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Toyota Chief Overshoots Congressional Hearings by 150 Miles

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Posted on Feb 28, 2010

Satire by Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The reputation of the Toyota Motors Corp. received another black eye today as the president of the embattled company missed his scheduled appearance at congressional hearings after he overshot Washington, D.C., by 150 miles. 

Toyota President Akio Toyoda said he was having difficulties with the brakes on his 2010 Toyota Prius, which finally came to rest after crashing into a blacksmith’s shop in Colonial Williamsburg. 

In a brief statement to reporters, Toyoda said, “I knew I should’ve driven my Chevy today.”

In yet another embarrassment, Toyoda, the grandson of the carmaker’s founder, realized for the first time that his family’s name is spelled differently from the company’s. Toyoda said that all members of the Toyoda family would be immediately recalled to fix the spelling error.


Decision to Stop Making Hummers Saddens Assholes; Douchebags Seek New Way to Compensate for Tiny Penises

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DETROIT (The Borowitz Report)—General Motors’ decision to stop manufacturing Hummers has struck at the heart of the group that loved the vehicles most: America’s assholes. 

Across the nation, leading assholes spoke of a sense of loss and sadness caused by the decision, and suggested that they would now be searching for new ways to compensate for their small penises. Tracy Klugian, a Realtor in Tempe, Ariz., said he would consider buying a boat with an annoyingly loud sound system, “but it just won’t say asshole like a Hummer does.” 

Klugian, whose penis has been described as “microscopic,” also questioned the timing of GM’s decision. “Right now, the Hummer is the only thing on the road capable of stopping a Toyota,” he said.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2010 Creators Syndicate


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By Jeremy_Hughes, February 22, 2012 at 12:03 am Link to this comment

Had a good laugh reading this article. I hope no one actually thinks that this post was true. As much as I dislike car makers, I think we should stop with the jokes about Toyota. I think they had a rough year and I am glad they survived without much job losses.

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By elwoodpdowd, March 2, 2010 at 8:21 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

The relentless smearing of Toyota was politically motivated. Does anyone really believe those self-righteous SEnate and House members care one bit about any one of those people who crashed ( the reports were all blown out of proportion anyway)

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Blackspeare's avatar

By Blackspeare, March 1, 2010 at 2:58 pm Link to this comment

I foresee future legal entanglements with regard to motor vehicles.  As more and more cars are being recalled for a myriad of problems does that leave the owner with a legal obligation to have the vehicle inspected by the dealer and could failure to observe a recall notice subject the owner to liability in the event of an accident?

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By gerard, March 1, 2010 at 1:32 pm Link to this comment

APOLOGIES R US —NOT

Akio Toyoda, grandson of the founder
of the world’s largest automaker,
bowed his head slightly, acknowledging

the dozen or so rubes on the House
Oversight Committee who wouldn’t know
Bizen-yaki from Bernard Leach

and, with neck slightly bent, indicating
acknowledgement of responsibility,
testified for hours, declaring his deep

sorrow at having put money before safety.
Declaring company behavior “shameful”
and vowing himself personally

responsible for any and all accidents
occurring from defects in their merchandise,
“There is striking evidence,” he averred,

“that at times the company was more concerned
with profit than with customer safety.”
Holy cow!  He actually said that?

Hard to believe that we have yet to hear
any such confession from one single American
corporation, no matter how guilty of what

crimes of omission, commission and
recession that have robbed innocent Americans
of jobs, bank accounts and houses.

Only one question:  Quoting Toyoda-san:
“All the Toyota vehicles bear my name,”
said their Maker.  “When the cars are damaged ..”

Yes, he said “the cars” (Or was he misquoted?)
“It is as though I am, as well.” Smiling at clumsy
translations, “Konnichi wa!”  Responded several

Representatives, in order to appear savvy
enough to forget Pearl Harbor so that Hiroshima
and Nagasaki will not erupt from the memory hole.

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By gerard, March 1, 2010 at 12:37 pm Link to this comment

APOLOOGIES R US

Taiga Udzusama, world-famous Japanese wrestler,
committeed spsritual hara-kiri recently
before an audience of approximately

one hundred honored family members
and guests who traveled with him in stretch-limos
to a teahouse near the summit of Mt. Fuji.

Bowing low before the statue of a badger,
the ancient Shinto trickster who for centuries
has been knwon to carry women into the woods

for sport, Udsusama greeted the dawn
with a twenty-page apology for offending
the commercial and political lords of his dominion.

Pasty-faced and overwrought, as if drugged
on an elixir of semi-somnolence,
he laid his regrets before an international

audience of millions, creating a soul-torn
media frenzy of singular hypocrisy and indiscretion. Family and friends appeared glum and tense,

under pressure to appear publicly distraught
over behavior which is totally mundane,
commoplace and would have been ignored

but for a 9-iron, a fireplug, and some broken glass.
Only half dead, Udzusama walked off-stage leaving
a heap of question-marks to writhe on the floor.

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By grumpynyker, March 1, 2010 at 8:26 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Toyoda should apologize for listening to some putz MBA
and assembling their cars in nonunion, redneck America.

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MarthaA's avatar

By MarthaA, February 28, 2010 at 10:16 pm Link to this comment

Where’s the hatred for Toyota?  No hatred here.  We own a Toyota and it’s a fine car, but the new ones have some major braking difficulties. 

Mr. Toyoda was apparently flummoxed by the time he got to Congress after experiencing a revolting development when the brakes failed to work on the new Toyota he was riding in causing it to wreck.  What I don’t understand, is why the key can’t be immediately switched off when the brakes fail?

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By Aaron Ortiz, February 28, 2010 at 9:41 pm Link to this comment

Why all the hatred toward Toyota?

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MarthaA's avatar

By MarthaA, February 28, 2010 at 6:19 pm Link to this comment

Good riddance to the Hummer.

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MarthaA's avatar

By MarthaA, February 28, 2010 at 6:17 pm Link to this comment

Looks like Toyoda got a taste of what his company was actually doing.  Heads will probably roll at Toyota.

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By Scott Thomas, February 28, 2010 at 5:44 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Toyota should have came forward with a full disclosure. Instead of waiting for a huge media blitz and tons of public pressure. I never seen so many car companies having recalls all at the same time. I had no idea my car was affected until I searched on http://www.carpedalrecall.com  and found I had a bad Anti Lock control unit on my 2008 Pontiac G8 , So be careful

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