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Reports

Oh My God, What a Ticket!

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Posted on Dec 9, 2007

By Andy Borowitz

In a bold move that could dramatically alter the playing field of the 2008 GOP presidential race, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee today named Jesus Christ as his vice presidential running mate.

Huckabee has made an increasing number of comments about his relationship with Jesus in recent debates, but few Republican insiders expected him to announce that he was anointing Christ as his vice presidential pick.

“This could be huge for Huckabee,” said Stenson Partridge, a veteran GOP consultant. “Among Republican voters, Jesus Christ is even more popular than Ronald Reagan.”

The Rev. Pat Robertson, a supporter of former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, said he was “blindsided” by the news of Huckabee’s decision: “I talked to Jesus last night, and he didn’t mention anything about it.”

At a raucous Huckabee rally in Davenport, Iowa, today, supporters of the former Arkansas governor could be seen holding signs reading “HUCKABEE/CHRIST ‘08."†

It is “highly unorthodox” for a presidential candidate to select a vice presidential running mate who is a prominent figure in the Holy Bible, says Davis Logsdon, dean of the School of Divinity at the University of Minnesota.

But according to Logsdon, if the Huckabee-Christ ticket makes it all the way to the White House, it could be historic in more ways than one: “If Huckabee is elected and then something happens to him while in office, we would be looking at our first Jewish president.”

Elsewhere, a madman attempted to take hostages at former Sen. Fred Thompson’s campaign headquarters in Rochester, N.H., but found that everyone had been given the week off.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2007 Creators Syndicate

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By cann4ing, December 14, 2007 at 9:31 am #

d.alon:  Corporate media is there for your amusement.  It’s called infotainment.  If it’s knowledge you desire, link to http://www.democracynow.org and watch their one hour broadcast, five days per week.  Democracy Now is one of the last repositories of real journalism available on electronic media.  Just about everything else is propaganda.

Report this

By Shenonymous, December 14, 2007 at 5:27 am #

1.
d. alon, I used to feel and think as you.  We feel your frustration.  However, I’ve come to understand that in this very complex life, the world is really so huge that it is nearly unfathomable in the normal course of life.  As one grows older and has experiences and becomes educated, we learn just how immeasurable and eternal it is.  I liken what is happening on these forums to a medusa jellyfish, which is really a collection of many, many individual members that work together to have a life.  I have come to appreciate all the bits and orts of information that surface in these forums from such various minds and appreciate how it expands my own.  If I do a little more work than another blogger, at times, there are many more others who are doing more than I.  I recently shared something I do with another forum contributor who replied that he does the same thing!  It is a game I play occasionally that points out just how vast existence is.  I do this to center myself in reality.  In one form of the game I may be out to dinner having a hamburger.  As I am eating I start thinking about how it is that that delicious sandwich got to my plate.  Once the game begins that tells me how it did come about, I soon realize it is unending.  Start with the bun: the baker, the flour, the yeast, the companies that makes the flour and yeast, all the other ingredients that went into making just that bun.  Even the oven that baked the bun, the water, the salt, the manufacturer, the mining that provided the metal to the manufacturer, and so on and so on, it is a cascade, and this doesn’t even get to the hamburger, lettuce, tomato, and thousand Island dressing that in itself would be staggering.  And then there are the french fries!  But that isn’t even all that‘s involved, it is the plate on which it came, the fork, knife, spoon, the designer of the fork, knife, spoon, the restaurant itself, and another set of staggering events and things just to get me that hamburger. And shall we include the coffee?  With or without crème, sugar?  It is truly mind-boggling.  Yes, it is just a game, but a game that reflects the phenomenon of this journey we call life.  We are unconscious of most of it.  How we come to experience the world and have a quality life is without any doubt the most important acquaintance a sentient being can have.  On reflection, it is all we have on which to base our values.  I welcome all the information that comes this way, and Yes, you are right and I wholeheartedly receive your comments as it causes me to think.  And to think is the highest activity a human can do.

