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May 22, 2013
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 Blizzard a Case of God-Blocking, Robertson SaysPosted on Jan 2, 2011Fake news by Andy Borowitz VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — The Rev. Pat Robertson sparked controversy in Sunday’s broadcast of his “700 Club” program when he claimed that God created the blizzard currently battering the Northeast “to punish Americans who were planning to drive to do something gay.” Explaining his theory, Robertson said, “Because of the bad road conditions the Almighty has made, any gay activities that people were planning on doing will have to be postponed by a day or two.” Additionally, he argued, God shut down major airports in the New York area “so that people who were hoping to fly to do something of a gay nature would have to take a train or a bus, so it might be days before the gay thing they were going to do could occur.” As for the millions of straight people in New York City who were also grounded by the bad weather, the televangelist said, “I think God probably wonders: If these people are really straight, then what are they doing in New York?” In other blizzard-related news, the National Weather Service offered this update: “It’s as white as a Glenn Beck rally out there.” Winter Weather Expected to Dominate Conversations of Boring People Advertisement With blizzard conditions blanketing the Northeast, a powerful front of mind-numbing weather-related banter is expected to pound the Eastern Seaboard from Sunday into Monday, with statements of the obvious stretching from the Carolinas to New England. “Blizzards like this are when boring people really come alive, unfortunately,” said Dr. Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota’s Meteorology Institute. “I would advise everyone to stay inside and avoid all contact with dull individuals unless it’s an absolute emergency.” Tracy Klugian, 57, a prominent bore from Cincinnati, said that she planned to take a break from her scrapbooking hobby to post Facebook updates about the weather on an hourly basis. “I live for days like this,” said Klugian. “I’ve already said ‘so much for global warming’ 10 times today.” And Klugian said she was spending the afternoon calling friends and relatives “to ask if it’s cold enough for them.” “I sure have a lot to say about this snow and everything,” she said. “I can’t wait until somebody picks up.” Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.” © 2010 CREATORS SYNDICATE  TAGS:
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By Shenonymous, January 4, 2011 at 7:23 pm Link to this comment
Pat Robertson appears to have been demented by his religion. But
on the other hand, alturn says, Changing the weather is something
that gurus in India have been demonstrating for ages. It is not
difficult when you have stabilized and merged in the field of
universal mind. As far as regular folks, we have long ignored
the laws of creation.
Can you provide evidence for your claim about weather-changing gurus
in India?
Here is an Indian television site that does not use gurus:
http://connect.in.com/weather-india/profile.html
They use ordinary meteorologists and they do not report that they
consult gurus. But of course neither do they “affect” the weather. But
in order to change the weather, wouldn’t gurus have to have some
insight into what the weather will soon be in the near future, in order to
change it that is! Logical? And if so, then why do they not inform the
media so that millions could benefit from the predictions and
remunerate the gurus royally for their “affectations.” For surely it
strikes observers as odd that if gurus can affect weather changes in
India why they would not have a Gurus Assistant Program to help in
preventing agricultural loss disasters due to bad weather. Ahem,
climate control! It is well known history that India has suffered horrid
famines at least 90 times in the last 2500 years. Now if gurus could
control the weather, it seems reasonable that they would be employed
to help prevent the millions upon millions of deaths that were the result
of famines.
Now gurus and swamis are notorious for their scams of gullible people
(just like the religiousos everywhere). Provided for much mirth and
humor http://tinyurl.com/2u3fqul This apparently aims at western
women, lots of laughs.
Oh one more thing, alturn, would you please explain the field of
Report thisuniversal mind a teensy bit? What could it possibly mean? What is it?
By anaman51, January 4, 2011 at 6:20 pm Link to this comment
This is so believable that it could actually pass for real news, and no one but that idiot Robertson would know the difference. It sounds exactly like the rest of the stupid shit that comes out of his mouth. Who could tell?
