Frequently Asked Questions About Gen. Petraeus’ Congressional Testimony:
Q. How did Gen. Petraeus’ testimony in front of Congress go? A. Pretty good. He emphasized that progress was being made in Iraq. The same way he talked about the progress being made in Iraq when he testified in the same room back in 2004. He might be using the same script.
Q. What’s the difference between then and now? A. Back then, Baghdad still had electricity and water and the wheel.
Q. Did Gen. Petraeus speak about what the future holds for our Iraqi involvement? A. He acknowledged the road ahead would be difficult. He also allowed that fire engines are often red.
Q. The general said we have raised the number of trained Iraqi security forces fighting alongside American troops. Is it a significant rise? A. Sixty percent. From five to eight.
Q. Five to eight brigades? Divisions? A. No. Troops. Used to be five guys we could trust. Now it’s eight.
Q. What happened to the Democrats holding the general’s feet to the fire? A. Everyone except Moveon.org scampered away like 12-year-old girls running from a big hairy spider.
Q. What did Moveon.org do? A. They ran a full-page ad in The New York Times spotlighting “General Betray Us.”
Q. Why? A. How often do you get a rhyme like that? Once in a lifetime shot; they took it.
Q. Doesn’t the latest national intelligence estimate report Iraq’s government is paralyzed by internal squabbling and petty personal differences? A. Yes, so if you think about it, we have made strides in installing an American-style democracy.
Q. Did the general really respond to whether our intervention in Iraq was making America safer, by saying, “Uh, I don’t know, actually?” A. Yeah. So?
Q. Nothing. Just curious. A. Well, move on. I mean, keep going.
Q. What does the general mean when he says security gains since the “surge” have been “uneven.” A. “Uneven” is traditional Pentagon-speak for “getting our butts handed to us on a paper plate.”
Q. What about those benchmarks that were oh-so-important in January? A. Turns out they weren’t really all that important. What is important is other stuff. Stuff that looks good right now.
Advertisement
Q. The president called the insurgents in Iraq, al-Qaida 12 times in his speech. What’s up with that? A. A small group calls itself al-Qaida of Iraq, but it’s not the same al-Qaida responsible for 9/11. Surfing off the credibility of the name. Kind of like a terrorism franchise.
Q. Does fighting one hurt the other? A. There used to be two teams in the Canadian Football League called the Red Ryders. But if you beat one, it didn’t mean you got credit for two victories in the standings.
Q. What ever happened to “we’ll step down when the Iraqis step up?” A. Someone stole the steps.
Q. Was a timetable provided for reducing troops in Iraq? A. Nothing clear-cut. Something to do with snow and hell.
Q. And the upshot of the whole thing? A. Gen. Petraeus asked for more time. He’s hoping to come back in March with a new report.
Q. So, they’re just going to keep kicking the dead cat down the road. Until when, do you think? A. Does Nov. 4, 2008 have any meaning here?
Q. Is that a question? A. Sorry, no.
Comedian, actor, writer, former radio talk-show host and forklift driver Will Durst thinks Bush’s model for Iraq was made in Korea and will break in less than a week.
Catch Will Durst performing his solo show “The All-American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing” off-Broadway at the New World Stages (340 W. 50th St.), extended through the end of October. Log on to willdurst.com for more info. Listen to his twice-weekly commentaries at audible.com/willdurst. And check out iTunes audiobooks for his new CD: “Ring Toss for Aliens,” for a limited time—only $4.95. E-mail Will at durst@caglecartoons.com.
If you have trouble leaving a comment, review this help page. Still having problems? Let us know. If you find yourself moderated, take a moment to review our comment policy.
By Lily Maskew, September 18, 2007 at 2:14 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
This administration has lied to us before. Why are they so surprised that we won’t believe them about the validity of the “surge?” Crying Wolf doesn’t pay.
I was going to mention the Rough Riders (Saskatchewan and Ottawa) as opposed to the Red Ryders, but a nimble-fingered poster got there before me. Ah, fleeting glory…
To some people, everything to do with Canada is “red”, but the newly minted (neo)Conservative minority Prime Minister Stephen Harper is doing his best to send the country back to the middle ages, to good and evil, to the “shoot first and ask questions later” mentality.