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By Shenonymous, December 14, 2007 at 5:24 am #

2.
There is much we are not told, actually boundless amounts.  Others are doing lifting too to bring us this information.  Yes the media should be doing a better job, but the fact is, they aren’t.  You are right, most of us don’t have the time to find out how a hamburger gets to a plate or what the political climate is really like.  On occasion, I re-read all of the posts of an article just to get an overarching view of what is going on, how can I mine more out of what has been said so that I might be better informed and able to conduct a quality life for myself and others that I care about?  There many of us that are at great variance in our opinions and yet brave to express them.  Even those opinions that are diametrically opposed to my own give me valuable information on how possibly to look at something more broadly.  I’ve even been known to be convinced by another to a different opinion!  And besides, there are great humorists on these forums.

I once learned that the image of a diamond that has many, many facets facing in different directions can represent a fascinating and brilliant existence.  Perhaps you are right in your description of the corporate world, and others will do some lifting and flesh out the more true nature of that domain.  Yes we are to blame for foolishly reaching for the shiny penny, it’s just that we are built that way.  So what shall we do about it?  We expect you to do some lifting too.

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By d.alon, December 13, 2007 at 8:14 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Why is it that Shenonymous has to do this heavy lifting for us?  Isn’t there a national media that is supposed to be covering this so that we can be informed citizens? 

Shenonymous, thank you for the facts.  There are, though, many things we are not being told about our buffet of candidates. Most people don’t have the time to research in-depth years-old newspaper articles to dig up the facts on a politician.

I avidly read daily as many different sources as I can get my hands on, but at this point I, unfortunately for me, know more about Britney Spears’ vagina than I do about the policy records of (many of) our candidates (for the record, I don’t care about the Spears vagina). 

The only thing that these corporate media outlets understand is money - which is ratings-based - so stop watching them and support people who are bringing us the facts.  The for-profit media can’t be blamed in so much as they are nothing more than cogs in the corporate structure.  But it is the people that are to blame for being fooled into believing “all that glitters is gold”.

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By Conservative Yankee, December 13, 2007 at 2:19 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

119921 by Shenonymous on 12/13 at 4:10 am

“It is important this time that we elect a moral man, a man of egalitarian principles, a man of all the people and not one whose proven views are narrow and self-serving.”

Well that pretty much disqualifies all the current candidates!

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By Louise, December 13, 2007 at 11:01 am #

#119921 by Shenonymous

Excellent observations!

Thanks! smile

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By Shenonymous, December 13, 2007 at 4:10 am #

With a little more sober set of comments:  While I personally think illegal immigrants acutely affect this country, I do not think vigilante enforcement is the moral thing to do.  It is up to our government to deal with the terribly difficult situation.  That being said, the fact that Huckabee associates himself with the so-called paladins of border patrol, the Minuteman, is one reason to question his candidacy for president of the United States.  (Huron Daily Tribune, Dec. 11, Mike Glover).  That he framed the news as a “tattle” speaks to the underlying veracity, seeds of truth, in the claim by Romney.  Often, it is thought, a sharp and belittling defense is an effective offense.  But let’s start adding up the various criticisms of Huckabee, since he is running for the highest office in the land that represents over 300 million people of various ethnic, religious, economic conditions.  It is important this time that we elect a moral man, a man of egalitarian principles, a man of all the people and not one whose proven views are narrow and self-serving.

Having had his entire campaign life “crafted” to place him in a “moderate” political light (Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, July 2, 1995), Huckabee, a Baptist minister, was also on the fringe of unethical receivership of campaign funds and in 1998 was fined by the Arkansas Ethics Commission for failing to report campaign payments to him and his wife, as well as using money for the Governor’s Mansion for personal use in somewhat deceitful actions.  It is my opinion that anyone who seeks to attain the highest office in the land ought to be above all reproach.  And we have been duped before by good looks and unknown dark sides to their nature.  But that doesn’t mean we need to loose or forget our alertness or caution.  Either we posture we are a moral nation and are hypocrites or we in fact have ethical values.  His questionable role in the DuMond murderer case is worthy of being on the list of criticisms as well (see Wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Huckabee#_note-RexNelson).  The housewarming/wedding gift fiasco give a small insight into the kind of curveball disposition a politician can have (Arkansas Times, Nov. 11, 2006).  Clever is as clever does.  His criticized fiscal management of the State of Arkansas deserves circumspection.  His modus operandi is to make small advances but claim gargantuan progress and to take credit for what his predecessors start (Arkansas Times, Aug. 9, 2007).  The take-taxes-away-with-one-hand ploy but raise-taxes-with-the-other-hand is also this politicians legacy. It shows the duplicity of political machination.  But redistributing the taxes is where the cleverness comes in.  When taxes are shifted and actually increase against the claim that taxes were lowered, a closer look is warranted.  Taking a state budget surplus of $850 million but increasing the general obligation debt to nearly a billion takes some undoings goings on and also need looked at more closely.  There are many other issues that blush this candidate’s record not the least of which is the teaching of creationism in the public schools in defiance of separation of church and state.  It would be most prudent that before becoming involved in monomania over a candidate especially for the office of president, a pause ought to be taken to consider the implications of affectation.

