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Reports

The Race for Name-Caller in Chief

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Posted on Dec 22, 2007

By Andy Borowitz

The increasingly contentious race for the Democratic presidential nomination got a little bit nastier today as Sen. Hillary Clinton charged that her chief rival, Sen. Barack Obama, wet his bed when he was a toddler.

Iowans have grown used to displays of testiness on the part of the leading Democratic contenders in recent weeks, but few were prepared for Clinton’s accusation that her surging opponent had been a bed-wetter.

Moments after her campaign released this latest bombshell, Clinton went to great lengths to show that the bed-wetting incident, while occurring when the Illinois senator was only 3 years old, was “relevant” to the current presidential campaign.

At a campaign stop in Cedar Rapids, Clinton said that the alleged bed-wetting incident “should not disqualify” Obama for the White House but should make Democrats “think long and hard” about voting for him in next month’s caucuses.

“Personally, I don’t have anything against having a bed-wetter in the Oval Office,” Clinton said. “But you can be sure that the Republican right-wing attack machine will have a field day with this kind of thing.”

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At a campaign appearance in Davenport, Obama brushed off his alleged bed-wetting as an “isolated incident,” and added an apparent jab at Clinton: “I’m not the one who’s so scared about this race that I’m peeing myself now.”

In response to Obama’s remark, Clinton later released a statement referring to herself as “rubber” and Obama as “glue.”

Elsewhere, the state of New Jersey banned capital punishment, arguing that living in New Jersey was bad enough.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2007 Creators Syndicate


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By omop, December 30, 2007 at 7:06 pm Link to this comment

The burning question that is yet to be asked of Hillary and which will either put her in La Maison Blanche or not has to do with her response to the following:

      If and when she gets back to the White House will she allow Bill the use of the room and desk which he used in ardently debating with Monica “the legal interpretation of IS as a means or an end” while otherwise engaged or will she keep that room for her private use?

      A definitive answer will go a long ways in pinpointing her administration priorities.

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By Scotty McBee, December 29, 2007 at 9:49 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Better to be pissed off than pissed on eh???

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By John C. Bonser, December 28, 2007 at 4:22 pm Link to this comment

This attack is disgusting! How can anyone who wants to be PONTUS stoop so low as to smell the bed sheets of the opponents!?

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By Thomas Billis, December 27, 2007 at 11:10 pm Link to this comment

Conservative Yankee I had forgotten the Hump Free.Thank you for reminding me I had a good laugh.

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By Conservative Yankee, December 27, 2007 at 3:52 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

122794 by Thomas Billis on 12/27 at 10:58 am

“Dear Conservative Yankee in a lame attempt at humor about bedwetting I split the name to equate Gold Water with urine.Not funny but maybe 1 point for creativity.”

Lame nothing… it was funny!!!

Remember “Elect LBJ, get Hump free?”

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By Thomas Billis, December 27, 2007 at 11:58 am Link to this comment

Dear Conservative Yankee in a lame attempt at humor about bedwetting I split the name to equate Gold Water with urine.Not funny but maybe 1 point for creativity.

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By Conservative Yankee, December 27, 2007 at 6:11 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

122637 by Thomas Billis on 12/26 at 4:23 pm

Listen Hillary was a Gold Water supporter long before she was a democrat.

Do you remember the Goldwater campaign?  Is that why you split “Gold-Water’s” name?  I am LMAO at the memory!

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By Thomas Billis, December 26, 2007 at 5:23 pm Link to this comment

Listen Hillary was a Gold Water supporter long before she was a democrat.

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Leefeller's avatar

By Leefeller, December 24, 2007 at 8:37 am Link to this comment

Importance of bed wetting is under rated, let’s just say it is much more insignificant than telling the truth.  On the other hand bed wetting could be an indicator of telling the truth. Sort of like the AAA, maybe bed wetters should announce their condition, so people can avoid them, I mean help them!