Report thisBy rollzone, January 4, 2011 at 12:53 pm Link to this comment
hello. i can not agree it was all about drivers. the Amtrak shut-down and airport delays meant blue balls
Report thisgalore. my bore is reminiscing that murdering people
was a bad thing to do, alike shalt not kill even for
promises of college and benefits, and dysfunctional
sexists were of little consequence. when Robertson last
spoke with God, in the year 2002, He revealed the
eternal message: and if Robertson would keep that *ic*
out of his mouth long enough to tell the rest of us…
By Archie1954, January 3, 2011 at 10:05 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
It is inappropriate for Mr. Robertson to be making jokes about such a serious subject. I take it for granted he was joking because the alternative is simply that he is an unmitigated fool and who wants to think that?
Report thisBy Leefeller, January 3, 2011 at 9:46 pm Link to this comment
God gives gays a bad time, because they are in his own image? God is dumping all the snow so altar boys cannot show up for their Vatican sanctioned Catholic gay training experience.
By the way, is fake news sort of like Fox news?
Now I get it, all the straight people fornicate and have babies the 9th month after the snow is gone and Robertson believes the gays stand in the snow and instantly freeze to death and so this leads Robertson to believe they cannot have babies in the 9th month after the snow is gone.
Boy am I glad this is a Christian Nation!
Report thisBy malcolm kyle, January 3, 2011 at 7:10 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
Robertson’s correct; it’s time for us all to stop being ignorant hypocrites and start being TRUE conservatives!
Pragmatic libertarians (minimal-statists) and “true” Conservatives agree that many, if not most, of society’s problems are caused by government usurping choices that could better be made by individuals and that government is just about the worst way of doing almost anything. Where libertarianism normally parts company with “fake” conservatism is over moral issues. But a true conservative would have no problem with agreeing, that what people do with their own bodies, and especially in the privacy of their own home, should be supremely their business, and that anything else would entail ignoring the basic tenet of limited government.
Fake-Conservatism on the other hand has much in common with socialism; Both Leftists and Fake-Conservatives appear to harbor the belief that nature does not exist and that any human can be anything he wants to be, or can for the “greater good”, be “re-educated” into being. Leftists therefore think little boys can be conditioned into preferring dolls over toy soldiers, and similarly Fake-conservatives believe that adults can be coerced into choosing alcohol over marijuana. A true conservative, just like a pragmatic libertarian, would immediately reject both ideas as nonsense.
If you support prohibition then you are NOT a conservative.
Conservative principles, quite clearly, ARE:
1) Limited, locally controlled government.
2) Individual liberty coupled with personal responsibility.
3) Free enterprise.
4) A strong national defense.
5) Fiscal responsibility.
Prohibition is actually an authoritarian War on the Constitution and all civic institutions of our great nation.
It’s all about the market and cost/benefit analysis. Whether any particular drug is good, bad, or otherwise is irrelevant! As long as there is demand for any mind altering substance, there will be supply; the end! The only affect prohibiting it has is to drive the price up, increase the costs and profits, and where there is illegal profit to be made criminals and terrorists thrive.
The cost of criminalizing citizens who are using substances no more harmful than similar things that are perfectly legal like alcohol and tobacco, is not only hypocritical and futile, but also simply not worth the incredible damage it does.
Afghani farmers produce approx. 93% of the world’s opium which is then, mostly, refined into street heroin then smuggled throughout Eastern and Western Europe.
Both the Taliban and the terrorists of al Qaeda derive their main income from the prohibition-inflated value of this very easily grown crop, which means that Prohibition is the “Goose that laid the golden egg” and the lifeblood of terrorists as well as drug cartels. Only those opposed, or willing to ignore this fact, want things the way they are.
See: How opium profits the Taliban: http://tinyurl.com/37mr86k
or: A GLOBAL OVERVIEW OF NARCOTICS-FUNDED TERRORIST GROUPS
http://www.loc.gov/rr/frd/pdf-files/NarcsFundedTerrs_Extrems.pdf
According to data gathered by privacy expert Christopher Soghoian (PhD candidate at Indiana University), 85-90% of real-time surveillance of your Internet communication is wasted on prohibition enforcement.
youtube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=jJDCxzKmROY#t=342s
- he discusses drug related Internet wiretaps at 5min 42sec
Prohibition provides America’s sworn enemies with financial “aid” and tactical “comforts”. The Constitution of the United States of America defines treason as:
“Article III / Section 3. Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying war against them, or adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort.”
