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A Moment for Sarah, Then Back to John

Posted on Sep 21, 2008

By Will Durst

Got a message for Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. Hey lady. How ya doing? Me too. It’s going around. Listen, the couch is over there and you might want to lie down and take a Zen moment to get over your bad self. You had a nice run: your moment in the sun, complete with an “SNL” skit featuring your doppelganger, Tina Fey, but now the honeymoon is over and you should moose up and use this quiet time to devise an actual stance in lieu of a pose. I’m sorry to be the one to have to say this, but you are so earlier-this-month. It’s your partner, John McCain, who’s back in the news. And not in what you call your good way.

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His iron grip on what is generally regarded as reality slipped like the manual transmission on a Model T Ford with a faulty handbrake parked on a San Francisco hill facing up. He’s reverted to his pre-convention state of fumbling and foundering and flummoxing and falling into a fevered form of flabbergast. And it’s that nasty old economy that’s the piranha in his pants biting his big white furry butt. Again.

In the past he said he didn’t know much about it. And it’s not that hard to believe him. If he could point out three distinct differences between Lehman Brothers and the Jonas Brothers, I’d be as shocked as a giraffe on a glass escalator after too many fermented BlackBerries that the Arizona senator either did or didn’t invent. You might say he takes an arm’s-length approach to the economy. You might also say that arm length is extended enough to qualify for frequent flier miles.

It was drinking the Daily Gallup Kool-Aid that transformed Dr. Unconcerned into Mr. Proactive. But even with the makeup and the rubber mask, the role still seems a bit off kilter on a man who is so notoriously free market that he escorted the French philosopher Laissez-Faire out of range of the security cameras, fed him a handful of Rufies, then locked him in the evidence room behind a file cabinet wrapped in a pile of piano blankets.

Responding to the recent Chernobyl-sized meltdown on Wall Street, the Bush Successor Wannabe insisted that “the fundamentals of our economy are strong,” demonstrating a cluelessness you don’t normally associate with folks still in possession of a pulse or not related to one of the judges on “So You Think You Can Dance.” But totally in line for a guy not sure of how many houses he owns. And I have a quick question here: When you own seven houses, how big do your pants pockets need to be to accommodate all your keys? He should do what I always do: Trade four houses for a hotel.


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McCain jumped off the Deregulation Express so fast that Jamaican Bolt guy probably tried to buy his shoes. His cure for what ails us calls for empaneling a blue-ribbon study group like the 911 Commission, sounding like reform the same way that a pneumatic jackhammer sounds like a dial tone. He put off proposing concrete solutions, such as equipping tourists with steel umbrellas to repel falling hedge fund brokers, but maybe he’s squirreling that one away for his fact-finding commission. He did talk about dismantling the Old Boy Network in Washington, and that could actually work. Especially when you consider the senator’s current standing as Ranking Old Boy.

Will Durst’s book “The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing” is available at Amazon and many bookstores.

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By hippy pam, September 24, 2008 at 7:23 am Link to this comment

“they” have reported that “moose turd” palin is SNUBBING THE PRESS….It is my belief that HER HANDLERS have impressed on her THE NEED TO SHUT THE FU*K UP BEFORE SHE PUTS HER FOOT IN SH-IT…
[and if I were cindy mcshame-I would be careful of accepting any food/drink/candy/gifts from “hubby mcshame” or “moose turd lips pile-on”-I WOULD BE AFRAID….VERY AFRAID…..

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By purplewolf, September 23, 2008 at 10:29 pm Link to this comment

BignGreen: I don’t know what drugs will cure this anomolie, however a good guess as to the drug that induced this state of confusion, meth. Yes, it was reported on Realtime week of Sept. 12th 2008, that the police raided 42 meth labs in Wasilla(Wasilly) county, home of the city of Wasilla where Sarah used to be mayor. Must be how the people were able to survive her mayorship days.

Don’t forget the 4x size pockets John needs, he also has at least 12 cars he needs keys for.

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By GrammaConcept, September 22, 2008 at 5:54 pm Link to this comment

and so now, we have a few ‘observations’ from fun with the NewYorker:

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By BignGreen, September 22, 2008 at 5:00 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Amazingly good and quite humorous. It just blows my mind that people are still stupid enough to support a ticket that when given the chance will destroy everything in its path. There is definitely some incredible mental illness floating about the McPalin combo. What drugs will be needed for the cure?

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By Purple Girl, September 22, 2008 at 3:49 pm Link to this comment

McCain should be facing a jury, not Bill O’Reilly.
He has not only Aided and abetted this decades long swindle of Americans- he has been one of it’s ring leaders (until recenetly when it appears he’s in the middle stages of Alzheimers)
He will hide his complicity in this as he has when it came to POW/MIA’s. I have no doubt he was Collaborating with the vietcong..Hi sinconsistent story about his ‘Confessed team memebers’- which one is he claiming to be accurate? Or will he leave this lie hang out there with no reconcilation like Hillary’s ‘Sniper fire Story’.Does he not realize being viewed as a traitor or as Senile are desirable traits in any Employee, Esp the POTUS!?!
We don’t really need to ask Sen mcCain WHICH COUNTRY FIRST- His actions have spoken louder than his Words- It Ain’t US!

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By RubberPimple, September 22, 2008 at 6:50 am Link to this comment

Yes, Reg, because people like YOU will demolish the intent based on a need for anal precision. You’re like that guy in class who asks questions to show how intelligent he is, rather than being motivated by true curiosity.

It was a joke. Try laughing.

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By boggs, September 21, 2008 at 5:33 pm Link to this comment

What an entertaining article by Will Hurst. I laughed all the way through it.
And he didn’t mislead, exagerate, or spin the truth.
Hope he will continue to appear in these spaces.

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By Reg Stocking, September 21, 2008 at 4:37 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

The Ford Model T has a planetary transmission, not a manual.  It’s a whole different mess of cats.  The lesson here is that one shouldn’t make a cute analogy unless one really knows what one is talking about.  Otherwise it’s a perfectly good piece.

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