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May 22, 2013
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 Plodding Down the Information SuperhighwayPosted on Jul 27, 2008In a daring bid to wrench attention from his Democratic rival in the 2008 presidential race, Sen. John McCain today embarked on a historic first-ever visit to the Internet. Given that the Arizona Republican had never logged onto the Internet before, advisers acknowledged that his first foray into the World Wide Web was fraught with risk. But with his Democratic rival, Barack Obama, making headlines with his tour of the Middle East and Europe, the McCain campaign felt that it needed to “come up with something equally bold for John to do,” according to one adviser. McCain aides said that the senator’s journey to the Internet will span five days and will take him to such far-flung sites as Amazon, eBay and Facebook. With a press retinue watching, Sen. McCain logged onto the Internet at 9 a.m. Sunday, going first to MapQuest. “I can’t get this [expletive] thing to work,” Sen. McCain said as he struggled with his computer’s mouse, causing his wife, Cindy, to prompt him to add that he was “just kidding.” Advertisement Sen. McCain said that he had embarked on his visit to the Internet to allay any fears that he is too out of touch to be president, adding that he plans to take additional steps to demonstrate that he is comfortable with today’s technology: “In the days and weeks ahead, you will be seeing me rock out with my new Walkman.” Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book “The Republican Playbook.” © 2008 Creators Syndicate  Previous item: An Unlikely Pair Fight the Death Penalty Next item: The Military-Industrial Complex: It’s Much Later Than You Think New and Improved CommentsIf you have trouble leaving a comment, review this help page. Still having problems? Let us know. If you find yourself moderated, take a moment to review our comment policy. |
The Path of Hubris and War
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By Xntrk, July 29, 2008 at 3:44 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
I am almost as old as Neanderthal Man McCain, but I have been using a computer/word processor for my writing since 1981. Boy do I miss Dos 5.0
Remember when it was possible to to the guts of the problem, add a couple of commands and a semi-colon and get on with your life? Now, a colonoscopy would be more effective, if you knew where to plug in the device.
My latest machine runs Vista. It is driving me nuts - I hate to be told what to do by anyone, and this damned machine gives more orders then my mother did when I was 10. Download this, update that. Did you REALLY want to use that program? Are you CERTAIN that is what you want? I think the Cretins at MS have lost it - instead of Vista, this damned program should be called Nanny…
As for McCain’s lack of www skills - I don’t think he’s the only one in the Senate. Senator Inouye had no web site for years and has finally come up with an email address, but he doesn’t reply to anything or even acknowledge it. Senator Akaka, also in his 80s and from Hawaii, seems to be quite at home with computers and their advantages to a politician.
Guess aging is really all in your head…
Report thisBy Louise, July 28, 2008 at 8:48 am Link to this comment
Hooray!
The comments are as funny as the satire!
Thanks all for restoring my faith in humor ...
Speaking of faith and humor, has anybody noticed we seem to be having less trouble accessing truthdig? Maybe someone there finally figured out how to handle more traffic. Thing is, the truth is not far from the satire. Altogether to many people access and create without having a clue what they’re doing [myself included] or how it works.
I recently had a letter that had been lost in cyberspace for several years, turn up in my friends inbox!
Go figure?
Not me!
I haven’t got a clue!
Report thisBy SamSnedegar, July 28, 2008 at 2:53 am Link to this comment
I recall thinking that DOS 5.0 was too complicated for people like McCain. I guess I was right.
I used to think Startrek was the way to go—-you know, where we tell the computer what to do? Nowadays the thing is to learn carefully how to do what the computer says to do.
I’m sure McCain can learn; he learned how to do exactly as the Bushitters told him to do, didn’t he?
Report thisBy Pat Henry, July 28, 2008 at 2:19 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
McCain doesn’t use the www? Staffers get information for him? Get a life! We need leaders who gather their own information, form their own ideas. We’ve had too much of puppets and sycophants lately.
We need A students, scholars, thinkers. That’s the kind of men and women who made this country great. That’s what our Founders were made of.
I’d prefer our Presidential candidates read books, but regular visits to the Web could be a reality check. I’m not talking about sites that interest prurient old men, or those that promise eternal turgidity through Cialis.
If we fail to choose the better candidate in November we’ve nobody to blame for the consequences but ourselves
Report thisBy kashilinus, July 27, 2008 at 8:49 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
The way I heard it, McCain was shopping around a computer store and finally, somewhat embarrassed at not having purchased anything, brought a mouse pad to the cashier. “Is this all?” the cashier asked. “Yeah, I guess,” Mc Cain replied. “I want to start slow.”
Report thisBy GW=MCHammered, July 27, 2008 at 8:22 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
A young staff member takes senator McCain to a personality test website. “Only seventy questions and they can tell you exactly who you are and what you’re about,” brags the staffer. “This I gotta see,” exclaims the doubting silver surfer. He plows through the questions answering one by one then says, “There, done,” and clicks the submit button.
‘TEST FAILED’ flashes on the monitor.
“What? How can you flunk a personality test” he scopes around the computer. “This thing made by Diebold?” asks the senator. “No sir,” asserts the staff member as he clicks a huge icon that catapults yelping McCain three feet above his chair. “It’s made by f#^kingmachines dot com,” the staffer confesses. “Welcome to the world wide web, sir!”
Report thisBy Dr. Knowitall, PhD, PhD, July 27, 2008 at 4:49 pm Link to this comment
This is not the first I’ve heard this. TV anchors were saying that a POTUS didn’t really need to know how to use the internet because they had staff people to do it for them.
Haven’t many businesses and institutions gone paperless? What about the gov.?
How can one be POTUS in 2008 and not know how to use a computer or the internet? I think he was putting everybody on. So, he never tried to communicate with an official or a constituent by computer and his senate office and his desk don’t have computers?
Report thisThat’s a real stretch.
By cyrena, July 27, 2008 at 4:38 pm Link to this comment
This is too funny!!
Rock out johnny, rock out!!
(the Walkman has to be a collectors item)
Report this