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 The Wronged Political Wives ClubPosted on Mar 13, 2008BOSTON—To think that I had never focused blame on this particular part of the male anatomy. But there was anthropologist Helen Fisher on the “Today” show explaining that Client 9’s destiny was in his eyebrows. And his cheekbones. “All you have to do is look at Eliot Spitzer,” she said authoritatively. “He’s got very high cheekbones and a very heavy brow. And these are signs of extremely high testosterone.” Who knew? Of course this anthrobabble was not as bad as what came from Laura Schlessinger, the guiltmeistress of talk radio, who located the cause of infidelity entirely outside of the male body and onto the wife. “When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible,” said our gal Laura. “The cheating was his decision to repair what is damaged and to feed himself where he is starving.” At, say, $1,000 an hour? While eyebrows were being analyzed, jaws were dropping across the face of the nation. Even in a cynical age when one politician after another leaves his reputation in a bathroom stall or a D.C. Madam’s book, the New York governor’s fall from “Eliot Ness” to John of the Week was stunning. He’d gone from “the steamroller” prosecutor to Kristen’s customer to the announcement: “I am resigning from the office of governor.” Advertisement The female focus was Silda Wall Spitzer, the Harvard-educated lawyer and wife of 20 years. It was on the “stone-faced,” “ashen-faced” woman, her “eyes puffy and visibly shaken,” who stood by her husband’s side. Not once, but twice. The frustrated wish that echoed through my real and virtual neighborhood was that “just once” some politician’s wife would say no to the ritual public humiliation, hit the jerk upside the head, and yell, in blogger Amy Ephron’s words: “And another thing, I’m keeping the house.” The closest anyone had come was the woman who once warned, “I’m a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary. If he does something like that, I’m walking away with one thing, and it’s not alimony, trust me.” Alas, that was Wendy Vitter, who did not walk away when her husband’s name, Sen. David Vitter, was found in the D.C. Madam’s black book. There were other musings and postings from the XX side of the biological ledger. More than one angry woman blurted, “This is why we need a woman in the White House!!!” Others cringed at the echoes—oh, no, not Monica reruns—that could keep a woman from the White House. But adding it up, there were few women left standing by the woman who stands by her man. Well, allow me to raise one (very light and estrogen-ated) eyebrow. The very model of a political wife today is a strong woman. Silda Wall Spitzer is not unlike Elizabeth Edwards or Michelle Obama. They are all lawyers, all advisers, and all left their own professional lives. That’s the way we like them. We want an independent thinker who rarely contradicts her husband. We want women who are powerful but not uppity, to shine but not outshine, and, above all, to be equals who happily choose to walk one step behind. We expect them to stand by their man in good times and are horrified when they do it in bad times. In a moving speech this week, Diane Patrick, lawyer and wife of Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick, described the pressures that led her into a deep depression last year. “I stopped being Diane and I started being the lovely wife,” she said. “I was demoralized, I was diminished, I was exhausted.” And that’s without a scandal. I can’t figure for the life of me why so many prominent men are sexual risk-takers. I can’t even figure out the allure of a hotel assignation. The hotel fantasies among traveling mothers I know are about taking baths alone and calling room service. I also don’t know what combination of strength and weakness, family obligation and humiliation sets the Sildas on stages. But I do know that the political demand for two-for-the-price-of-one often comes at the cost of one. So, before we start deciding what we want from a wronged political wife, we better start changing what we demand from the right political wife. Ellen Goodman’s e-mail address is ellengoodman(at)globe.com. ©2008, Washington Post Writers Group Elsewhere: . CommentsAre you a Truthdig member yet? Login now, or register with Truthdig. Add Your Comment
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By geeks, August 14 at 6:53 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Humm… interesting,
it is so easy to judge therefor i won’t give any quote about it let them do live their life.
Thanks for bringing this up
Report thisBy Outraged, March 18, 2008 at 4:48 am #
Great stuff Ellen, I enjoyed that.
Your quote: “But I do know that the political demand for two-for-the-price-of-one often comes at the cost of one. So, before we start deciding what we want from a wronged political wife, we better start changing what we demand from the right political wife.”
Isn’t it the truth though. I know I personally have been noticing McCain’s wife. I look right past McCain ever since he became a Bushie. And there’s something incredibly striking about his wife’s disconnect. It jumps right out at you…....I’ve heard some scuttle-but about this and that but you know you hate to right away judge her. I wonder, is she OK? McCain, in view of NATIONAL cameras treats her like a third wheel. Wow…for me that’s disconcerting.
