June 19, 2013
Athlete Without Compelling Personal Drama Expelled From Olympics
Posted on Aug 17, 2008
A member of the U.S. Olympic diving team was disqualified from competition today when it was learned that he did not have a sufficiently compelling human story line to exploit on the NBC telecast of the worldwide sporting event.
Tracy Klujian, the expelled diver, was not raised by a single mother, never had a career-threatening injury and did not overcome a personal tragedy of any kind before making the Olympic diving team, U.S. Olympic officials revealed today.
“Had Tracy been involved in an organ donation, as either a donor or a recipient, that would have been acceptable to us,” a diving team spokesman told reporters. “However, he was not.”
According to sources close to the diving team, Mr. Klujian had concealed the fact that he comes from an intact, middle-class family that never lost its home to a flood, tornado or typhoon. But what may have sealed Mr. Klujian’s doom, sources said, was his utter lack of a gravely ill family member to win a medal for.
“Tracy did his best to hide his background from team officials,” one source said. “But when the truth came out, he was finished.”
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.”
© 2008 Creators Syndicate
New and Improved Comments