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 The Global War on ToddlerismPosted on Sep 30, 2007Fresh on the heels of its reality show “Kid Nation,” in which children are sent to perform hard labor on a ranch with no adult supervision, CBS announced today that it is readying a reality show in which children will be sent to the federal detention camp at Guantanamo. The new program, called “Kid Detention,” is expected to be ready for broadcast in time for November sweeps, with the following promotional slogan: “One detention camp. Forty kids. No lawyers.” CBS said that filming would begin as soon as 40 children are “randomly rounded up.” Within hours of its announcement, CBS found itself under fire from the organization Amnesty International, which warned of possible human rights violations if the children are sent to Guantanamo. In an attempt to rebuff such criticism, CBS spokesperson Carol Foyler told reporters, “Nothing worse is going to happen to those kids than if they were on ‘Two and a Half Men.’ ” Foyler also attempted to dismiss Amnesty International’s complaint that the kids at Guantanamo would not be permitted to have lawyers. “We want to re-create the experience of being detainees, and of course that means no lawyers,” Foyler said. “Besides, just like the other detainees, these kids haven’t been charged with any crime.” If “Kid Detention” takes off in the ratings as expected, Foyler said, the network will launch another series, “Kid Rendition,” in which the children are flown to Egypt for further questioning. Elsewhere, after the president of Columbia University called him a “petty and cruel dictator,” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad denied the existence of Columbia University. Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”
© 2007 Creators Syndicate Inc.
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By not nikki, October 15, 2007 at 5:56 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
How could ANYONE take this seriously? It’s on a blog. Let me guess, if it’s on the internet then it’s true…
Report thisBy rage, October 1, 2007 at 8:48 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Wonder Years: Abu Graib
Report thisBy Rick Brown, October 1, 2007 at 3:36 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
methinks some bullshit detectors need tuning.
Report thisBy Louise, October 1, 2007 at 11:38 am #
#103737 by Conservative Yankee on 10/01 at 4:19 am
Of course it is no joke ... it’s satire. Sometimes the only way you can get people to grasp, or even look at the severity of a problem is to turn it into satire.
Your comments are valuable, and probably never would have been made ... if not for the satire. But an even bigger point is there, beneath the “humor.” How easily the American public has been persuaded to accept the unacceptable!
I’m as disgusted with the so-called judges on the so-called reality shows as I am with the “kids” reality series. I’m even more disgusted by the “voting” public who get off on watching good, talented, hard working people get ripped to shreds in front of a nation of viewing dumbbells. Or is it dumb? Sick ... really sick is more like it.
We abuse and use our children. We abuse and use our adults. We abuse and use our friends and allies. We are a thoroughly corrupt society and that’s no joke.
But, if we didn’t have a little humor to fall back on once in a while, we would ALL be as insane as the far right radical wing-nuts!
Those folks haven’t had a good laugh since the inquisition!
Report thisBy Thomas Billis, October 1, 2007 at 9:20 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
If the morons keep watching this crap it will go further and further.I expect to see Kid Molestation:40 boys dressed as altar boys dropped off at Father Flotksys Catholic Seminary at Pedophilia Arizona.The only help these boys have is Cardinal Bernard Law.Not that molestation is funny but it went on 40 years with law enforcement looking the other way.Everything else is exploited in American society for the glorification of television why not kids.
Report thisBy weather, October 1, 2007 at 4:25 am #
Andy perhaps if your piece really was funny, poor nikkie wouldn’t have taken its import so seriously.
Report thisBy Conservative Yankee, October 1, 2007 at 4:19 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
What’s the big joke?
Children are held in detention centers called “Reform schools” and “Treatment centers” all over the USA. often they are not entitled to lawyers (unless their parents who are occasionally glad to be rid-of-them require representation) and as for the “innocent” part, these children can be locked up for years for offenses which are not “offenses for folks over 18 (See status offenses)This is the dark side of the welfare/incarceration business, and don’t fool yourselves, it makes LOTS of money for political insiders. “secure treatment” costs anywhere from 75K to 250k per child per year....and guess who pays?
Since children are a “protected class” their names never appear in the paper, the public has no right to see their “trial” and no one outside their families and the “system” know they have “disappeared”
But not to worry, they are probably not your children, or children of your friends. They are usually poor, pesky, and without friends,their parents either gone, drunk, or stoned.
Report thisBy John O'Quin, September 30, 2007 at 8:57 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
is that as messed up as I am reading? is this serious? did I miss something?
Report thisBy Louise, September 30, 2007 at 7:26 pm #
In response to criticism from Amnesty International, the International Psychologist Association [Intern Psycho Ass.] has come to the defense of CBS.
President of the Ass., Ima Fruitloop, explained, “CBS has a long standing reputation of fairness to a level of double standard we should all embrace. The only way we can ever hope to uncover the truth about why good people go bad is if we create a few! CBS is doing the American people a favor!” She concluded.
Ms. Fruitloops Intern Psycho Ass. assistant, Hava Bag added. “We are working with the producer of the show to make sure the selection process is correct. All children chosen must be innocent, and from the homes of working poor, single moms. Look at it this way, CBS will be removing a lot of children from the ... rolls.”
When asked for comment, the CEO of CBS responded, “What do I know? I’m to busy counting my millions! How the hell did you get in here anyway?!!”
Report thisBy nikkie, September 30, 2007 at 5:45 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
i dont think cbs should be allowed to send the children to Guantanamo. They’re kids! its just another ploy to get their ratings up and should not be allowed. i approve of kid nation but this new series may have a psychological affect on the children that is not worth higher ratings.
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