Read this pile of verbal diarrhoea (can you have a pile of verbal diarrhoea?) from Canada’s very own Ann Coulter clone, Rachel Marsden, that sets out her views on Petraeus and Bush. Where do these people come from? I think I’m losing hope.
we’ve had the purge, then the surge, next the merge…
the last of them must be the dirge, which has already been played for nearly 4,000 Americans and probably a million innocent Iraqis, if there ever was such a thing as an innocent Iraqi.
Didn’t Betrayus say that the insurgency is in its last throes? Didn’t he claim victory by saying that the mission was accomplished? Or was his performance like my San Francisco 49ers rallying cry, “Wait ‘til next year!”?
I understand that Alan Greenscum has quickly recanted what he wrote (in his book) about the Iraq invasion being largely about oil. He says now that he didn’t mean oil, he meant vinegar. He is running away from his own words so fast that even Mitchell cannot catch him.
“Q. Does fighting one hurt the other?
A. There used to be two teams in the Canadian Football League called the Red Ryders. But if you beat one, it didnt mean you got credit for two victories in the standings.”
Although it is a good joke, there were two CFL teams called the “Rough Riders” - not the “Red Ryders”. Apparently, the Red Ryder was a comic book cowboy in the 1940s.
The Surge(tm) working is such a joke that I now greet soldiers here in Baghdad with it.
Them: “What’s up?”
Me: “Same ol’ same ol’, but at least the Surge is working.”
The joke is, we know it’s not working. We knew it wouldn’t work beforehand.
If a strategy is working, you keep using it. Since Petraeus is recommending that the surge(tm) brigade redeploy on time and W is expected to abide by it, it’s a pretty tacit admission of failure.
Granted, if the Generals really had their way, we’d ALL be here and not go home until it was won [again].
What the General didn’t say is that not one of the “gains” we’ve been having was worth the blood of our soldiers, and the Iraqis fighting Al-Qaeda? That’s only proof that they can defend and govern themselves.
All this reconstruction? Parks? Hospitals? He means to tell us that this “progress” couldn’t have been made without bloodshed?
With out Gonzo, Bush has a new partner. The General said ” security gains since the surge have been uneven. and Bush says the war is “evolving.” So this means the war is evolving unevenly, or the war is unevenly evolving? What a hoot! So this is mission accomplised, we are turning the corner?
The Bush administration has been nothing but a bunch of one liners. So sad.
The hell of it is, that could have been an actual briefing by the Presidents’ designated Liar…er Press Agent.
Many R’s are incensed here in East Texas,and elsewhere, over the ‘shabby’ treatment afforded Petraeus.
The shabby treatment that their hired guns afforded John Kerry was an entirely different matter, though.
The shabby treatment afforded wounded soldier’s at Walter Reed was due to the dern Democrat’s. Details of that lie are still being worked out.
Made me sad when I read the part about Dem’s running like 12yo girls from a hairy spider…sad because it had an element of truth to it.
Yeah, some bad mouthed Petraeus at the hearing, but when it comes to doing the right thing, they borrow Shrubs’ ‘just be patient’ strategy. Bummer.
Letter From Birmingham Jail
Email 
Print
Share
Email to a friend
Newsletter 
Like Us
Follow Us
Get Our Feed
By Lily Maskew, September 18, 2007 at 2:14 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
This administration has lied to us before. Why are they so surprised that we won’t believe them about the validity of the “surge?” Crying Wolf doesn’t pay.
Report thisBy C Quil, September 17, 2007 at 9:19 am Link to this comment
I was going to mention the Rough Riders (Saskatchewan and Ottawa) as opposed to the Red Ryders, but a nimble-fingered poster got there before me. Ah, fleeting glory…
To some people, everything to do with Canada is “red”, but the newly minted (neo)Conservative minority Prime Minister Stephen Harper is doing his best to send the country back to the middle ages, to good and evil, to the “shoot first and ask questions later” mentality.