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By Louise, December 24, 2007 at 8:16 am Link to this comment

Betcha every little kid out there has had at least one bed-wetting experience. And probably some more “substantial” accidents. Learning self control, part of growing up. Speaking of which, that never stopped a presidential wannabee before ... self control I mean, or the lack there-of.

In fact it is clear by the example of the past seven years, the absence of self control is a quality to be highly valued. So I guess that puts a three year old bedwetter at the head of the pack. And while I’m on the subject of politics, how come the outcome of OUR presidential election is to be determined by a bunch of folks “caucusing” in some of the least politically significant and populated states in the entire U.S. of A.?

That simple bit of idiocy makes corny jokes like this one seem perfectly sensible. But then, since there is absolutely nothing sensible about our election process, why on earth should we expect anything sensible to come out of the final results?

Even foreign nations, who have far more important things on their minds than how important is bed-wetting anyway, put world issues and crisis on hold for eighteen months, every four years, citing Americas presidential election cycle as making it impossible to come to any meaningful decisions or getting anything done.

Which only points out how ridiculous our whole election system is!  It’s never about the people. It’s about two teams of second string, immature name callers playing against each other every two years to decide who gets to be the least valuable and the slightly less than least valuable winning team this time. And then the brain-dead people begin the between game activities of aligning themselves with one bad team or the other to kid themselves into believing they too are winners.

But hey ... why worry ... bed wetter or pants pooper, soon the whole smelly business will be over and we can settle in, trying to figure out how “this jerk” [whoever that may be] got elected!

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By Douglas Chalmers, December 24, 2007 at 5:13 am Link to this comment

#122165 by wee the people on 12/24 at 12:52 am
(Unregistered commenter): “...faux Hillary’s remarks…”

Yes, “wee the people” is another way of referring to the “dribble-down effect” of the trickle-down economic delusional state you/we are all living in. What is really going to change whether the substace has testosterone or estrogen in it? Come the revolution…....

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By wee the people, December 24, 2007 at 1:52 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

faux Hillary’s remarks were dead-on oracle in nature. Since urine conducts electricity, and Hillary possesses an electric personality, Obama will lead her all the way the Whitehouse.

aside on urine: if you’re floating in your 1/4” wetsuit in rough seas at 0-degreesC for 2 hours waiting for pickup, that wee-wee can be very comforting.

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By Larry, December 23, 2007 at 9:40 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Hillary will be the one wetting her pants when Barack becomes the nominee smile

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By rage, December 23, 2007 at 5:54 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Ain’t Hillary in Depends?

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By Margaret Currey, December 23, 2007 at 2:57 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Someone here mentioned Ron Paul, the man may be far out but some ideas are on the mark.

Sometimes the truth is funnier than you can immagine, we did not see a cross we saw a bookcase, since when do bookcases pass for a cross.

Back to the bedwetter, I wonder if this guy picks on others as much as he does Obama and Ms. Clinton, I say to be fair to the other candiates pick on a person with a name that sounds like Huckaberry Finn, I mean Huckabee sounds like a backwater hick and then the name Mitt what does that mean, does it mean that his father wanted a baseball player?

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By Margaret Currey, December 23, 2007 at 2:51 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

#122075, now I get it, at first I thought this was like Obama wanting to be president when he was in kindgertin, seems like I have a sense of humor like a Dick “shotgun” Chaney, but I have to remember that a polital thing like truthdig has a sthick like some comadians the person like Don Rinkles, and then being a transplated yankee sometimes I don’t know which the way the wind is blowing unless the weather man/woman tells me so.

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By jatihoon, December 23, 2007 at 1:03 pm Link to this comment

Read between the lines,Ms. Clinton said, since age three, Obama is getting bad- wetting advice, i,e how to win “President eiection.”

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By Conservative Yankee, December 23, 2007 at 12:13 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

The “joke” isn’t near as funny as the truth.

Clinton pointed to a school paper that Obama did in the third grade. In the paper, Obama suggested he would like to be president when he grew up.

