By Andy Borowitz
Conservative pundit Ann Coulter today challenged Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to what she called “an insane-comment contest” on live TV to determine who is the insane-comment champion of the world.
Appearing on Fox News this morning, the sharp-tongued darling of the right wing said that although she respects Mr. Ahmadinejad’s work, she believes he will be “no match” for her arsenal of crazy, unhinged remarks.
“I’ve heard Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s nutty rants in the past, and while I think he comes off like a total banana head, in a one-on-one with me he will be the picture of sanity,” Ms. Coulter said.
In Iran, President Ahmadinejad accepted Ms. Coulter’s challenge and said that while he was “confident of victory,” he recognized that besting her in an insane-comment contest “would not be easy.”
“In any competition involving verbal lunacy, Ann Coulter is the favorite going in,” Mr. Ahmadinejad. “I will need to train for this for months.”
But even as the rules for the insane-comment contest were being set, North Korean President Kim Jong Il and televangelist Pat Robertson expressed outrage that they had been excluded from the competition and demanded to be invited.
Within hours, Ms. Coulter apologized for omitting President Kim and the Rev. Robertson but said that the omission would be corrected: “Me, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Pat Robertson and Kim Jong Il: That’s the Final Four.”
Elsewhere, President Bush hailed the elimination of terror mastermind Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, telling reporters, “The world has been rid of a tricky-to-pronounce name.”
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the new book “The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers.” To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.