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Doesn’t Anybody Have WMD?

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Posted on Dec 14, 2007

By Will Durst

For those of you lying back in your recliner with your feet up, thinking that all the weirdness of ‘07 had already unspooled and you had a couple of weeks to relax and let your blood pressure fall from tropospheric levels, I have news that will compel you to crank your footrest down to its upright perpendicular position, poised to jump from your chair and ram your head full speed into the opposite wall. Repeatedly.

Remember Iran’s nuclear weapons program? Apparently, it doesn’t exist. You know. The nuclear weapons program the president said the CIA told him that Iran not only had but was going to use to destabilize the Middle East. Yeah. That one. Turns out they don’t have it. Turns out the CIA was wrong. Again. Who knew? But the funny part is, here’s the funny part: because even when we did know that they didn’t have a nuclear weapons program, we still kept talking about it. As if they did. We even talked about the irresponsible people running Iran and how they were in danger of precipitating WORLD WAR III by continuing their dastardly pursuit of a nuclear weapons program, which we knew, at the time, that they were not pursuing. Well, not so much we, as he. And you know he who.

Our new National Intelligence Estimate reports Iran halted its clandestine nuclear weapons program back in 2003. But our intelligence community (and I use the term so loosely you should take precautions it doesn’t slip through your fingers like pureed oysters left in the rain) waited to tell the president that Iran’s nuclear weapons program was halted even though they had evidence that it was, because they did not want to make the same mistake they made when they told him that Saddam Hussein might have weapons of mass destruction about five years ago. Which he didn’t. Which they also had evidence of, but the president didn’t want to hear that and instead talked about Iraq’s WMDs till the cows came home and were industrially milked and produced cheese curds of shock and awe. So instead of making the same mistake, they went out of their way to make an entirely different mistake.

They finally got around to telling the president about it in August. The whole Iran not having the nuclear weapons program part. And then when our president called Iran’s president a liar for insisting his country did not have a nuclear weapons program, which our president continued to insist they did, even though he knew they did not, they said nothing. You still with me here? Although, having been played as complete patsies in the Iraqi weapons debacle, may have something to do with why we are finding out about all this now, complete with maps and dates and a big red “YOU ARE HERE” dot right where the double yellow presidency and incompetence lines converge. 

Now the president is walking around telling everyone he was provided with faulty intelligence. Yeah, well, DNA is a bitch. The upshot of all this: Iraq—no weapons of mass destruction. Iran—no nuclear weapons program. Throw in the fact that since our Mideast misadventure began, we’ve misplaced 190,000 of our own rifles and weapons somewhere, who knows where, in Iraq, and I’m thinking maybe we should outsource our weapons location intelligence gathering because it doesn’t seem to be what you’d call our specialty. 

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Will Durst is a comic, writer, actor and talk show host.

© 2007 Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. E-mail him at durst@caglecartoons.com. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast.


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Comments

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By David Earl, December 20, 2007 at 11:00 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Bu$h is playing Wak-a-mole around the world. Wak, Wak, Wak, Wak, Wak

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By Cosmicbrat, December 20, 2007 at 5:52 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Look at the bigger picture, to see that the nuclear weapons build-up is essentially humanity about to run its last option, (it’s lemming suicide-process), before opting for absolute self-extinction to shake Law off its back, from its regulating from crushing most of living Life’s qualitative properties…
Proof!:  Drive, keeping all the laws…  Notice the sense of boxed-in feeling…
Now drive, breaking laws.. Not full stops at stop signs.. speeding up at yellow lights to zoom through red lights..  not signaling turns..  going a little of the speed limits…  Notice the sense of momentarily having fought our way partially out of the box…
The rules box you in…  Freedom legaleses you from government tyranny, terror, and torture…  But break a law, and get caught.. and you will feel, up close and personal, how fast and hard government can seal you up back in the box…  Government doesn’t like free thinkers and individuals, unless they have them contained within the parameters of a box…

Look closer to determine that War is essentially Money seizing a little more of Life’s reigns, in its base program.. being to spend all life ASAP…
Money is spending us as fast and hard as we allow…
If we don’t implement something good, to power and run Mankind, and to extinct money, Money will continue on extincting us till the last human can be viewed cracking the marrow out of the bones of the second last, near the year 145,730…  At which time there won’t be anyone to spend any money…  there will be all the treasure just for the taking, but nobody to own it…  just billions of wind-polished sun-bleached bones, sinking in layers of muddy-dust…
The problem with waiting till the last minute, is not the time to commence repairs when it is too late to do anything about anything…  We would be like the silly space explorer fellows, who took off to Mars, a couple million-miles out discover that someone forgot to pack the spare water and the large oxygen tanks…

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By David Earl, December 20, 2007 at 2:45 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

What happen to the Gov. Phones were we have to jump up and press the #1 TO SPEAK ENGLISH, if we do not push #1 we will hear all in Spanish. Why can they not push #1 for Spanish. Americans take the back seat again and there are more English speakers in America than Spanish. Who thought of this to waist American physical energy.  Why can’t they push one.

