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 Bush Gives ThanksPosted on Nov 23, 2007In a special Thanksgiving radio address broadcast from the White House, President George W. Bush asked his fellow Americans to join him in giving thanks for the following things: “My fellow Americans, let’s be thankful for global warming, because as these winter months approach, it makes the world such a nice, toasty place. “Let’s be thankful for all of the food on our tables, unless some of it is from China. “Let’s be thankful that Pakistan will have free and fair elections, and maybe someday we will, too. “Let’s be thankful for the iPhone, except for those losers who actually paid full price for it. “Let’s be grateful that I didn’t take out a subprime mortgage on the White House like Mr. Cheney told me to. “Let’s be thankful that nuclear weapons haven’t fallen into the hands of the wrong people, like Nancy Pelosi or Rosie O’Donnell. “Let’s be thankful that Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert’s writers are on strike, and hopefully will stay that way for the rest of my term in office. “Let’s be thankful that even though my approval numbers are falling, they’re still higher than my grades at Yale. “Let’s be thankful for Guitar Hero III, which really helps you get through those long Cabinet meetings when they’re going on and on about the economy. “Let’s be thankful that our military commanders have nothing bad to say about the war in Iraq until after they’re retired. “Let’s be thankful that in nine months it will be August, and then I can go on summer vacation again. “And finally, my fellow Americans, let’s be thankful that even though Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize, I’m still a lock for the Nobel War Prize.” Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.” © 2007 Creators Syndicate Inc. Elsewhere: . CommentsAre you a Truthdig member yet? Login now, or register with Truthdig. Add Your Comment
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By Margaret from Portland Oregon, November 30, 2007 at 2:42 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
I am thankful that Bush is in his last year as President assuming that something does not happen to keep in office, like a terriorist attack that will keep us in a state of war and when at war this country holds on to presidents, like the likes of Roosevelt, but I am hopefull that we will have an honest election in 08.
I am thankful that we will not have a vice president like Chaney and hopefully our next president will not be a puppet.
Report thisBy Louise, November 25, 2007 at 6:20 pm #
Andy, you forgot a couple:
“Lets be thankful nobody notices the walking wounded in their midst.”
“Lets be thankful nobody has figured out yet they can flip me off and go right ahead and honor the dead when they land At Dover every night. Dear god, I am especially thankful that mommy reminded me seeing and hearing about those dead could clutter up the small mind, was just so, oh ... irrelevant. Besides, it keeps the dummies dumb.”
“And speaking of dumb. Thank you for the democrat leaders in Congress. Thank you for keeping them that way. It makes it easier to spread the bull ... if ya know what I mean ... with a smile on my face. They think I’m the dumb one. Hee-hee.”
Report thisBy QuyTran, November 24, 2007 at 8:39 am #
Barking is his sole language !
Report thisBy jatihoon, November 24, 2007 at 5:05 am #
Be thankful that you live in “AMERICA”. with lot of turkey’s around to shoot, arrest and kill.
Report thisBy troublesum, November 24, 2007 at 4:38 am #
He’s thankful that democrats in congress don’t have the balls they were born with and that most Americans aren’t interested in public affairs as long as they can shop till they drop. He’s thankful that most Americans, including many in congress, have never read the Constitution, don’t know what their rights are and wouldn’t care if they did.
Report thisBy WPutney, November 24, 2007 at 2:54 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Borowitz is again sketching out these pieces under the sheets at night with a flashlight, oblivious to the real news of the day. Why, just last week I was seated at a $1000 -a-plate fundraiser with other Young Republicans when, out of no where, the Priest who had just said Grace before our meal, came up behind veep Cheney and doused him with the consecrated Holy Water. Cheney began twisting and growling, appearing in great pain from the spiritual onslaught. He babbled out a long string of what sounded like words in some way. The words were recorded by a nearby waiter with one of those little pocket tape-recorders and later analyzed by a reputable forensic lab. It turns out the words were not Aramaic spoken in reverse as one might expect, but rather perfectly ordered Aramaic (laced with unlikely references) badly mumbled by the vice president.
Report thisA Church spokesman, asking not to be identified, explained the unexpected plain speaking on the recording. It seems as though Cheney and the devil were both trying to speak backwards at the same time and cancelled each other out.
By thomas Billis, November 24, 2007 at 2:00 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
The President has much to be thankful for
Report thisThat James Buchanan was president or he would be a shooin for last place as a President.
That his mother also looks like his grandmother.
That he was able to clear the cocaine and alcohol out his system that day in the library when he saw Laura.
That the Sercret Service does not publicize his code name.Moron 1.
That Cheneys hand fits snugly up his ass when he is speaking and its Cheney’s marionette show.
That his two daughters will end up marrying Jim Beam and Johnny Walker.
That speaking English is not Constitutionally mandated to be President.
There is more he has to be thankful for but I do not want to sing to the choir too long.