Re: PatrickHenry
“Most women rarely have to buy sex as men do, they are driven by a different lust, they want to be bought.”
Well…I can agree with HALF of your comment. In other words “women rarely have to “buy” sex”. Holy shit, isn’t that the understatement. There’s just too many men-whores out there, that’s for sure. But what I find positively ironic, is not only will they whore themselves, they’re willing to pay for it too…...what a conundrum.
Report thisBy tdbach, March 17, 2008 at 12:46 pm #
Easy on my friend, Ms. Goodman. This isn’t about men and their lust for the lusty. It’s about expectations of voters and bloggers for the spouses of big-shot pols on the prowl. When we have a lot more women in power, the chances are we’ll have some stories to tell about husbands standing by their side when they’re forced to resign for naughty assignations. Until then, Ms. Goodman’s article stands up just fine. (Don’t tell her husband about her “male-hating psyche; he might stand you on your head.)
Report thisBy Douglas Chalmers, March 15, 2008 at 2:26 pm #
Its 3:am….. and the phone rings!!!
Actually, you could use this for your script, omop:-
When “dear wife” arrived in the middle of the situation (in Macedonia), diplomats on the ground expected an ineffectual high-profile visit. But they were wrong. “She was quite at ease and professional,” says a diplomat who served in the Macedonian capital, Skopje, at the time. “Dear wife” visited refugees in camps on the border and held talks with the Macedonian leadership…..
When the Prime Minister complained about American companies terminating textile contracts with local firms, “dear wife” promised to urge the businesses to change course. Five weeks after her trip, “dear wife” returned to the country with a pledge from Liz Claiborne to support textile manufacturing there… http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20080313/ ..........>>>
us_time/clintonsexperiencedebate;_ylt=ApECnb7Pj0XJARaBco1epOOs0NUE
Fast forward: “hubby” is merely wasting his time getting his rocks off in frustration that everything doesn’t automatically go his way even if he is “in high office”, uhh. Fuck him yerself, omop!
By the way, that is the latest link which Truthdig has censored as “Action Denied: Blacklisted Item Found” when atttempting to post!!! Why???
Report thisBy PatrickHenry, March 15, 2008 at 2:14 pm #
You better check reality again, alot of families are two earner and being occupied with the kids is out sourced to day care providers.
Most women rarely have to “buy” sex as men do, they are driven by a different lust, they want to be bought.
Report thisBy omop, March 15, 2008 at 12:54 pm #
Its 3:am and you cant sleep. worried about hubby. there’s a light in one of the rooms he uses when he works late.
He’s been working late over the Kosovo and Khartoum bombings for weeks now.
Fast forward with hubby on the stand: “i have never had sex with that woman”.
Do I acr wronged or as someone who has had long experience in that kind of situation and sleep with hubby for a change of pace.
[propsed situation/dialogue for a tv sitcom]
Report thisBy Douglas Chalmers, March 15, 2008 at 12:12 pm #
Really amazing how you guys now all want to pass the blame onto the women….. to conceal your own guilt, ha ha ha.
Most women ar pre-occupied with children and their families. Some even get bored with their dickhead obtuse unromantic husbands…....
Report thisBy Maani, March 15, 2008 at 10:54 am #
Margaret:
What part of “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, in health” did you not understand when you took your marriage vows? Or were those just “pretty words” to say to fill up the time it took to complete the wedding ceremony?
I am stunned at the number of people here - both married and not - who would be so quick to call it quits when the going gets rough; it is no wonder the divorce rate in the U.S. is now almost 6 in 10.
Yes, infidelity may be the single harshest example of “for worse” (with the exception of spousal abuse), since it is an outright betrayal, and links the emotional and physical relationships between spouses. But there are plenty of couples in which one spouse has been infidelitous, and yet the couple took their marriage vows seriously and made concerted efforts to work through the issues. And although some are admittedly unable to do so successfully - and do end up divorcing - most are able to do so, and remain married; and having “weathered the storm” actually makes them stronger.
Bt at least they TRY. It certianly sounds like most people here - and particularly the married ones - would simply “jump ship” without making ANY effort to work things out.
How unbelievably sad.
Peace.
Report thisBy troublesum, March 15, 2008 at 7:57 am #
Is it not true that just as many married women today commit adultery as men? Maybe they stand by their men because they are guilty themselves. This isn’t the 1950’s, indeed.
Report thisBy cyrena, March 14, 2008 at 1:47 pm #
Oh please Guys and Girls…
This is NOT about the ‘sex’. That is just a distraction for the simple Americans who get distracted by this stuff.
