Andy Borowitz: Kangaroo Selected as New Hussein Judge

By Andy Borowitz

Two weeks after the judge in Saddam Hussein’s trial for crimes against humanity was dismissed for displaying leniency toward the former Iraqi dictator, the proceedings became embroiled in controversy once again as legal experts questioned the selection of a kangaroo as the judge’s replacement.

While the dismissal of the previous judge, Abdullah al Amiri, raised eyebrows in legal circles because it suggested to some that the Iraqi government was trying to predetermine the results of the trial, the selection of a kangaroo from the Sydney Zoo in Australia did little to allay those concerns.

“The new Iraqi government is already facing an uphill struggle to gain any kind of credibility for the trial of Saddam Hussein,” said Hassan El-Medfaai, president of the Iraqi Bar Association. “It is hard to see how putting a kangaroo in charge helps achieve that goal.”

The kangaroo, known as Annette during her tenure at the Sydney Zoo, received mixed reviews on her first day in the Baghdad courtroom where Mr. Hussein is being tried.

After one of the former dictator’s trademark outbursts, the kangaroo appeared alarmed, jumped from the bench and had to be subdued with a tranquilizer dart before the proceedings could continue.

At the White House, President Bush praised Saddam’s new judge and said that he would consider appointing a kangaroo to the U.S. Supreme Court, so long as the kangaroo agreed with him on abortion and prayer in schools.

Elsewhere, a team of French doctors made history by performing surgery in zero gravity on an airplane, but were then arrested for bringing liquids and sharp objects onboard.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the new book “The Republican Playbook,” to be published in October. To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.