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The President You Are Trying to Reach Is Unavailable

Posted on Mar 10, 2008

By Andy Borowitz

President George W. Bush commented on Sen. Hillary Clinton’s controversial “red phone” campaign ads at the White House today, telling reporters, “When that red phone rings, I just let it go straight to voice mail.”

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President Bush rarely comments about the Democratic presidential contest, but he said that he had to speak up about Clinton’s red phone ads because he found them “so confusing.”

“If I answered the red phone every time it rang, I would never get any sleep,” Bush said. “Sometimes it starts ringing at 9 p.m., and I am already tucked in by then.”

Bush said that “there’s nothing so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow, or whenever I remember to check my voice mail.”

      In a rebuke of Clinton, President Bush added, “If she doesn’t know about letting your calls go straight to voice mail, I don’t think she has the experience to be president.”

Campaigning in Pittsburgh, former President Bill Clinton took issue with Bush’s remarks, telling reporters, “When I get a call at 3 a.m., I always pick up, if you know what I mean.”


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Shortly after making his remarks, the Clinton campaign said that it was revising the former president’s itinerary to focus on states that had already voted in February.

Elsewhere, Sen. John McCain released a new series of campaign ads, showing him answering a telegraph key at 3 a.m.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2008 Creators Syndicate Inc.

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By Douglas Chalmers, March 13, 2008 at 6:05 am Link to this comment

Wasn’t there a woman in Washington who already knew everything??? And 3am is about her busiest time, too, ha ah!

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By johnp, March 11, 2008 at 4:43 am Link to this comment

that was really good Louise, thanks.

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By mackTN, March 10, 2008 at 9:56 pm Link to this comment

uhh, ask elliott spitzer about them

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By Louise, March 10, 2008 at 1:44 pm Link to this comment

Actually Bush lied [again] when he said, “When that red phone rings, I just let it go straight to voice mail.”

The fact is the first thing Cheney did when he moved in to the White House as the Decision Maker was take the red phone away from the Decider Guy.

Explaining, “Now Dubya we wouldn’t want any bells interfering with the voices you hear in your head.” To which the decider guy quickly agreed. After all, how’s a divine-right-king-thing supposed to do divinely kingly things if he cant hear what Gods telling him to do?

Course that was a few years back, he probably doesn’t remember. Although I am sure he has noticed that red phone on Cheney’s desk from time to time. And it is kinda purty. He’s probably even asked if he can have one ... if he promises not to answer it. smile

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By purplewolf, March 10, 2008 at 11:55 am Link to this comment

You mean that John McCain has updated to the telegraph key from smoke signals? But that means he would have to learn Morse Code and we all know you can’t teach an old dog like John anything new.

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By ocjim, March 10, 2008 at 11:14 am Link to this comment

Bush’s 3AM calls go to voicemail but the message is truly, “Your call is not important to me. I’m busy servicing my friends and the rich.”

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By ProUnionProLabor, March 10, 2008 at 8:44 am Link to this comment

The lights are on but nobody is home. Maybe he could let it go straight to ‘voice mail’ all the way to January. Then they can all take a permanent vacation at their big ‘new’ ranch they bought in Parguay.

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By DennisD, March 10, 2008 at 8:39 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

I know these articles by Andy B. are supposed to be satire but I can’t help but believing this story is real. All too real.

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By Douglas Chalmers, March 10, 2008 at 4:22 am Link to this comment

Bush said that “there’s nothing so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow, or whenever I remember to check my voicemail” means that he is NOT allowed to “press the button” anyway…....

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