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By outrider, December 12, 2007 at 8:29 pm #

IS THERE A CHRISTIAN IN THE HOUSE?

Wasn’t Huckabee using God’s name in vain? If so didn’t he violate one of the Ten Commandments? Isn’t Huckabee a minister? Assuming the allegation to be true, if we were in fact a Christian country, shouldn’t/wouldn’t we,at least those amongst us who are in fact Christians, be outraged?

Christians are as Christians do.  If Romney and Huckabee are in fact Christians, Christianity is in deep trouble and so is our Constitution.

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By Louise, December 12, 2007 at 3:56 pm #

What’s not commonly known, is Huckabee’s vanity keeps him from wearing his glasses. In addition, he is color blind.

So in reality, when he was visited by his running mate the robe he mistook for humble monks cloth was actually bright red. And the shine around the top of the hood was actually the ceiling lights reflecting off the horns.

But those closest to the candidate, fearing the wrath of his “running mate” haven’t yet worked up the courage to ask him to put his glasses on.

I have it on very good authority from Mitt Romney, [or was it the mailman?] Jesus Christ wouldn’t be caught dead [or any other way] associating with someone who so carelessly speaks in his name. Which is why we haven’t seen any of the prayers for God to clean up the mess we’re in, answered. 

Well actually he has answered. The answer is, “No! This time, clean up your own mess!”

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By Peter RV, December 12, 2007 at 9:13 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

This should be a definite proof of the terminal lunacy of Americans. In Europe the guy would have been tarred and feathered as demented, here,instead- he may even become the president.
What a laughing stock are we- and we want to lead the World ?

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By Shenonymous, December 12, 2007 at 5:52 am #

Jesus for president, Shuckabee for vice president.  That might work!

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By jerry gates, December 12, 2007 at 4:16 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Mike, we,re going to shake it up, brother, Thanks for thinking of me and know for sure that this is going to be a blast for both of us and surely will blast the neocons out of their rightwinged consciousness.

Poor friendly laws, Ousting the “lobby”, meek inheriting the wealth of the bankers, Honesty and tranparency. I can’t wait, Mike!

King of the Jews, think again, prince of peace!

Look out Israel , justice is coming to Gaza and will be a challenge for Israel considering the new vice president is Arab and Islam friendly and diametrically opposed to zionism.

Call me , Mike, I have a few ideas I want to toss around comcerning John the Baptist as the ambassador to Palestine. His spiritual cleansing prowess may serve them well considering his penchant for baptism with water as a vehicle for preparation of the coming of he who baptises with the Holy spirit. John is a little rough , but firm in his stance concerning Israeli theft of water rights in Palestine. Peace, from the prince, all my love , Jesus

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By jackpine savage, December 11, 2007 at 9:22 am #

co-pilot, running mate, and on speed dial.

Chelsea and Oprah better look out, the big dog endorsements are starting to come in…

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By PatrickHenry, December 10, 2007 at 6:41 pm #

He would never get through the AIPAC vetting.

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By digdug, December 10, 2007 at 6:18 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

If this were true, what makes Huckabee think Jesus would accept?

Ol’ Jesus said to toss the money-lenders out of the temple, didn’t he?  If so, he definitely won’t be getting the endorsement of the conservative hierarchy.

At one point, usury (the charging of interest) was considered highly immoral and was outlawed by Christianity, Islam and Judaism.

Oh how far the conservative movement has fallen from the path of Jesus.

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By DennisD, December 10, 2007 at 5:48 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

American politics, where truth and fiction become one and the same with the characters to match.

