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Prescription Accomplished

Posted on Mar 23, 2008

By Andy Borowitz

On a day when millions of Americans were reeling from the news that there were trace amounts of prescription drugs in their drinking water, President George W. Bush made a stunning announcement at the White House.

“I am responsible for this,” Mr. Bush told reporters. “This is my idea of a prescription-drug plan.”

Standing before a banner reading “Prescription Accomplished,” the president said that he hoped providing Americans with free medications via their tap water would prove to be “the finest legacy” of his administration.

Mr. Bush indicated that America’s drug-laced waters could boost tourism in the United States, adding that English rocker Pete Doherty was “getting on the next plane over here.”

Across the country, the announcement that President Bush had doped America’s drinking water with dozens of prescription medications drew a variety of reactions.


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“It makes me proud to be an American,” said pitching great Roger Clemens.

Responding to the news that she had been imbibing anti-anxiety drugs in her water, New York resident Carol Foyler said, “I’m not worried about it, but come to think of it, I’m not worried about anything anymore.”

But Atlanta’s Tracy Klujian said that he believes all drinking water in the United States should come with a warning label indicating possible side effects. “I had a glass of water yesterday, and I had an erection lasting more than four hours,” he said.

Elsewhere, shuttle astronauts planned to assemble the first robot in outer space, despite warnings that the robot would kill them and take over the ship.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2008 Creators Syndicate


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By katie, March 26, 2008 at 6:17 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

great post, makes u really think

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By driving bear, March 24, 2008 at 9:00 pm Link to this comment

Don’t you see Bush is just trying to get you crazies the medication you desperately need. Just drink the water or mix it with your kool aid and you will be all better.


just a few months ago did not the crazy liberals start a campaign to get Americans to give up bottled water and go back to tap water. think about it

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By hippy pam, March 24, 2008 at 3:10 pm Link to this comment

HIS IMPERIAL HIGH*SS EMPEROR BULLSH*T and ALL HIS FRIENDS[Cheney-Rice-ay etc.etc.etc.] just keep getting rich of all the BAD THINGS BULLSH*T HAS DONE To The American Worker/Consumer/Parent/Grandparent/
Child/Home buyer/-

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By Louise, March 24, 2008 at 9:18 am Link to this comment

As a loyal and persistent Bush-watcher, [I have a strong stomach] once again I stand amazed!

Amazed and overwhelmed at the incredible brilliance emanating from the “elfin” intelligence of our unity president!

How is it that this little man with the brain of a chipmunk can continue so successfully for so many years to keep his “boot-on-the-neck” government going?

It must be some sort of genius, right? I mean anyone else would have been laughed out of town years ago!

Oh duh ...

It just dawned on me! It’s the Alfred E. Neuman look!
And while I really truly apologize for putting Alfred down, we all love Mad Magazine, and Alfred. And you have to admit, there is a bit of a resemblance. So of course we’re going to follow the leader who reminds us of him!

Waiting for the really great laugh!

Maybe in his youth Bush posed for the original cover!

Responded to their add:
“Wanted; Someone who looks as dumb as they are. Salary commensurate with ability.”

Maybe that was the cash advance that launched his failed carrier as an oil tycoon.

Which led him to his true calling.

Politics, where being as vacuous as you look can be a real plus!

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By purplewolf, March 24, 2008 at 8:32 am Link to this comment

It is well known that Georgie has dropped the standards for pollutants in our drinking water in his first term by allowing MORE arsenic in the drinking water as it saved BIG business money as they didn’t have to remove the harmful elements in the water anymore. In his second term, Bushies V.P,‘s spin off of Halliburton-KGR (really the new KGB)- has been providing unsafe drinking water to our troops in the false war called IRAQI BULLSHIT.

In order to continue to pull the wool over the eyes and minds of the American public and able to “dumb down” all the population at the same time, the evil empire decided, behind closed doors at 3 A.M. in the morning, to pass laws that congress was totally unaware of due to mass hypnosis brought on by the spinning oil barrel on the end of a string. This underhanded project came to be and no one knew except for the Emperor Bushit and his evil minions. Orders were given and Blackwater, on it’s Holy Crusade to turn America into a fascist country, just like Germany only undated, poisoned all the waters in America with massive doses of antidepressants, psychotropic drugs, fertility drugs(to ensure more cannon fodder for the wars), erectile dysfunction drugs(to make sure there is cannon fodder for the wars), LSD, tranquilizers, ecstasy, essential oils of marijuana, along with a wide variety of liquid un-inhibitors otherwise known as booze.

As Americans went about their daily lives in a haze of “feel good” the country was sold down the river(to the highest bidders),all the while being brainwashed into believing everything was hunkey-dorey while the infrastructure crumbled, jobs left the country, food and gas and medical quickly became unobtainable by many, people who suffered from the storms in the southern states were left to fend for themselves as congress allowed the Big insurance companies to be freed of their obligation to cover the damage these chattle have paid for all their lives. Jobs were sent out of the country faster than a speeding bullet and illegals run amok in the country. What jobs that were left for the lucky few, cuts in their benefit packages(provided they even had any),wages were cut, more work was expected from fewer people, home foreclosures are the thing of the year, along with higher costs for everything needed to survive all the while the dollar value goes down, as well as income. But, hey, the public was pacified and unaware of what was happening until it was to late. Their rights and freedoms were taken, surveillance cameras have popped up all over this country, laws put in place so vague that almost anything could be considered a violation, spying on the public is commonplace, privacy is a joke, censorship is the rule of the country and freedom of press is nil, the threat of Martial Law hangs over our heads, but as long as America has its fix, who cares.

When the drugs are cut off and Americans finally go thru withdrawal and wake up in one of the administration 600+ FEMA concentration camps already up and running in America(along with lethal gas and ovens just like Auschwitz) the harsh fasts of reality will smack them in the face, but then it is too late.

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By Purple Girl, March 24, 2008 at 5:12 am Link to this comment

Look at the Leading Dems (Nancy, harry, Diane….) they Look Stoned out of their minds.
Consider the schizophrenic personality of Hillary & Bill and Fact speaks for it’s self.
Not to mention the ability to veil the obvious Fact that 9/11 was Attack on the ‘Military Industrial Complex’ and NOT ON AmericaNs and it is obvious the entire Water System is contaminated. Come On let’s get “real” the Targets that were Hit (and missed) Told US who they were after and Thus WHO put US in harms Way (used our Citizens as Human Shields and OUR flag as Camoflague, for Decades)
The real enemies Who Hate Democracy, Free Speech , The Free Press and the Free Market sits in the VP Office (W., as Planned ,is to stupid & arrogant to relaize he Too is just another Stooge like Ronny).
Cheney should have been tried Convicted and Sentenced For Crimes Against Humanity Decades ago! Now he has War Crimes and Treason to be Held Accountable for - along with his Co Workers and Foreign Sponsors.Binny probably Threw a ‘Welcome Home ‘party for him during his Visit to the ME!
bin Laden is just as guilty of Deceiving and Betraying his own people as DICK

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