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Social Terror Networking

Posted on Feb 10, 2008

By Andy Borowitz

After successfully sponsoring several of the presidential debates, Facebook is spreading its wings once more, announcing today that it would become the official co-sponsor of the United States’ war on terror.

In snagging the coveted anti-terrorism sponsorship, the popular networking site beat out two of its rivals, MySpace and YouTube, who had also vied to co-sponsor the global struggle against Islamic extremism.

While the announcement of the collaboration between the Defense Department and Facebook took many in diplomatic circles by surprise, some intelligence experts characterized the move as a win-win for both partners.

“For Facebook, being named co-sponsor of the war on terror adds to the prestige and luster of their brand,” said Tracy Klujian, editor-at-large for Antiterrorism Monthly. “For the Defense Department, teaming up with Facebook makes the war on terror seem hip and fun.”

At a press conference at the Pentagon, Defense Secretary Robert Gates explained how the U.S. intended to use Facebook to fight terror: “Right now, we have thousands of bad guys out there who are addicted to jihad. We want to get them addicted to Facebook instead.”

Starting this week, Gates said, Facebook will roll out two new quizzes that it hopes will be popular among potential terrorists: “Are You a Jihadist?” and “What Supervillain Are You?”

Mr. Gates said that by signing up thousands of jihadists to the social networking site, Facebook is hoping to net the biggest fish of all: Osama bin Laden.

“If bin Laden starts wasting as much time on Facebook as most Americans do, al-Qaeda is finished,” he said.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”

TAGS: borowitz facebook myspace pentagon satire terror terrorists war

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By Bob, April 8 at 6:14 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

FB should report users

FB should delete people that “advertise” like this person:

http://www.facebook.com/s.php?k=100000080&id=1178124919
pbx dot 029 at gmail dot com

http://thumbsnap.com/v/AQ8Iqgbl.jpg

http://thumbsnap.com/v/qgw0lAd7.jpg

http://thumbsnap.com/v/OdzF5EiC.jpg

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By a human being, February 12 at 6:21 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

How about a war on the human population and maintenance of the power. Is this some kind of joke? All I have to say is, the truth is not something that will elude US forever!

Oh yeah, I hope you guys realize you have to watch what you say...you are now under surveillance...and can be considered a terrorist. This is REAL

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By GW=MCHammered, February 11 at 6:51 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Priceless USA member,

I’ve formed a very affordable yet indispensable SWAT team: Silly War Against Terror

I, along with my anti-terrorist attack dog, will patrol a portion of your grounds (like we do everyday) watching for suspicious terror activity (watching is the active verb) making certain you and your property are safe against ever-present Islamic extremists. The cost for this valuable service is only 100 USD per member per month and will be added to your taxes beginning January 2007 (consider this service in your arrears).

I’m also looking for volunteer SWAT team members in case me and my pooch aren’t in the mood for a perimeter surveillance walk (or it’s cold outside). We are a non-discriminating agency so, foreign radicals are encouraged to apply.

Sincerely,
SWAT team CEO
(copyright 2008 SWATSI: SWAT Satire-Inc)

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By jdogg333, February 11 at 1:16 am #
(47 comments total)

Thank goodness

You know all this time I’m thinking, “if Facebook was part of the intel community we would be much safer.” Thanks Facebook for reading my mind. I can sleep a little easier now.

But I am going to miss sharing pictures of kittens and puppies with Osama. *wipes tear*

Facebook meet Infragard.

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By i,Q, February 10 at 11:21 pm #
(109 comments total)

News Corp loses the war on terror...

Shed a tear for poor Rupert Murdoch…

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By Gregorio, February 10 at 9:14 pm #
(24 comments total)

DOD being kissy-Facebook

Yes, our very own DOD is entering the 21st century in psyops designed to divert critical attention from the fact that the war on terror is entirely bogus and aimed at Islamic fundamentalism because that’s where the oil is. Islamic fundamentalism is a grass roots movement opposed to the tyranny of money and crushing of social justice, two things endemic to all middle eastern countries ruled by capitalist royalty and dependent upon military power. Facebook has no compunctions about participating in this bit of propaganda catapulting since it now gets tax money for the collaboration. Verizon did it already, cooperated with the feds in the creation of the total information society in which no one’s private communications are above suspicion. There’s money in being a quisling. “Suspicion breeds confidence.”

Let’s make snitching fun and socially acceptable.

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By cyrena, February 10 at 9:01 pm #
(4164 comments total)

Andy is hilarious as usual

“If bin Laden starts wasting as much time on Facebook as most Americans do, al-Qaeda is finished,” he said…

‘Tis true of course...American wasting time on facebook. Now I don’t...at least not on Facebook. But I sure spend a lot of time here.

Meantime, I wonder if Andy (or Gates for the matter) cares that Osama bin Laden is dead?

Imagine what THAT truth would do the the “war on terror’ operation.

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By Paracelsus, February 10 at 7:59 pm #
(476 comments total)

That is it!

If Al Qaeada gets caught on Facebook then a good part of the CIA will be through. The same will be true for the KKK, for there will be a lot of out of work FBI agents. And if Hamas posts there then a good number of Mossad agents will be doing time. So listen up agent provacateurs. Be very scared of Face- book. Imagine if Operation Gladio could have been busted on Facebook. The IRA and MI6(I am being redundant I suppose.) would would have goen down in flames. A lot of hate speech codes would have never been implemented in Europe.

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