By Andy Borowitz
Just days after their hard-partying antics made headlines across Argentina, the twin daughters of President George W. Bush arrived in Iraq today, determined to continue celebrating their 25th birthday as only the Bush twins can.
After the American Embassy in Buenos Aires reportedly urged Barb and Jenna Bush to leave the country, many at the White House had hoped that the two spirited young women would “take it down a notch,” one insider said. But those hopes were dashed today when their plane touched down at Baghdad International Airport and an exuberant Jenna Bush announced, “It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes!”
Declaring that they were on a search for “weapons of mass consumption,” Barbara and her sister set off on a night of adventures, accompanied by several nervous-looking Secret Service agents.
To this war-torn nation, the sight of the twin daughters of the U.S. president cruising through town, their car’s audio system blaring, raised more than a few eyebrows.
Within an hour of their arrival, the twins were summoned to meet with Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, who reminded them that Baghdad remained under a strict curfew.
“Curfew?” Jenna reportedly replied. “Whatever!”
The Bush twins’ surprise visit has already had one unintended consequence, as Shiites and Sunnis in the usually fractious Iraqi parliament voted unanimously to expel them.
When told that they had managed to heal the decades-old rift between Iraq’s warring sects, Barbara offered a succinct assessment: “Like, mission accomplished!”
Elsewhere, wines from southwestern France and Sardinia have the highest concentration of complex compounds that may promote greater longevity, according to a study published today by Danny DeVito.
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the new book “The Republican Playbook.”