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Christine O’Donnell Favors Separation of Speech and Thought

Posted on Oct 31, 2010

Fake news by Andy Borowitz

WILMINGTON, Del.—In a performance guaranteed to raise some eyebrows in Delaware and beyond, tea party candidate Christine O’Donnell said at a senatorial debate last night that she strongly supports “the separation of speech and thought.”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know if there’s anything about that in the Constitution,” she added. “In the version of the Constitution that I read, Big Bird didn’t mention it.”

O’Donnell seemed stumped when the moderator asked whether there were any Supreme Court decisions she disagreed with, finally blurting out, “Ali v. Frazier.” Her halting answers to many of the questions made some wonder why she had not written answers on her hand as her role model, Sarah Palin, has been known to do, but O’Donnell offered this explanation: “As you know, I believe it’s immoral to use your hand to help yourself.”

At the conclusion of the debate, O’Donnell pronounced herself pleased with her performance, saying that she would spend the next week concentrating on her Halloween costume: “I’m going as a qualified candidate.”

Elsewhere, the Texas Rangers advanced to the World Series, proving that once George W. Bush goes away, things get better.


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Most Powerful Man in America Meets With Obama

NEW YORK—In an extraordinary edition of “The Daily Show” guaranteed to dominate the headlines for days, the most powerful man in America met Wednesday with Barack Obama.

While the most powerful man’s decision to set aside 30 minutes for a sitting president carried with it risks for both men, each could lay claim to some measure of victory the morning after, says professor Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota. “Just to be seen on the same stage as the country’s most powerful man is a win for Obama,” Logsdon says. “It definitely lifts him up a notch.”

Conversely, the most powerful man in America had something to gain by giving the president so much of his time: “By reaching out to Obama, he’s perceived as caring about those less fortunate.”

But for the nation’s most powerful man, “it took some guts” to go toe-to-toe with a polished comedian like Obama, who has gotten big laughs in such venues as the White House Correspondents Dinner. “What you don’t want to wind up doing is being Obama’s straight man for half an hour,” Logsdon says. “Fortunately, that didn’t happen.”

While the consensus seems to be that the most powerful man in America handled his half-hour with Obama with his usual aplomb, critics are already saying that he shouldn’t have wasted his time with such trivial distractions. “He had an important rally coming up Saturday,” Logsdon says. “With the future of the country resting solely on his shoulders, does he really want to be seen laughing it up for half an hour with a politician?”

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2010 Creators Syndicate

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Night-Gaunt's avatar

By Night-Gaunt, November 2, 2010 at 12:09 pm Link to this comment

Strangely for O’Donnell, little exaggeration is needed. Her abilities as a politician are bad, as a person are criminal, as a representative of other people—-appalling. She is of the ilk who consider separation of church from state to be a fiction as all Christian Reconstructionists who claim it was an Atheist plot to lie about our founding.

A vote for any of these people is a vote for mediocrity, criminality, crankism, and anti-Constitutionalists. Yet there are people who either ignore it, embrace it or think they are voting against Socialism. All wrong and it will be terrible for all of us if enough of them get into office.

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By purplewolf, November 1, 2010 at 11:43 pm Link to this comment

Separation of speech and thought. Right, like the fact that Christine’s campaign paid for a half hour info campaign ad and then complained that is wasn’t shown. They didn’t turn in the tape to the network to air in the first place, so the network agreed to air the program the next morning and again Christine complained it wasn’t shown, which it wasn’t and again her staff failed to turn over her tape to the station to broadcast it. Talk about the idiots being run by a moron. Guess that pretty much sums up what her time in office would be like is the sheeple is so stupid as to vote her into elected office.

Is Andy really certain that this report is classified as humor. Seems more like an actual real true to life report on the competency of Christine O’Donnell and her most current bid for political office.

What must the rest of the world think of us after seeing the lunacy from the right vying for the position of “public servant” for the American people?

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RayLan's avatar

By RayLan, November 1, 2010 at 10:20 pm Link to this comment

Anybody who cares about Sarah Palin short of a one night stand is mentally challenged.

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By tedmurphy41, November 1, 2010 at 9:37 am Link to this comment

She has been watching too much Star Trek.

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