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 Steve Jobs Snoozes, Apple Loses: It’s Cause for AlarmPosted on Jan 9, 2011Fake news by Andy Borowitz CUPERTINO, Calif.—Apple Inc. canceled a press conference today to address the glitch plaguing the iPhone’s alarm function when company chief Steve Jobs failed to show. “I totally overslept,” Jobs later told reporters. “I’ve got to say this is really embarrassing.” Apple’s engineers have been working day and night to fix the problems with the iPhone’s alarm but so far have seen only limited success, according to Jobs: “We’ve gotten the alarm to go off, but for some reason it plays ‘Never Gonna Give You Up,’ by Rick Astley.” Jobs, however, did offer a temporary fix to iPhone users whose alarms do not work: “For the time being, tape your iPhone to a working alarm clock.” Birthers Challenge Hawaii to Produce Statehood Certificate Advertisement Obama’s claim to American citizenship has rested on his birthplace being Hawaii, but the Birthers argued today that Hawaii’s claim to being part of America is far from a foregone conclusion. Speaking to reporters in Kailua, Birther leader Orly Taitz said that Hawaii couldn’t be considered part of the United States “unless it can produce an authentic statehood certificate.” Taitz said she did a thorough title search on the islands and has concluded that rather than being a U.S. state, “the islands of Hawaii appear to be colonies of Kenya.” “That means that everyone born in Hawaii is legally not an American but a Kenyan,” she said, “which I find ironic.” The Birthers’ contention that Hawaii is not a state promptly drew support from one leading Republican politician, former Gov. Sarah Palin. “To be honest, it’s something I’ve always kind of wondered about,” Palin said. “Hawaii just isn’t an American-sounding name, like Alaska.” Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.” © 2011 Creators Syndicate  Previous item: Defusing a Sociological Bomb Next item: Turning the Tables on Health Care New and Improved CommentsIf you have trouble leaving a comment, review this help page. Still having problems? Let us know. If you find yourself moderated, take a moment to review our comment policy. |
Bank of America Lied to Homeowners and Rewarded Foreclosures, Ex-Employees Say
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© 2013 Truthdig, LLC. All rights reserved.
By Gilbert Cantlin, January 11, 2011 at 9:56 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
No surprise at all. Steve Jobs has begun lowering the quality of Apple products
Report thisin the name of popularity based on nothing but the bottom line. Those of us
who purchased a costly telephone tech support program when we purchased
our computers have, in recent months, gone through the outrageous, inhuman
process of Jobs’ attempt to handle all our calls through endless answering
machine madness. The damned machines don’t understand a word of English!
Even that system, after being attacked justifiably by all kinds of customer
attacks keeps changing from call to call. What they had for years worked just
fine, even though it was answering-machined for a few steps at the start.
Complaints seldom register at all. Even letters directly addressed to Jobs. And
the icing on the cake is that Jobs won’t allow a renewal of the Apple three-year
call-in service plan, thereby forcing the customers who have earned him all his
wealth and been so faithful to purchase a new Apple computer if they want to
continue having tech support by talking EVENTUALLY to live people. Steve Jobs
seems to have taken lessons from Bill Gates and is fast going the way of
Microsoft. And we all know that mass production, fast changes of operating
systems, super-heavy advertising, and absolutely no live tech support at all has
been the doom of Microsoft Windows in competition with Apple—till recently!
By rollzone, January 10, 2011 at 1:11 pm Link to this comment
hello. in a related awakening Billy Gato (spanglesh for
Report thisBill Gates) has completed ramping up Chinese military
sophistication, and has returned to Washington State to
modernize defenses around his perimeter. meanwhile, the
call has gone out to produce the complete paperwork for
the White House dog, as certainty rises the vermin is
merely a Russian spy masquerading as man’s best friend.
my alarm app sounds alike a ticking bomb. i am afraid
to sleep. love that Kenyan Kona grass skirt coffee.
By NZDoug, January 10, 2011 at 3:04 am Link to this comment
The problem with these sarcasms is that people will believe they are fact, and
Report thisquote them, because they cant see the forest for the trees, and will be accused of
doing so.
The policies of failure have failed.
We must apply them with more vigor.
We must go forward, never backward.
Upward, never forward!
Constantly twirling, twirling, twirling, towards freedom and democracy.
By Daniel, January 10, 2011 at 1:39 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
That Apple news made me crack up!! XD I believe it for
Report thisa second because it appeared in Google.. HAHAHA! So
funny, and ironic. :p