Support for prohibition is therefor an act of treason against the Constitution, and a dire threat to the nation’s civic institutions.
Report thisBy berniem, January 3, 2011 at 6:17 pm Link to this comment
As Robertson and other assorted bible thumpers so readily demonstrate, religion causes the brain to rot!
Report thisBy alturn, January 3, 2011 at 4:34 pm Link to this comment
The grain of truth is that man can and does effect the weather. Just not for the most popular cause that Pat Robertson or other ‘fear of God’ ministers are promoting at any moment.
Changing the weather is something that gurus in India have been demonstrating for ages. It is not difficult when you have stabilized and merged in the field of universal mind. As far as regular folks, we have long ignored the laws of creation. If we understood and respected them, the planet would a far more happy, loving place.
Report thisBy ma, January 3, 2011 at 4:29 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
Marvelous!! Wonderful!! and all the more so because it was believeable at first. It caught the essence of the REV Robertson’s reasoning skill so well that I had called someone to share it after the first paragraph. Robertson has his god making some pretty bizarre proclamations ...
Report thisand this was only a LITTLE over the top.
By bogi666, January 3, 2011 at 1:24 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
Well , now it all makes sense, thank god?
Report thisBy Shenonymous, January 3, 2011 at 12:31 pm Link to this comment
A sign of mental illness, only blockheads see God-blocking.
What could it possibly mean to have a partial “grain” of truth? How is
Report thiseven part of a grain of truth detected? How much is not a whole grain?
If man is the cause of disruptions such as global warming or war, how
is that “natural?”
By Peter, January 3, 2011 at 10:41 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
Wow, Robertson is right! I’ve lived in the Northeast for 47 years and it NEVER
snows in the winter!!! That’s probably why it gets hot in the summer, rains in the
spring, and leaves fall off of the trees in Autumn!
Thanks God, I get it now ; )
Report thisBy laura, January 3, 2011 at 8:54 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
Does this mean that Southern States where it didnt snow God approved their gay activities???
Report thisWhat a nut job! No pun intended!
By alturn, January 3, 2011 at 1:04 am Link to this comment
Robertson like many preachers indicate ‘God is punishing us for something’. While it has a grain of truth, it most certainly is not whole grain.
Man on many levels causes natural disruptions. One is global warming. Secondly is war. Another would be selfishness and greed. We do not recognize the elemental / devic kingdom yet this parallel evolution to humanity is also life. When you pollute or bomb you create disequilibrium in the elemental kingdom that causes disturbances in the form of natural events from weather to earthquakes. Hence the need for harmlessness and goodwill to all which many preachers leave out of their analysis of this portion of the law of cause and effect.
“Humanity as a whole does not recognize its complicity in the events that happen in the world — even to the extent of the changes in the world’s weather patterns. Yet many of the earthquakes, much of the weather disturbances, the floods and hurricanes, the volcanic eruptions, and so on, are due to the destructive energies sent out by humanity. Their thoughts and feelings carry energy and make a collective impact. These factors create thoughtforms which are so destructive that they upset the elementals who control the weather. So the traditional weather patterns are completely awry.”
Report this- World Teacher Maitreya through an associate as given to the media by Share International
By hark, January 2, 2011 at 11:57 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
I will never forgive the god of the Old Testament for destroying all life on earth, save for a few, because he got annoyed at some bad people around the time of Noah. Why didn’t that god just whisk away the bad guys? Was that a big deal for someone who created the universe in 7 days? Hardly. And why did he create bad guys in the first place? Or good people whose only purpose in life was to worship this god?
And as for these silly weather events that he throws at us, can’t he target the people he is annoyed with, instead of clobbering everyone in a region. Doesn’t it all seem silly? That people can still believe such nonsense?
Report this