Read this pile of verbal diarrhoea (can you have a pile of verbal diarrhoea?) from Canada’s very own Ann Coulter clone, Rachel Marsden, that sets out her views on Petraeus and Bush. Where do these people come from? I think I’m losing hope.
http://www.torontosun.com/News/Columnists/Marsden_Rachel/2007/09/17/4502853-sun.php
Report thisBy SamSnedegar, September 17, 2007 at 8:45 am Link to this comment
we’ve had the purge, then the surge, next the merge…
the last of them must be the dirge, which has already been played for nearly 4,000 Americans and probably a million innocent Iraqis, if there ever was such a thing as an innocent Iraqi.
Didn’t Betrayus say that the insurgency is in its last throes? Didn’t he claim victory by saying that the mission was accomplished? Or was his performance like my San Francisco 49ers rallying cry, “Wait ‘til next year!”?
I understand that Alan Greenscum has quickly recanted what he wrote (in his book) about the Iraq invasion being largely about oil. He says now that he didn’t mean oil, he meant vinegar. He is running away from his own words so fast that even Mitchell cannot catch him.
Report thisBy Frikken Kids, September 17, 2007 at 5:49 am Link to this comment
I only have one problem with this article.
“Q. Does fighting one hurt the other?
A. There used to be two teams in the Canadian Football League called the Red Ryders. But if you beat one, it didnt mean you got credit for two victories in the standings.”
Although it is a good joke, there were two CFL teams called the “Rough Riders” - not the “Red Ryders”. Apparently, the Red Ryder was a comic book cowboy in the 1940s.
Report thisBy ShockandAwe, September 17, 2007 at 5:10 am Link to this comment
The Surge(tm) working is such a joke that I now greet soldiers here in Baghdad with it.
Them: “What’s up?”
Me: “Same ol’ same ol’, but at least the Surge is working.”
The joke is, we know it’s not working. We knew it wouldn’t work beforehand.
If a strategy is working, you keep using it. Since Petraeus is recommending that the surge(tm) brigade redeploy on time and W is expected to abide by it, it’s a pretty tacit admission of failure.
Granted, if the Generals really had their way, we’d ALL be here and not go home until it was won [again].
What the General didn’t say is that not one of the “gains” we’ve been having was worth the blood of our soldiers, and the Iraqis fighting Al-Qaeda? That’s only proof that they can defend and govern themselves.
All this reconstruction? Parks? Hospitals? He means to tell us that this “progress” couldn’t have been made without bloodshed?
American Blood, Iraqi Freedom!
Report thisBy Marjorie L. Swanson, September 17, 2007 at 4:29 am Link to this comment
Most of what Durst said and says is the truth. Just wrapped up in funny bits to keep us all from crying at what has become of our country.
Report thisBy Leefeller, September 17, 2007 at 12:58 am Link to this comment
With out Gonzo, Bush has a new partner. The General said ” security gains since the surge have been uneven. and Bush says the war is “evolving.” So this means the war is evolving unevenly, or the war is unevenly evolving? What a hoot! So this is mission accomplised, we are turning the corner?
The Bush administration has been nothing but a bunch of one liners. So sad.
Report thisBy farmertx, September 17, 2007 at 12:05 am Link to this comment
The hell of it is, that could have been an actual briefing by the Presidents’ designated Liar…er Press Agent.
Report thisMany R’s are incensed here in East Texas,and elsewhere, over the ‘shabby’ treatment afforded Petraeus.
The shabby treatment that their hired guns afforded John Kerry was an entirely different matter, though.
The shabby treatment afforded wounded soldier’s at Walter Reed was due to the dern Democrat’s. Details of that lie are still being worked out.
Made me sad when I read the part about Dem’s running like 12yo girls from a hairy spider…sad because it had an element of truth to it.
Yeah, some bad mouthed Petraeus at the hearing, but when it comes to doing the right thing, they borrow Shrubs’ ‘just be patient’ strategy. Bummer.