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By Blackspeare, December 10, 2007 at 4:01 pm #

Can’t happen----JC was a left leaning democrat!

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By cann4ing, December 10, 2007 at 3:18 pm #

Yeah, CY--First we elect JC, and then we get really get the answer to today’s most relevant question:  Who would Jesus bomb?

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By ocjim, December 10, 2007 at 2:46 pm #

Actually, Andy, Huckster has already named him as a running mate. It is appropriate because Bush’s VP thinks he is God his father.

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By Conservative Yankee, December 10, 2007 at 1:19 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

King of the Jews, the son of God, and US VP....He could do more for middle east relations than JIMMY CARTER.

Too bad though, I heard Citi Group already has him.

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By ed238yth, December 10, 2007 at 1:07 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Actually, Jesus is way too liberal for the Old testament Christians. Plus, he is a bit too ‘ethnic’ for the GOP.

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By Tom Allen, December 10, 2007 at 1:01 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Get serious!  I like Bugs Bunny for Vice President.

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By rage, December 10, 2007 at 11:54 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

“Elsewhere, a madman attempted to take hostages at former Sen. Fred Thompson’s campaign headquarters in Rochester, N.H., but found that everyone had been given the week off.”

Thompson’s campaign has a headquarters?!

Seriously! does it?

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By altopelirrojo, December 10, 2007 at 10:59 am #

I actually think that Huckabee is the one genuine person running in the GOP. I’m not sure which would be more frightening, a power-hungry fraud who just claims to be religious, or someone like Huckabee who genuinely believes theocracy is the way to go.

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By John Borowski, December 10, 2007 at 10:44 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

He has one helluva nerve putting the holy Jesus in second spot. Doesn’t he know the ocean of ignorance would be far more impressed if Jesus was placed in the first spot? (Especially when Jesus’ birthday is nigh). I doubt the Republicans(Conservative right wingers)would nominate a Do Good Liberal.(Good is bad)

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By Frances, December 10, 2007 at 10:16 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Perhaps Huckabee should choose another running mate for vice president.  Obviously God has not done a bang up job of bringing peace to the world.

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By Gilbert LaBiaga, December 10, 2007 at 8:47 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Mr. Huckabee is in another dimension Shocking as it is he is running for the highest office of the land. What if he wins and one day push the red nuclear button? He will rationalize “my god made me to do it”

Report this

By GW=MCHammered, December 10, 2007 at 8:41 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Symbolism. Convenience: G.O.P. V.P. on a stick.
Works for all kkkristians.

Jesus just called. Wants to know if any candidate can sing the words to ‘Where is the love?’

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By SamSnedegar, December 10, 2007 at 7:52 am #

It really doesn’t matter....

Hillary plans to “heal” the rift by nominating Oprah Winfrey as HER veep, and Oprah is a lot more popular than Jesus ever was.

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By jatihoon, December 10, 2007 at 7:22 am #

We are lucky, he only nominated Jesus as his v.p. imagine if he has nominated Allah his V.P. we would have been stuck with all Allahs followers, such as OSAMA and CO.

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By tomack, December 10, 2007 at 6:04 am #

If the Dem candidates are smart they will run like hell in order to recruit one of the Apostles. Or at least a well known Saint. But they must hurry, this trend may spread and before you know it the Repug candidates will have garnered all of the Bible greats.

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By QuyTran, December 10, 2007 at 4:09 am #

Mike Huckabee = New Judas of our time !

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By purplewolf, December 9, 2007 at 9:44 pm #

Do not be surprised that some of these deluded people running for the presidency will try this one. They all are becoming so desperate that the public can smell their fear.

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By Thomas Billis, December 9, 2007 at 9:44 pm #

A really funny post.The really weird thing is that if it were true he probably would not have as much power as Cheney has with this President.

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By Ranta, December 9, 2007 at 9:39 pm #

This should be on “The Onion”.

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By R.M., December 9, 2007 at 8:28 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

My daughter says she hopes they’re stupid enough to nominate him.  Then the GOP won’t have a chance.  But my skin crawls at the prospect of coming that close to theocracy in the United States.  This insanity has to stop.  Warn everyone to talk to from this day forward.  Please!

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