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 Shrub and the RocketPosted on Feb 22, 2008Now pitching for the White House ... Roger Clemens. That was the word out of Washington today as President George W. Bush introduced the embattled pitcher to the White House press corps as his new official spokesperson. In a joint appearance, Mr. Bush said he decided to tap Mr. Clemens after seeing him testify in congressional hearings last week. “I was blown away by Roger,” Mr. Bush told reporters. “You don’t let talent like that go to waste.” For his part, the former Yankees pitcher appeared to relish his newest assignment, telling reporters, “I am totally pumped.” In his first session with the press today, Mr. Clemens parried with a reporter who asked if the administration was backing off on its promise to start withdrawing troops from Iraq, claiming that the reporter had “misheard” and “misremembered” such a promise. “You have misheard and misremembered something that we did not mispromise,” said Mr. Clemens, who later denied that his name was Roger Clemens. After watching his new spokesperson dazzle the press corps, Mr. Bush said he was filled with pride: “I haven’t seen a performance like that since Rumsfeld.” In other sports news, the U.S. military’s plans to shoot down a disabled spy satellite were thwarted today when New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick shot it down first. Mr. Belichick’s actions lent credence to reports that he used the satellite to film the St. Louis Rams’ practice sessions before the 2002 Super Bowl. Elsewhere, Pakistan’s President Pervez Musharraf said he was optimistic about this week’s elections in his country, explaining, “Regardless of the vote, I have more superdelegates.” Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.” © 2008 Creators Syndicate Previous item: A Fair Question Elsewhere: . CommentsAre you a Truthdig member yet? Login now, or register with Truthdig. Add Your Comment |
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AIDS and the Myth of the Oversexed Negro
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By Louise, February 24 at 6:24 am #
Trackers have detected a portion of the first or second stage rocket, containing a potentially dangerous to public health fuel tank.
The fuel tank appears to have reached sub-orbital, orbit, and could fall back to earth, putting thousands of lives at risk.
For that reason, the Pentagon has decided to launch another rocket to destroy the first rockets dangerous fuel tank before it re-enters the atmosphere.
Secretary Gates when asked about this responded with a furious flurry of eye-blinking followed by a fixed stare on some unknown object just over the left shoulder of the reporter.
However sources close to the Secretary of Defense report he mumbled, “How the hell do I know! I’m a member of the Bush administration, not a damned rocket scientist?”
Report thisBy lib in texas, February 23 at 7:57 am #
Not to many can make me laugh out loud when there is no one to hear. But I will be laughing all day. Until your next post, thanks.
Report thisBy weather, February 23 at 6:19 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Andy’s a remarkably unfunny typist. A low wit ‘stand-up’ at the end of keyboard, who’s attempt of touring w/Shecky Green went no where.
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