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Reports

A Sex—and Race—Change for Hillary

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Posted on Jan 6, 2008

By Andy Borowitz

In what some party insiders are calling a Hail Mary bid to win Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton today attempted to repackage herself as a black man.

In the wake of her disappointing third-place finish in the Iowa caucuses, there was consensus among Clinton’s campaign aides that her presidential bid needed to be rebooted, but few party professionals expected her to change her race and sex with only five days to go until New Hampshire.

According to Clinton strategist Mark Penn, however, Clinton’s decision to become an African-American man was thoroughly consistent with her history as a “change agent.”

“Hillary is all about change, and changing her race and sex is just the most recent example of that,” he said.

Speaking at a rally in Manchester, N.H., Clinton thanked her supporters for “keeping it real” and promoted her just-released autobiography, “The Bodacicty of Hope.”

“This election is about whether or not America is ready to elect a black man president of the United States,” she said. “I believe I am that black man.”

Meanwhile, former President Bill Clinton was dismissive of rival John Edwards’ comparison of himself to Seabiscuit, remarking that “in addition to being a black man, Hillary has for many years been a world-class horse.”

Bill Clinton made his comments in an interview on PBS’ “Charlie Rose Show,” in which the former president, looking bleary-eyed and unshaven, touted Clinton’s victory in last year’s Belmont Stakes.

Elsewhere, embattled GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney unveiled a new campaign slogan, “What the Huck?!”

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2008 Creators Syndicate

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By JoeJ, January 10 at 11:35 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Regardless of where one stands on the Obama/Clinton divide, it seems unarguable to me that Borowitz’s sense of humor is agonizingly labored. This guy just isn’t funny!

Report this

By Douglas Chalmers, January 9 at 12:25 pm #

“One curse, one cure, one week to find it”

By cyrena, January 9: “Do you want Obama to wear a dress? Would you like him better if he did.... I’m still willing to take the risk..on turning my back on a woman...”

BO’s ring-thing logo would make a nice brooch, too, cyrena. But then, “ring” has another connotation regarding the future....... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0178868/

From “Ring”: A reporter and her ex-husband investigate the urban legend of a videotape whose viewers receive a mysterious phone call and then seven days later.....!?!? Everything is slightly askew in Ring and that’s one reason why it works.... It is never clearly explained where the videotape came from or why Reiko’s actions don’t remedy the situation.....  The filmmakers take pains to reveal just enough to get your imagination going, and they refuse to simply hand everything over on a silver platter. http://www.lovehkfilm.com/panasia/ring.htm

Well, there you are, cyrena. Turn you back on Hillary and she wins NH! Tears? An emotional farewell to Iowa? She is learning and growing and it is good to see.

Not like an old crock like you who wants a “walking cane” now, uhh. But I know what those witches really used to do when ‘riding their broomstsick’, ha ha!

For BO, though, there’s Ring 1 and Ring 2......

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By cyrena, January 9 at 11:10 am #

Now, imagine if Condi Rice was in the race......

The power of nightmares Douglas. The power of nightmars.

That’s what you’re suggesting we discover with such a request for this type of ‘imagination’.

We wouldn’t like it, and I haven’t seen Michelle Obama, except on the stage with Barak and the kids, in Iowa. So, how is SHE winning the race for HIM?

What’s the deal with you anyway? Do you want Obama to wear a dress? Would you like him better if he did?

Nevermind, don’t answer that. Are you working on my walking cane yet?

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By cyrena, January 9 at 11:06 am #

I love it!! smile

But, I’m still willing to take the risk..on turning my back on a woman. (or, at least this one).

Report this

By Louise, January 8 at 6:58 am #

Realizing nobody was going to buy the sex-color switch, Hillary fell back on the only tactic left to her.

That time honored, “I am women, watch me cry.”

Meanwhile Bill and George were seen in the back room of Joes Bar and Grill placing bets. Him for her and him for him. “It’s all in fun,” Bill chuckled. “But all the same, don’t tell anybody.”

Elsewhere, a new al-Qaeda video has emerged with a new twist. A women is waving a VOTE banner and warning there will be severe consequences if America turns her back on a woman!

Report this

By Douglas Chalmers, January 7 at 6:30 pm #

“What the Huck?!”, ha ha......

“Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton today attempted to repackage herself as a black man...”

No she didn’t - a “black woman” is more than enough. Michelle is winning for Obama so far. In the real election, things will be different, uhh. Anyway, Hillary wears the pants already - Obama just wears a daggy ol’ suit.

Now, imagine if Condi Rice was in the race......

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By rage, January 7 at 11:48 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

LOL! She’s desperately scrambly about right now.

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By cyrena, January 7 at 8:27 am #

Ah Andy, what a delight!!

Now THIS is ‘keeping it real’!!

Meantime, this is worth at least half-day’s worth of giggles.

Report this

By jatihoon, January 7 at 8:19 am #

She is playing by the book. “ I have to win this nomination, by, Hook or Crook.”

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