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By Cosmicbrat, December 20, 2007 at 1:01 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Every nation has explosives, which could blow up people… but America is the one who has the Weapons of Mass Destruction…  America is running the search and blame away from themselves, to smoke screen the truth.. while America fabricates and proliferates and creates, its reasons and opportunities to test its latest evolutions of WMD’s on people… 

America is the “terrorist” crying “terrorist”, pointing fingers at everything not itself.. not unlike how religion preaches hell, while pretending to be connected to a heaven, while creating hell on earth, while pretending it’s “heaven”...

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By David Earl, December 19, 2007 at 3:55 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Well I see things like this,

This was a War to benifit the Companies Close to the White house
The Constitution of the United States says, WE as Americans are of the United States shall be defended against invasions and no other shall be state given pillage over another state. And that the President will defend against invaders of our land with the Army, Navy and all of our forces. He took an Oath of office to do this, He swore to defend our country and our people from harm, against all that is not of the United States of America.
We dieing from murders and suffer loses of life and limb and fiances from these invaders from our South that are in no way legally to be in our country. Our own Government is using our TAX Dollars to Support and Enable these invaders. Has invited them in a White House Party in his first term Without Approval or Vote from Congress to make Treaty with and Support them with our jobs and our Tax Dollars.
I ask for the Congress to forthwith Start An IMPEACHMENT against George W. Bush to be executed immediately.
He should be tried for high crimes and misdemeanor’s in that he has used our Tax dollars without the American consent in a devious means to threaten the Well being of it Citizens and the safety of the citizens Of The United States with lose of lives of our citizens and using our valuable resource’s and putting our Citizens in harms way of Criminals, Killers.Thieves, Thug’s, Robbers, Rapists, Child Molester’s, and untold scam artiste, unlicensed workers and un screened disease’s.
Depriving Americans of the safety and Well Being and jobs that our Constitution With his swearing in Granted each American from the Start of this Great Country.
I call on Congress and all its members to go forth and save our country from being hijacked before we are penniless, homeless and secure our Homeland before WE the People Loose our way of life or our very lives from these invader’s.
12/0707
David Brian Earl
755 Espanola Ave. # 44
Ormond Bch. Florida 32174
P>S> I will pass this all over the Internet will not let my wife move here because I am disabled and poor do not meat $ amount.  So when you become disabled after 37 years of work you lose your right to have your wife here beside you over the fact I do not make enough money, but allow illegals and give them reason to stay.
Please copy the above and send to your Congressman
He swore to protect America from all invaders, The Constitution does not say Friend or foe but invaders and this is what we have from the South (Every Country south of Texas). Many from there come to our country and drive drunk, injuring, maiming and killing U.S. Citizens by Crime and by Drunk driving wrong way on our highways, It is a Culture of Macho in their countries to drink and drive. They many times have no form of I.D. 18% of drunk drivers in N.C alone. Add in all the other States. The toll is staggering.
The border States are over run with crimes from these foreigner’s.
When many of these intruders and invaders are caught after a crime, Tax dollars are spent to house trial and convict than house these people in Jails and prisons at American expense when they should have been stopped at the border and turned back before their crimes could be commit ed saving life and liberty and well being of our Citizens. It cost over $50,000 a year to house one invader who has committed criminal act in this country, and many commit many crimes before they are caught. There are currently 3.4 Million people in our prisons and jails. Higher than any country on earth.
Laws are not being enforce to gather these people that defraud our Country working or not. There are an estimated 40 million in this Country illegally and drawing on our Tax dollars of a staggering 40 Billion dollars per year through aid of free and unpaid heath care and food stamps and even AFDC.

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By rowdy, December 18, 2007 at 1:17 am #

Now the president is walking around telling everyone he was provided with faulty intelligence. Yeah, well, DNA is a bitch.

durst forgot to mention neil and jeb.

