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 Domestic Surveillance Begins at HomePosted on Sep 2, 2007Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned Monday, effective immediately, telling reporters that he wanted to spend more time eavesdropping on his family. Mr. Gonzales, a champion of domestic surveillance and warrantless wiretaps while in office, said he was “totally stoked” about turning his prying eyes on his own family. “Domestic surveillance begins at home,” Mr. Gonzales said at a White House press conference. “That means nobody in my family is above suspicion, not even the little ones,” an apparent reference to Mr. Gonzales’ children. Standing by Mr. Gonzales’ side, President George W. Bush praised his former attorney general, singling out his “courage” for ramping up his domestic spying program on his own family. “If every head of every household was as willing to eavesdrop on his own family as my man Alberto is, we wouldn’t need a Homeland Security Department,” Mr. Bush chuckled. Mr. Gonzales was noncommittal when a reporter asked him a question about the role that waterboarding and other forms of torture might play in his interrogation of family members. “Nothing is off the table,” he said. Asked about his tenure as attorney general, Mr. Gonzales was candid about his stormy time in office: “Frankly, I can’t believe it took this long for them to can me.” Elsewhere, the National Football League released an official statement stressing its opposition to hurting animals while reaffirming its support for hurting humans. Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.” © 2007 Creators Syndicate Inc. Previous item: Don't Ask, Don't Kvell Next item: The Next Quagmire Elsewhere: . CommentsAre you a Truthdig member yet? Login now, or register with Truthdig. Add Your Comment |
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Copyright © 2008 Truthdig, L.L.C. All rights reserved.
By Zena, September 9, 2007 at 11:09 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
It has gotten to the point I’m afraid to change clothes in the daylight.....
Report thisBy Dan Uu Noel, September 8, 2007 at 8:38 pm #
Nice humor! Too bad it is dark. But maybe Alberto Gonzales can use it in his defense when he is invited to defend himself in court.
Kindly remember that Amnesty International has asked that in case the United States remains unwilling to bring Gonzales to trial for the human rights violations he is responsible for, any country that ratified the United Nations’ Convention Against Torture would have an obligation to do so should it find him on its territory.
Love,
Report thisBy THOMAS BILLIS, September 4, 2007 at 5:31 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Alberto Gonzales as attorney general is about the worst thing I can imagine next to walking into court and finding out he had been appointed to my case.
Report thisBy PAIDTRIOT, September 3, 2007 at 12:07 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Andy,
Your hatred of all things wholesome is eye opening. And now that my eyes are open, I can respond. We cannot be trusted, America. We need watching. Look at the things we say on this site. How can the government do their business without a birdseye lowdown on us.
Report thisBy QuyTran, September 2, 2007 at 5:36 pm #
Domestic surveillance begins under toilet seat !
Report thisBy purplewolf, September 2, 2007 at 10:41 am #
If only the Bushies had kept better surveillance on their cocaine headed,drunken,nut job of a sprout they call their son.
And if only Mr.and Mrs.Cheney had reported to authorities when their son Dick started to shoot the neighbors small children with the Red Ryder BB gun which they bought him for Christmas one year.
And to show my respect and appreciation for all those goverment spies who view all those surveillance cameras all over the country,which they claim keep us safer,I will continue to honor you with the one finger salute everytime I drive be them.
Report thisBy RAE, September 2, 2007 at 9:29 am #
Thanks, Andy… this world at these times needs all the chuckles it can get. We’re wound far too tight!
Report thisBy Louise, September 2, 2007 at 6:05 am #
Following the joint Bush/Gonzales press conference, main stream media descended on the Gonzales residence for family comment, only to find nobody home.
According to a source close to the family who prefers to remain anonymous, the wife and kiddies have boogied out of town.
“For their own safety, and for the safety of friends and extended family members, they have gone into permanent hiding,” he said.
When asked if they would give a press conference in the near future, he responded, “No way Hozay! You main stream media folks will blow their cover!”
However, just before he slammed the door in their face, he did indicate they had been in touch with Democracy Now. Leaving puzzled press, TV reporters and camera crew standing on the stoop, with the scoop ...
Report this“They have left the republican party and have decided to become democrats now!”