WHO CARES!!!!
Go back over to the other thread, the piece by Scheer, that explains the real deal on this…WALL STREET’S GAIN!!
http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/20080311_the_real_shame_about_eliot_spitzer/?ln
READ the comments!! Read the post from Louise.
Get your eyes back on the ball.
While you guys are busy chasing cheating statistics, there’s much that you are being blinded by.
Report thisBy passingby, March 14, 2008 at 10:59 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
is his wife cheated first, he did it for revenge, so of course she has to stand by his man.
My point is people should stop writing stupid columns before they know the truth. You do not know what is really going on.
Report thisBy cyrena, March 14, 2008 at 8:16 am #
Actually Gomers, I really do have a sense of humor. Sorry you didn’t pick up on it. I admit it can be sardonic and impudent at times, and I never read my own rants after I write them.
Just writing is fun enough…
Cheers…
Report thisBy odlid, March 13, 2008 at 9:06 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Per usual, Goodman, couching her nightmare-driven, male-hating psyche with feigned equal treatment, fails to mention the obvious. Wives cheat as frequently as husbands. How about something resembling accuracy for a change?
read:
By SUE SHELLENBARGER Staff Reporter of THE WALL STREET JOURNAL (Personal Journal) April 7, 2005; Page D1>
“..a 3,000-person study from the National Opinion Research Center in 2002 suggests that the overall rate of extramarital cheating for women is rising rapidly and is approaching that of men, with nearly one in six married women saying they have had affairs.”
Report thisBy PatrickHenry, March 13, 2008 at 6:38 pm #
When dealing with a predominantly “A” type personality club, you get the good with the bad.
Report thisBy Chatomargo, March 13, 2008 at 4:59 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
When LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa was caught fooling around with the political reporter from the local Spanish-language TV station, he had to do his mea culpas without a dutiful wife by his side.
Bravo for Corina Villaraigosa, who told the over-testosteroned mayor to pack his bags after causing her and her family such public humiliation.
Report thisBy cyrena, March 13, 2008 at 4:28 pm #
AND JUST WHO THE FUCK MADE YOU QUEEN MODERATOR, and if she was so intelligent, why didnt she she what was happening? Marshalls comment has nothing to do with the story. I bet your a real charmer at the family dinner table…...
Oh Gomer
You cant imagine how funny this is except that this time, you werent even trying to be.
ME? Get a grip? I love it!. Youve just gone totally unhinged, and you’re telling ME to get a grip?!
And actually, I AM a real charmer at the dinner table, or the lunch table, or the breakfast table, or just about any damn where I happen to be!! I even charm myself!!
But, youve asked me this question some many times, about who made ME the whatever the whatever, and it can only be YOU!! Nobody else has designated me as the Queen Moderator, or Queen of anything else. I certainly havent. I cant be designated or appointed to be the queen over anything or anybody other than myself.
But, I can write all I want, and talk as much as I want, and anybody who doesnt wanna hear it, or read it, doesnt have to. Doesnt mean I wont do it though.
Meantime, why did you say this thing about Marshall? I never mentioned Marshalls name in my comment. Nope my comment was addressed only to you. At the time that I posted it, YOURS was the only comment there, and it was just so incredibly stupid, that I had to say something.
Just couldnt pass up the opportunity I guess.
So Gomer I think maybe you DO drink maybe a lot. I think you surely must not have a spouse. She would either be running for her life, or she would have ended yours.
I dont know why Mrs. Spitzer decided to stand next to Mr. Spitzer when he did his confessing. Personally, I would NOT have. But, Im not her.
I may or may not have decided to chop off his parts I dont know. Ive never been in that situation.
Now just go have another drink and calm your crazy ass down.
Report thisBy waxman, March 13, 2008 at 2:34 pm #
CYRENA, WHAT ABOUT THE LOVE CHILD YOU AND OBAMA SHARE ??? YOU ARE QUICK TO PICK ON OTHER PEOPLE, BUT SURE DON’T LIKE TO INCLUDE YOURSELF AND LOVER BOY…
Report thisBy Douglas Chalmers, March 13, 2008 at 1:48 pm #
...at least try to get the name right, Gomerspile, uhh http://www.adnkronos.com/AKI/English/Security/?id=1.0.1962300820
Report thisBy Douglas Chalmers, March 13, 2008 at 12:59 pm #
And YOU don’t seem to mind ‘demonizing’ Hillary Clinton for the same reasons, either, cyrena. You are really a nutcase, uhh…..