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By Shenonymous, December 17, 2007 at 3:17 am #

GW - Except in a way, water is already privatized with all the bottled water being bought!  I agree about the FCC thing.  I’ve been watching the public hearings.  Common folks ought to sue the hell out of them.  Keep them tied up in the courts for years.  Yes, the Bushites lie, etc.  They always did and had all their accomplices all the way to the Supreme Court.  That is why it is imperative the Republicans do not win the next election.  A change on the Supreme Court will be our only salvation.  I still disagree with you on the Alex Jones oddball.  Follow his proof and you will find it also deceptive and misrepresents.  His videos are overly melodramatic.  An inauspicious sign .  Show biz stars and the high powered don’t mean truth.  Charlie Sheen is hardly of the intelligentsia.  He is an extremist no doubt about it, with the Koresh thing and all.  Can’t be beguiled by demagoguery of any kind.  Either on the Repub side or ours!

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By Shenonymous, December 17, 2007 at 1:24 am #

Cyrena,
Il mio rifugio è il vostro rifugio (My shelter is your shelter)!  No deposit needed.

Now this (bomb shelter, or tornado/storm cellar as I am wont to call it) is made of solid concrete, and it looks like a midget Quonset hut but I bet it could be decorated really neatly into a great wine cellar.  I could hang out there indefinitely.  Do we have need of an abolitionist underground railroad? Uh, y’all can jes use m’house.  It’s bigger.

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By cyrena, December 17, 2007 at 1:07 am #

#120594 by Shenonymous
Sheynonymous,
Thank you so much for this historical perspective. (I may be even more appreciative of others, just so you know). It adds some extra grit to something else I’m putting together.

Meantime, I’m somehow really relieved to hear about this. (your shelter).
•  And yes, I actually do have a bomb shelter on my property, in the middle of North Texas where not in 10,000 years would a bomb be dropped for who in hell would care who lived here?  Only hayseeds here like the poor bird in your siren.
Maybe nobody would ever consider dropping a bomb there, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t come in extremely handy for other things. I was thinking something on the order of the old abolitionist movement, if things keep going like they are. I mean, it’s a thought, and not an idle one, that I might need an escape route. (which is why I initially felt a bit better moving back to a coast). Still, you know it’s always best to have options.
So, can you just sort of keep it available for me? I can put down a deposit or whatever. It would have to be camouflaged though. So, give it some thought, and see what you think. Let me know.

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By GW=MCHammered, December 17, 2007 at 12:56 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

re: #120594 by Shenonymous

Except BushCo repeatedly lies, acts on those lies, spins bad results then lies again for more bad actions all with impunity. Alex Jones makes wild claims but follows with overlapping proof in interviews, photos, videos then lines up power broker names to events like ducks in a row.

American sovereignty continues to meld with Canada and Mexico (behind our backs) and soon, watch BushCo or his campaigning heir campaign to privatize all our water. On Tuesday, keep an eye on the FCC as it pushes for further consolidation of the media despite public outcry and Congressional questions gone unanswered.

Looks more to me like The War on Terror shouldn’t be fought in Iraq. It should be fought on Capitol Hill.

“The answer to 1984 is 1776!”
Alex Jones

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By Shenonymous, December 16, 2007 at 4:54 pm #

Google video, Alex Jones TerrorStorm was made over a year ago, June 23, 2006 is the google date. Jones a zealous self-styled journalist with an Austin Talk Radio show, fired from KJFK-FM because of his fanatical viewpoints, refer to wikipedia biography.  Jones strikes me as a fringe character with a very big ax to grind.  I am not neither sympathetic nor unsympathetic with his diatribes taking a very skeptical view of all his claims.  Just as I am skeptic of all of GWB and Cheney’s claims.  One has to be careful of

