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Reports

Sen. Clinton Beefs Up the Competition

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Posted on Oct 7, 2007

By Andy Borowitz

In a sign of confidence befitting her status as front-runner, Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., today began airing what her aides are calling “extremely vicious attack ads about herself.”

The ads, running in such key early states as New Hampshire and Iowa, take Clinton to task for everything from her position on Iraq to her failed health care proposals of the 1990s to what aides characterized as her “whiny voice and annoying cackle.”

With Clinton showing double-digit leads in many polls and steamrolling her rivals in recent debates, aides said that spending precious campaign funds to attack herself sends a message to voters that the New York senator “feels good about how the campaign is going.”

While negative ads have become commonplace in political campaigns, Sen. Clinton’s bruising ads are believed to be the first time a political candidate has spent her own money to attack herself.

“The American people want a leader,” said Clinton campaign spokesperson Carol Foyler. “And if her rivals won’t come out and attack her, Sen. Clinton is going to show leadership by attacking herself.”

Perhaps in a bid to blunt the effect of Sen. Clinton’s self-attacking ad campaign, Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., today began airing what his aides are calling “his politest ads to date.”

In the ads, a soft-spoken Obama looks into the camera and says, “Sen. Clinton, I am asking you nicely to please stop winning by so much.”

Elsewhere, in his first major proposal on global warming, President Bush today declared war on the sun.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2007 Creators Syndicate Inc.

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By Conservative Yankee, October 11, 2007 at 4:30 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

106104 by M. Delano on 10/10 at 3:22

“One may not agree with everything a representative does, but I find it puzzling to observe the degree of venality that some people direct at her.  I cannot help but wonder whether fear and hatred of women [otherwise known as ‘misogyny’] is playing a part here.”

My State has two women Senators. I have voted for them each time they run. My State had the First woman Senator, and I had the privilege to vote for her in her later years.  Remember the “Declaration of Conscience” That was Margarete Chase Smith’s. She stood up alone against her own party, and told the wide world who Joe McCarthy was!  THAT was a real woman, more concerned about her country than her prospects for re-election.

Tell the truth; do you see that type of spine in Hill-the-business-shill?  If so, please enlighten us.

Report this

By Grappa, October 10, 2007 at 8:54 pm #

its simple, its about power!

Report this

By M. Delano, October 10, 2007 at 3:22 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

I have yet to understand why the people who hate her seem to be so vehement about it.  On the plus side, she’s bright, well informed, experienced and I believe that she cares about human rights, family values and America’s foreign relations which, btw, have been completely destroyed by the current administration.  They may not have been elected, but they didn’t let that stop them from destroying the America we once knew.  One may not agree with everything a representative does, but I find it puzzling to observe the degree of venality that some people direct at her.  I cannot help but wonder whether fear and hatred of women [otherwise known as ‘misogyny’] is playing a part here.

Report this

By boggs, October 8, 2007 at 2:27 pm #

It is true Hilary that americans want a leader, but we want a leader ‘for the people’ not for the Insurance companies who will benefit from your Hilarys Health Plan. We don’t need any more leaders for representing the corporations and the Israel Lobby.
You are the golden girl for the media, you can pay for the most ads on their popular news shows. You can buy the most propaganda, and you can probably fool the most voters with the help of the massive media. Just don’t ever state that you will deal with Israel and Palestine with an EVEN HAND because your media will chew you up and spit you out.
Our elections are but an illusion. They let us think we are voting for the leader, but the media has total control.

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By rage96, October 8, 2007 at 7:45 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

“In a sign of confidence befitting her status as front-runner, Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., today began airing what her aides are calling “extremely vicious attack ads about herself”.” Andy Borowitz

Oh, please! Her opponents are headed directly for the jugglar of this opportunistic shill, with or without her provisions of such weak ammunition. That she has already resorted to defensively exploiting the attacks at her campaign that she needs us to beleive are the most damaging only screams of her desperation, in light of the true baselessness of these statistically twisted polls. Shillary is obviously vexed with the troubling awareness that her cautiously itemized list of political vulnerable points for which she’s willing to endure public critique and castagation is much less useful against her than the dirt, muck, and mire her opponents have already dredged up and are about to catapult at her monied fortress in the coming days of this race toward the first primary election. Polls are not going to be able to save her in the end.

Less than scientific propagandists’ polls told us Sanjaya was a talented entertaining American Idol with a promising future in pop music. The reality was this pretty little twerp couldn’t carry Barry White’s Stayin’ Power CD in a covered plastic pale if the handle was glued to this skinny pinhead’s bony claw with crazy glue. That, and his nose was a little too big to qualify him as a Breck girl, no matter how gorgeous his hair is. Shillary is the Democratic Party’s Sanjaya. The DNC is going to anoint Edwards when the dust settles.

Kucinich in 2008!

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By Conservative Yankee, October 8, 2007 at 5:35 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Senator Business shill EXPLAIN:

Why when you were on the board of Walmart did you not take a position on that company supplying health care to workers, their policy of declaring full time to be a 28 hour week, or suggesting that employees receiving a “living wage” are better citizens?

Why did you advocate, (before your 2000 campaign for the NY Senate seat once held by Robert Kennedy)a pardon for the FALN terrorists who were involved in planting 86 bombs around the greater New York area, and killing six people?

Is your presence on the India caucus beneficial to the average New Yorker whom you are supposed to represent?

Is your advocacy for unlimited H-1b Visas helpful to your citizen constituency?

Is your comment “We lack the talent Microsoft needs” a reflection of how you view 300 million US citizens?

What role do campaign contributions from the health care industry have in your attempts to formulate a health care plan to benefit all U.S. citizens?

How is your vote to grant citizenship to 12 to 20 million criminal aliens beneficial to folks who already work here legally?

Do you give a damn about the average US worker too poor to send you money?

Run THIS attack ad you pompous hypocrite!

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By thomas billis, October 7, 2007 at 2:18 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

She is so far ahead Chelsea Clinton has an exploratory Committee for 2016.
She is so far ahead she is in talks with Ahmadinejab as a possible veep.
She is so far ahead she is giving campaign donations to Rudy Giuliani.
She is so far ahead she is already allowing Bill to interview girls for White House internships.
These may seem far fetched but Democrats have the unerring ability to get in a circle to form a firing squad.

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