Surfnow:
I grew up in the 60’s too—I turned 15 in 1970. I saw a lot of fights, found myself in a few through no fault of my own (I hated fighting) and even was hospitalized after being attacked, in a suburban town. I see no evidence that kids are more violent today than they were then, other than many of them have access to guns that simply weren’t available. A military Colt .45 automatic would have been super-exotic and scary…now they are simply overweight, under bullet-ed and inaccurate.

Surfnow, clearly you should go into a different line of work, since you have no faith, interest, or respect for your students; clearly the classroom environment you make will reflect that.  How dare they not show interest in your dull condescension as you shuttle them between mindless busywork and standardized tests that themselves have nothing to do with learning.  We are living in the least violent time in the world thus far; young people were very violent in the sixties, and some are violent now, but that all comes from the violence of adults that beat children, like you.

Young people today are very in touch, politically motivated, intelligent, and interested in learning the subjects that interest them.  What they do in their free time is none of your business, and old people said the same things that you do today, surfnow; arrogantly assuming they had the right to judge what students do in their free time when they themselves have never engaged in those activities.  Young people today will make a better world than the old, right wing scum did.

ITW:
Of course there are exceptions to every rule. You’re lucky to have a kid who sounds like one. BUt I grew up in the sixties, so I can speak from experience- kids today ae more violent, more tolerant of violent behavior, more insulated,  less read, more materialistic, and far less insightful, articulate and motivated than their sixties counterpart- surly and sullen as they might have been at times.

Teens are sullen and withdrawn because they are teens, not because they have iPhones and X-boxes!  My 16 year old has these toys and is a whiz with them, and, yes, he can be sullen and surly. I didn’t have them 40 years ago and I was STILL sullen and surly.

Yet despite that, he is a top student, involved in music and sports, is polite to adults, though not always to his parent.  And, when he forgets to be a surly teen (which is actually most of the time) and forgets his parents are “uncool”, he’s a great kid and a lot of fun to be around.  He’s smart, well-read, insightful, and funny.

There’s an ocean of difference between pushing your child to do HIS best, and pushing him to be “THE BEST”. The former is constructive, the latter destructive. 

Amy Chua is to parenting what Ann Coulter is to political analysis.

One of the science programs on PBS last year covered a similar subject. The conclusion (from surveys and experimental work) was that people who experience success as children become successful adults.

Watch any playground for a short time and you’ll see that children seek physical challenges naturally. The job of the parent or educator is to present them with intellectual challenges that they are likely to succeed at.

The question of “not too easy, not too hard” is what makes parenting a challenge.

I believe that the parent’s greatest gift to a child is to instill them with resilience - not to punish failure, but to cultivate the willingness to bounce back and try again.

Last night I watched the National Geographic special on “Killer Stress”. Momentary stress is good in situations where a child has some control (as in sports). Chronic stress, where the child has no control over the situation, has corrosive effects on health that last a lifetime.

If the average Amrican teen was more interested in something other than their I-Pad or Facebook page, parents who care wouldn’t need to be so pushy. Kids today have zero interest in anything and no motivation to learn. The biggest myth perpetrated by Korporate slugs like the Bill Gates’ of the world is that the Internet has created this wonderful, globally-in-touch generation of young people. What bunk. Youngpeople have never been so insulated, ignorant and intolerant as they are now. Take it from a teacher- I know first hand.

Amy Chua should be jailed for child abuse.  Further, young people should not be exploited to learn the disgusting, false protestant morality of “hard work”—turned into slaves for the rich right wing scum that run this country.  Children deserve a democratic, free, creative learning environment where they set their own curriculum and let their natural desire to learn take them where they want to be.  Everyone also deserves to make an equal, living wage with benefits in a democratic workplace—but they should not have to work untill after they’ve finished this schooling and also been given the chance for free college education and/or training programs. 

It is time to stop abusing children in order to compete, but instead to lash out at economic inequality and the lack of democracy, both in schools and at home.

There’s a line in “The Girl who Played with Fire” that the protagonist was so tone-deaf that her musical ability was limited to being able to tell a drum from a trombone.  Why would you push someone like that to play the violin?  Parenting is recognizing what is nature and what you can nurture, and to nurture the child’s nature.

Something about advice not to try to teach a pig to sing…You only waste your time and annoy the pig.

Dr. Shua’s 3 year old will probably grow up to either detest her mother or torture her own children as she was tortured…and she’ll say “But I only wanted the best for you!!!!”  But what IS “the best”

Somehow, a Harry Chapin song about “Cat’s in the Cradle” starts running through my head.

Oh, good chinese mother, you did’t make me feel too uncomfortable. You are too kind and too smart to suggest that “good parenting” is what you do, and if I don’t get the same results with my daughter, I’m not “good parenting.”

I wasn’t bemoaning your post - it was lucid and thoughtful (I love your blog, by the way). I was simply using your comment as a launching point to critique the parent-my-way products that have flooded the market for as long as I’ve been a parent (which is a very long time, I’m afraid).

Your daughter is as lucky to have you as you are to have her. That is the best any of us could hope for.

PS: I wonder how you ended up posting under my Truthdig username? Not that I’m complaining. Readers will mistake me for someone who is a much better writer and person – and that’s a good thing!

Good Chimese Mother -

Sounds like you’ve been able to strike a good balance. I laud that. The bedrock in your model is love. Absolutely essential.

What is frustrating for parents of difficult children is the unfortunate insistance among gurus of eveery stripe that there is an unambiguous causal relationship between child-rearing method and academic or life success of the child.

Sounds like you were blessed with a smart, inquisitive, naturally compliant (in relative terms)daughter. The fact that she ended up with offers from all the best schools was only partly due to your fine parenting. How much is hard to say, really. But what is certain is that there are personalities and aptitudes among children that would lead even the most heroically loving parent to anguish and gnashing of teeth.

And all these success stories do for those of us in this situation is add layers of guilt and doubt upon an already suffering soul. But not much enlightenment, I’m afraid.