Dr. Knowitall, a little hyperbolic I’d say (Shenonymous, the number I have seen is 333,666,363,633,663,030,606,336 people slaughtered by Islamist Terrorists.  Oops, there goes another one.).  Can’t we be serious, a little, I know, I’m usually the one with levity, but there is so much lying going on that I thought for once maybe, just maybe some semblance of the truth (I know, what’s that?) something authentic, whatever, would give us some sense of the magnitude of our bearings.  Yes of course it is the classic struggle between good and evil.  Our leaders are just as evil as the other.  I don’t care for an exact number, I’d also like to know how many we have killed, just to put things into a quantitative perspective since it is numbers that often speak quantum amounts.  Although I am not a religious person in the least, I have in my past studied biblical accounts, and in the Abrahamic tradition the shepherd class defeated the Philistines.  A similar story can be found in the Greek legend of Nestor and Ereuthalion, which only goes to show how cross cultural legends are and how cultural adoption takes place.  It is not important that either story is true; it is the dynamic of the disenfranchised overcoming the tyrants.  The story of colonial America is one of those stories.  The French Revolution is another as is the Italian wars for independence and the Greeks had their internecine wars as well.  England suffered such wars and almost every dominated people in history have too.  Asia has their war histories.  So the point is information is valuable to the ignorant.

And yes, I actually do have a bomb shelter on my property, in the middle of North Texas where not in 10,000 years would a bomb be dropped for who in hell would care who lived here?  Only hayseeds here like the poor bird in your siren.

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By Dr. Knowitall, PhD, PhD, December 16, 2007 at 1:41 pm #

Shenonymous, the number I have seen is 333,666,363,633,663,030,606,336 people slaughtered by Islamist Terrorists.  Oops, there goes another one.

One good thing is that, at least, when the religious extremists in the US commit “murderous deeds,” it’s in the name of the Lord and therefore, a goddamned good thing.  BTW, I don’t think counting numbers of people murdered by the US is important, since we own the moral imperative and are good and they are evil.  It’s the classic struggle between good and evil.  Who would ever think that people in third world countries who cover themselves with hair and cloth and live in huts or caves could ever be up to anything good.  They’re way too strange.

I rely on Bush and congress to keep me protected and I think they’re doing a wonderful job.  I just wish they’d get the Mexicans.

BTW, did you or your family have a bomb shelter?  We didn’t.  I’m lucky I’m here.  My parents would have felt real bad if the atheist Russians had bombed our back yard back in the 50’s.  Those people were really evil.  What we did have, almost right in our back yard was an air-raid siren.  They’d do practice runs every once in a while.  Then one day a bird got stuck in it—or a nest or something—and it sounded really bad and foreboding.  If I were going to manufacture air-raid sirens, I’d make them sound just like that one, ‘cause you sure as hell would run the other way when it went off.  But I digress.

The important thing to remember, I think is, Islamist Terrorists, that number above; American Terrorists, doesn’t matter.

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By GW=MCHammered, December 16, 2007 at 1:39 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

The President of the United States of America makes so-called conspiracy theorists like Alex Jones and his TERRORSTORM: A HISTORY OF GOVERNMENT SPONSORED TERRORISM and ENDGAME: BLUEPRINT FOR GLOBAL ENSLAVEMENT look like hallowed prophesy. Why would HE DO that?

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5948263607579389947
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1070329053600562261

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By Shenonymous, December 16, 2007 at 12:18 pm #

Maybe I can find it out here?  Recently I was having a conversation with a friend and the question was asked, just how many people have been killed by the Islamist terrorists?  I began an Internet search and found that no one, not anyone, even estimates this number, even when searching all the various daily “normal” newspapers.  It strikes me as very odd that we are waging a horrid world war and spending trillions of dollars to find these terrorists you would think somebody has even an estimate of their murderous deeds?

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By Deborah, December 16, 2007 at 6:43 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

quick…..go find me another country we can start a rumour about ....can’t have us looking like we’re a danger to the rest of the world now…

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By QuyTran, December 16, 2007 at 12:15 am #

Yes “I DO”, it’s under my toilet seat !

But how’s about almost 500 U.S. nuclear missiles installed in Europe and huge Israel’s nuclear stocpiles ?

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By gus, December 15, 2007 at 8:39 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Answer to your question is YES - Israel and her puppet state the USA

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By DennisD, December 15, 2007 at 6:13 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Our government is controlled by entities that believe the end justifies the means, period. Dims or Repugs, it doesn’t matter - just a different name on the check.

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By Don Stivers, December 15, 2007 at 3:28 pm #

Right on Thomas Billis!

Why is our Democratic Congress so powerless and spineless?

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By ElkoJohn, December 15, 2007 at 2:12 pm #

It’s all about the oil folks, by hook or by crook. Until the hydrogen fuel cell types become BIGGER money than the big-money oil types, we are doomed to the oil wars. Hence, Iran is in the cross-hairs, not North Korea.