This point was made to counter Obama saying Hill-the-business-shill has been preparing to run for president since she left college.

Were I the “media” I wouldn’t print, publish or put on TV any petty bickering UNLESS it had Nationally important bearing on the campaign. I would report the “cat fights” in the court section, next to the story of the crook who got caught in the Chimney while attempting to steal xmas presents!

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By SamSnedegar, December 23, 2007 at 11:33 am Link to this comment

Sounds like Obama has an inside track; there would be nothing better to prepare you for WaSHITon DeCeit than sleeping in a bed that stinks of urine and even fecal matter. The White House today must stink to high heaven from all that the current occupant has pissed away in every direction save for the soldiers and the poor.

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By GW=MCHammered, December 23, 2007 at 11:06 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Andy’s Bed-Wetting campaign sums up well the current state of American politics. Would it be that just a diaper-bandaid would end this Constitutional pissing away. No run of the mill two-party candidate will change a frigging thing and we know it. We need a Ron Paul-Dennis Kucinich Revolution to diaper this mess.

Speaking of Depends® and bed wetting, just Gdubya really think that after his presidency he’ll walk about the American public with ease? Mo-Fo-Shiii! People, let us set the example for future Americans:

EXILE BU$H/CHENEY/ROVE/RUMSFELD in ‘08!

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By Douglas Chalmers, December 23, 2007 at 9:23 am Link to this comment

Oops, uhh…. wrong topic thread! Dunno how….. sorry@#$%#&

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By Douglas Chalmers, December 23, 2007 at 8:51 am Link to this comment

#122031 by Dr. Knowitall, PhD, PhD on 12/23: “One of the big dangers believing in something beyond us… might take the onus from less responsible people to make the best of things here and maybe even make the world better…. I’m not sure I even believe that…”

People in the East fell into the same trap with their eventual misunderstandings of karma. Bad karma was an explanation for everything and an excuse for doing nothing and “gaining merit” became a selfish pre-occupation.

That is why the path of service to others is seen as the most important. We are all here to help each other, if we but will. Whether we like it or not, we are indeed “our brothers’ keeper”. Perhaps we just need to remind ourselves…..

But, there is nothing outside of Creation to believe in, though. That’s where Lilla gets distracted in quoting the 17th-century Thomas Hobbes. Do read these two pages for a better view of this topic http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/16/books/review/Goldstein-t.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

That is where Western thought always falls down. There is this illusion of, or belief in, some duality. There is no such thing as “God AND the devil”. By accepting such nonsense, one disempowers oneself by becoming merely a third party.

Science has embraced “creationism” by accepting the big bang theory. In other words, there was an “original Cause”. Whether the religions of the world accept that yet is still something we could wait a long time for.

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By Leefeller, December 23, 2007 at 7:47 am Link to this comment

Degree of bedwetting provides insight on peoples perspective of how they will react to real problems.  For instance, if Obama wet his bed until he was 21, I would say he was a slow learner, on the other hand if he quit wetting his bed when he was three, I would say he was a medium learner.  Now, if he quit his bed wetting when he was one day old, I would say we need him as president.

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By echeola, December 23, 2007 at 7:43 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Again, if truth dig is going to do humor they need to label it better. A 9 point header doesn’t cut it.

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By Douglas Chalmers, December 23, 2007 at 6:32 am Link to this comment

Don’t forget the multimedia “holiday message”, ha ha http://www.truthdig.com/holiday/message/

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By Margaret, December 23, 2007 at 5:44 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

This thing about bed wetting is a joke, where does this man find his material, perhaps he was a bed wetter as a child, and maybe still is.

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By i,Q, December 23, 2007 at 2:26 am Link to this comment

i’m sorry, could someone please define irony for me?

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By Margaret Currey, December 23, 2007 at 12:39 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

I am sorry what does bed wetting have to do with being a president.

Boys do tend to be bed wetters but of course they outgrow it. 

Maybe Ms. Clinton is grasping at straws.

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