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Reports

Tiger: At Least I Didn’t Screw the Entire Gulf of Mexico

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Posted on Jun 13, 2010

Fake News by Andy Borowitz

NEW YORK—Sensing a public relations opportunity, golf legend Tiger Woods spoke out today on the BP oil spill, telling reporters, “At least I didn’t screw the entire Gulf of Mexico.”

Initially stunned by his comment, reporters asked Woods to elaborate on his response to the oil spill crisis. “I’m just saying, sometimes you can cause a lot more damage by drilling one hole as opposed to a thousand holes,” he said. “I’m just saying.”

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2010 Creators Syndicate

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By samosamo, June 16, 2010 at 8:50 am Link to this comment

****************


By Romantic Violence, June 16 at 10:31 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

I guess it’s fashionable to bash BP right now however, this kind
of behavior on behalf of industry has been going on for
years..anybody remember Love Canal and hundreds of other
cities like it? Just a dumb ass statement…
******************

Coincident! I was just thinking yesterday about all the pollution
that is going on to the environment and ecology and I
remembered Love Canal. What I remembered about it or maybe
some other neighborhood built over a toxic waste site was the
gardens that were planeted and how the planets would suck up
the poisons in the soil into the fruits and veggies the people
were growing to eat. Needless to say that was one reason that
environmental corporate terrorist attack was uncovered or
exposed along with the poisons leeching out of the soil into the
neighborhood.

Another lesson in how retched ‘unfettered’ capitalism works.

http://www.onlineethics.org/cms/6534.aspx

http://www.epa.gov/history/topics/lovecanal/01.htm

http://www.health.state.ny.us/environmental/investigations/lov
e_canal/lctimbmb.htm

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By tedmurphy41, June 16, 2010 at 5:50 am Link to this comment

Whatever Tiger Woods did, he has hurt no-one but his own family and himself.
It comes back to an occurrence here in the UK with a World class footballer, John Terry, having an affair with the"ex” girlfriend of footballer Wayne Bridge, who had had a child with her. The opprobrium Terry suffered as a result of this news coming out would cause anyone to think that he had raped her. This was two consenting adult people, one married man with an “ex” partner of an England team-mate who, incidentally, took umbrage and refused to go to the World cup in South Africa. The hypocrisy of the media, along with the childish behaviour of Wayne Bridge, a man who, please note, was not married to her and had parted from her and reacted when she went out with someone else, albeit with an England team- mate.
Now if I can find some stones…........!!

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By Romantic Violence, June 16, 2010 at 5:31 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

I guess it’s fashionable to bash BP right now however, this kind of behavior on behalf of industry has been going on for years..anybody remember Love Canal and hundreds of other cities like it? Just a dumb ass statement…

Report this

By rollzone, June 14, 2010 at 12:52 pm Link to this comment

hello. i had to smile after Oboymamma just got off a four hour vacation from his wife. he golfs regularly. the whole using a long stiff club to knock a ball in a hole in the Earth, sexual paradigm of plugging the damn hole; makes me appreciate the fact that Mrs. Palin’s officially natural breasts: are a beautiful compliment to that attractive face she lures the likes of Tiger with. i wonder, if he wants to live next door to her? Fore… skinned that one.

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By jean gerard, June 14, 2010 at 12:38 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Actually I wish Tiger had said this.  It would have shown some sense of
proportion.  Can you imagine British Petroleum going before a couple hundred
victims with a sanctimonious twenty-minute apology followed by giving Mother
Earth an appreciative hug, and making a commitment to Zen meditation in order
to get their heads straightened out?

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By obscurante terroriste, June 14, 2010 at 7:58 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Is this plagiarism or does Andy write for the Colbert Report. So last week.

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By last_boy_scout, June 14, 2010 at 4:37 am Link to this comment

Every single time I read about yet another superpower-to-rise I recollect the phantasmagoric fantasies of the STRATFOR CEO, George Friedman about the next-25-years prediction.

Quite a breathtaking piece of literature it was.
Speaking of Turkey, he predicted the “space attack of the Turkish spacesuit-wearing troops of Krakow or the Japanese missiles launched to the Earth from the secret base on the surface of Moon”

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Leefeller's avatar

By Leefeller, June 13, 2010 at 7:15 pm Link to this comment

Well the difference was Tiger was held to a higher
standard, with BP standard is what they expect.

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By Kevin Monahan, June 13, 2010 at 6:54 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Truthdig,  Did you pay Andy for this wasted thirty
seconds of my time?  KM

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By samosamo, June 13, 2010 at 1:38 pm Link to this comment

****************

 

You might want to just stay in your fairy tale never never land
rubbing and knocking your balls around while trying to get your
putter kissed as your relevance to reality is pure coincidental
theatrics.

Report this

By Gilbert of Woodhaven, June 13, 2010 at 1:32 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Go! go! Tiger this time you are right. Screwing the
gulf is very wrong. There is no enjoyment doing so.

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