by surprise, some intelligence experts characterized the move as a win-win for both partners.
“For Facebook, being named co-sponsor of the war on terror adds to the prestige and luster of their brand,” said Tracy Klujian, editor-at-large for Antiterrorism Monthly. “For the Defense Department, teaming up with Facebook makes the war on terror seem hip and fun.”
At a press conference at the Pentagon, Defense Secretary Robert Gates explained how the U.S. intended to use Facebook to fight terror: “Right now, we have thousands of bad guys out there who are addicted to jihad. We want to get them addicted to Facebook instead.”
Starting this week, Gates said, Facebook will roll out two new quizzes that it hopes will be popular among potential terrorists: “Are You a Jihadist?” and “What Supervillain Are You?”
Mr. Gates said that by signing up thousands of jihadists to the social networking site, Facebook is hoping to net the biggest fish of all: Osama bin Laden.
“If bin Laden starts wasting as much time on Facebook as most Americans do, al-Qaeda is finished,” he said.
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”
© 2008 Creators Syndicate Inc.