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By jackpine savage, December 15, 2007 at 12:21 pm #

Well said, Mr. Billis.  This is not the first time the nation has launched itself down a course of action like this.  At the time that Americans were hearing about a missile gap between us and the Soviets, the facts were that the USSR had only four ICBM’s that were kept in the open and too far from the launch pad to be effective.

To support the garrison state that we have become requires periodic injections of fear.  And since the public is never allowed to see the intelligence, we are always left with interpretations.

In this case, i believe that the CIA has turned on the administration…since they got the blame for Iraqi WMD’s dumped in their lap.  Then again, we might ask ourselves how many time the CIA has gotten it right.  They didn’t see the collapse of the USSR coming…or didn’t want to.  And they are notorious for not extrapolating the long-term from their own actions.

But the fundamental problem is that we are a National Security state.  Two books should be required reading for us all: “House of War” by James Carroll and “The New American Militarism” by Andrew Bacevich.

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By Thomas Billis, December 15, 2007 at 10:20 am #

It is not the intelligence.It is the motive of the people who get it.To get a shot at Iraqi oil we were using Chalabi a convicted bank embezzler and someone named curveball who every agent of every intelligence service found unreliable.Up against this we had the Foreign Minister of Iraq who said Saddam had nothing.We wanted to control middle east oil so we went for curveball and Chalabi.You know why this assessment of Iranian capabilities become public because the really patriotic Americans in our intelligence services decided not to roll over and play dead for this administration.Oh yeah who was right on Iraq having a deal to purchase yellowcake from Niger the man the CIA sent or Pres Bush.I hope I live long enough so when the memoirs come out about how they screwed the intelligence to make a case for war I can type into Truth Dig with my arthritic gnarled fingers “I told you so”.

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By Jaded Prole, December 15, 2007 at 9:28 am #

The country with the most active nuclear weapons program, the largest stockpile, and the most aggressive behavior is the US. Israel is second on the list followed by Pakistan and India.

The cabal that has swindled it’s way to power in the US presents a clear and present danger to world peace and should be promptly removed and arrested. Short of that, rigorous sanctions should be placed against the US to pressure it to stop it’s WMD programs, withdraw it’s military and institute regime change.

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By Douglas Chalmers, December 15, 2007 at 7:01 am #

Quote: “The list of folks who turn out not to have the ability to destroy the world is growing at a dangerous rate…...”

This is true, and it is also a concern to the uranium industry. Not having enough nuclear weapons states to flog their filthy stuff to is worrying for them.

If they can’t get everybody building nuclear reactors for energy, then they will have to find a way of letting more states have nuclear weapons…..

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By SamSnedegar, December 15, 2007 at 5:56 am #

Do you think Chavez is trying to make a nuke? And do you think that the nuke weapons program funded in perpetuity by Saddam isn’t going on in Argentina or Nicaragua or Malaysia? Gracious, you just don’t know how devious people can be, do you?

Why goodness me, there are probably hundreds or thousands of people STILL following Saddam’s orders and being paid from secret accounts he set up with OUR money.

People are no damned good.

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By cyrena, December 15, 2007 at 1:21 am #

Puplewolf,

I LOVE IT!!!

More when I return from Sushiyama…

(Caviar from Iran - it was a fair trade) smile

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By PatrickHenry, December 15, 2007 at 1:13 am #

Nuclear weapons are proof of overtaxation.

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By purplewolf, December 14, 2007 at 10:27 pm #

And today on the apnews Bush is back in full bully mode. Boasting he wrote a letter “that he got” N. Korea’s attention by writing a letter(?)you mean George Bush knows how to write, that they better give him full disclosure of their nuclear programs and proliferation activities. Gee I am sure they are afraid of the big bad cocaine cowboy. You can read at the following:

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20071214/D8THB5280.html.

Bush knew full well that the information that he used to justify his invasion of Iraq was 12 years out of date. In other words he used information that was current during his fathers term as president.It seems he never uses actual “REALTIME” information to base his decisions (as I am the Decider)upon. So it comes as no surprise that the information about Iran halting its nuclear activities in 2003 would be acknowledged by him.

When George has his medical checkups do they ever ask him what year it is, the current date, don’t ask him who is the president, he would probably say Cheney or that he is the Dicataor of America and the world, to check on his mental awareness. If the doctors haven’t they need to start right away. He is obviously out of touch with reality and a danger to society. The whole world already knows he is a danger to them, we don’t care if he is a danger to himself.

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