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Posted on Apr 27, 2008

Satire by Andy Borowitz

The Democratic race for president has descended to “a level of meanness and acrimony that is damaging to American politics,” the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth said today.

The Swift Boat group, which became famous in 2004 for attacking Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry, said that it was speaking out because “the current Democratic contest is giving Swift-boating a bad name.”

“We have increasingly heard pundits accusing Clinton and Obama of Swift-boating each other,” said Swift Boat Veteran Tracy Klugian. “This hurts the reputation of Swift-boating.”

Mr. Klugian was quick to draw a distinction between what Sens. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are doing and Swift-boating, which he called “a noble profession.”

“When you try to destroy a member of another party, that’s Swift-boating,” said Mr. Klugian. “When you do it to a member of your own party, that’s cannibalism.”

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He said that the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth would soon air ads attacking both Democratic candidates for sullying the reputation of Swift-boating.

“Tear each other up if you want to, but don’t take Swift-boating down with you,” he said. “That’s just unfair.”

The Swift Boat Veterans’ statement came on the heels of a similar statement by the Weather Underground, a 1960s radical group that has been tied to both the Obama and Clinton camps over the past week.

“We denounce and reject both candidates,” said the Weather Underground, which has seen its approval ratings plummet in recent days.

Elsewhere, CNN’s Larry King said he would continue his series on polygamy, saying that he was uniquely qualified to discuss people who had more than five wives.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2008 Creators Syndicate


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By Bluestocking, April 30, 2008 at 8:18 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Do I hear glass shattering?  Methinks I do…

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By Women voters not thinking ahead, April 29, 2008 at 11:40 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Hillary as President, nice ring to it for women, except that with such voter sentiment (more war, more special-interest pandering), fewer Democrats will be elected to Congress, thus fewer votes to get a women’s-issues Supreme Court nominee confirmed. More Clinton corruption and the stench of these two in the White House again. Women voters are drinking the Kool-Aid for possibly the most sickening example of womanhood ever to run for public office.

http://www.buzzflash.com/articles/contributors/1587

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By TC, April 29, 2008 at 9:59 am Link to this comment

At its highest level, the MS of CABP is staged once every four years in that mighty land of the Incorporated and Off-Shored - The Corporate States of America (CSA), formerly known as the USA.

Get ready people. Time to dial a vote, donate a dollar. And look! Here comes our first lovely contestant now, John McPain! Of the McBleed dynasty. Step right up John McPain and tell us what you plan to do with your four years of Master Servitude.

John McPain: “Well, people, I plan to wage war. One hundred years of war, a thousand years, whatever it takes to destroy Godless Communism, I mean kill Indians, I man smash the ungrateful citizens of this great land, I mean put Iraqis in their place. That’s what I really mean. And what are Iraqis, after all? Oil pumpers. That’s we what want them for, that’s what we want them to do. I mean, really, Shia? Sunni? Kurd? Muslim? Who knows? Who cares? Just pump the oil for us, Boys. Be good sports.”

Thank you! Thank you, John McPain. Now let’s go to our second contestant of this great American night, Barack O’Bomba!

Barack O’Bomba: Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Host. With my four years as Host of this great nation, excuse me, of course I mean, as Master Servant, I plan to, well first let me say, I should say that John McPain has it all wrong. Why do in a hundred years, a thousand, what we can do in two years, two short years. We can do it. Yes, we can! In two short years as Master Host, I mean, Servant, I will cut the number of US soldiers in Iraq in half! I will cut them in half. That’s what we call withdrawal, I mean, redeployment, I mean - I oppose the war! I oppose this war that I vote for every chance I get to fund it. Yes, I do. And I’ll tell you why. It’s because I oppose it! I think I should be the one to run the war. I mean end it. I will manage it. I will manage it one oil well at a time, oil terrorists be damned, whoever they are. Yes, we can!

Excellent words, Barack O’Bomba and John McPain, thank you, thank you both. And yes I believe either one of you would make an excellent Publicity Host (Hillary Coldgun too), and so I thank you for running for Master Servant, for running alongside me, as it were, thank you both.

There you have it, America. It’s your choice now. You have to choose. Mr. McPain or Mr. O’Bomba - the next great Master Servant of the Corporate States of America.

http://apragmaticpolicy.wordpress.com/2008/04/16/master-servant-of-corporate-america-beauty-pageant/

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By Thomas Billis, April 28, 2008 at 8:05 pm Link to this comment

The Swift boat veterans have gotten involved in the Jeremy Wright controversey.Calling him unpatriotic for not serving in the National Guard and actually going to Viet Nam as a marine.One spokesperson said “the real patriots were in the National Guard defending this country from the Viet Cong attack that was expected to come at any minute”.Pres Bush and Vice Pres Quayle were the real heroes.You can tell by their shiny flag lapel buttons.

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By dasm, April 28, 2008 at 3:15 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

The term ‘swift-boating’ has become synonymous with smearing someone through lies & hate.  The Swift Boat Vets for Truth (truth??- in their own minds only) brought this on themselves, because anyone with a brain saw their tactics for exactly that: smears, lies, & hate. Their tactics were indefensible then, and are now.  They, more than anyone, made a mockery of politics & honest campaigning; they brought campaign attacks to a new & disgusting level of destructiveness and dishonesty.  Hopefully as the Repubs continue to lose power, some sort of ethics and the addressing of real issues can come back to U.S. politics.  “hurts the reputation of Swift Boaters”???  You are a group of miserable, dishonest old men who will do anything to destroy a candidate.  That is the only reputation you have, a reputation earned long before the present election campaigning began.

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By Aaron Corsi, April 28, 2008 at 9:29 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

I heard they are doing wonderful things at mental instuites

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