Report thisBy May, March 13, 2008 at 12:57 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
I totally agree with this assessment. What the two parties do in their private lives about the situation should be between them, but it appears to be that the wife is being used as a sign that the husband’s moral failings can’t be that bad if his own wife is willing to forgive. It is so demeaning to the woman, I can’t imagine why anyone would willingly be subjected to such humiliation. I’ll bet they had to drug her.
And Dr. Laura, for god sakes, could she maybe pull her comments into the present century. She reads like a text book from 1950’s home ec class.
Report thisBy Douglas Chalmers, March 13, 2008 at 12:53 pm #
Quote Ellen Goodman: “To think that I had never focused blame on this particular part of the male anatomy. But there was anthropologist Helen Fisher on the Today show explaining that Client 9s destiny was in his eyebrows. And his cheekbones….”
I hardly think that focussing on the man’s cheekbones nor his dick will give you the solution to the problem. That is to be found in the vacant space between his ears, uhh.
And that is no doubt what Silda Wall Spitzer has finally realized that she should have given far more ‘due diligence’ to many years back. Instead, she has lumbered herself with another one of the helpless males of the species who just have to have a woman to do everything for them.
In this case, it also includes someone to play with his fantasies as well as get their hands in his pants to massage his ego for him. This is the way things happen when the man who can’t cook his own breakfast or wash his own socks has to suddenly deal with his own overbearing ego issues. So hard, uhh.
Well, this is a bit of jive from the 1980’s and the Shangaan artist Obed Ngobeni with the vocal call and response between Ngobeni and the Kurhula Sisters of the Zulu jive scene…... Click on “Nwananga (My child)” at http://www.engine-studios.com/vpp/Africa/Pages/Ngobeni_Sarafina.html from the album “My Wife Bought a Taxi”....
Maybe Spitzer’s wife will now buy him a taxi instead of pandering to his delicate persona, eh???
Report thisBy Margaret Currey, March 13, 2008 at 12:47 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
I wonder if not the bigger sin here is how much he paid for this young woman, even Bill get his sex on the cheap side and as he said “I did not have sex with that woman”.
I will never be a political wife, but I would not stand beside the man in public, would I leave him? If my children were almost grown and I had my own income why would I stay with him. I would certainly get mad at how much money he paid this girl, but then I do not have access to a large amount of money, and then where did this man get all this money to throw away.
Report thisBy Monte Asbury, March 13, 2008 at 11:52 am #
I find the whole ritual of lovely wife standing beside achieving husband terribly odd - even in good times. In this case, hearing Spitzer talk about rebuilding trust at home while she stood there grieving under worldwide examination suggested that his well-being, not her own, was still the primary concern. He’s paid for standing there; she’s not.
Report thisBy Marshall K, March 13, 2008 at 10:41 am #
Don’t forget that the defense industry has spread itself throughout the states and any cuts in spending will result in job losses, which could be political suicide for the representatives advocating them. We have become a nation of defense job junkies, and it will not be easy to get off the smack. It will take courageous leadership and creative thinking. Jobs lost in defense will have to be replaced with jobs in infrastructure, etc.
Report thisBy Omyword!, March 13, 2008 at 10:12 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
This is so well said, Ellen. Thanks. The whole thing saddens me. The risk he took, the betrayal or his own integrity and the trust of his family and constituents, the impact his actions have on his lovely wife and his daughters. I’m sickened by the fevered press and their laziness as they pull supposed “experts” out of the closets and give them their 30 second sound byte. Then the drooling, irresponsible publicity hounds like Dr. L - she doesn’t have a clue. We need to have more respect for human beings as they inevitably fail to live up to their own, and society’s mores, and we need to respect their privacy. Spitzer needs to go. He’s demonstrated poor judgement, and as a public official, he has participated in criminal behavior. The consequences now begin. But I wish the best for his wife and children, in this difficult time.
Report thisBy cyrena, March 13, 2008 at 10:02 am #
Gomerspile,
This has absolutely zip to do with the article.
The article is about woman in politics, who have been publicly humiliated by their husbands, and apparently choose to allow it, for whatever the reasons. (their OWN) and even appear beside them after the fact and/or during the ‘apology’ segment of it.
AND, the point the author is making here, is that so much of the ‘grapevine’ (including these blogs) have remarked on it. People in judgment are not understanding why Silda Spitzer, an intelligent, educated, professional woman, would in fact put up with it, and so there has been this demonization of HER, (even though SHE sure didn’t do anything) by the public.
THAT’S what this article is about, and it doesn’t have shit to do with what political party these political wives happen to be in.
You are really a nutcase Gomer.
Report this