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 Scooter’s Deal Is the American DreamPosted on Jul 14, 2007In a development that could complicate the Bush administration’s position on immigration, millions of illegal immigrants over the past few days have sought an amnesty deal similar to the one obtained by the former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby. Just hours after President George W. Bush commuted Mr. Libby’s prison sentence, news of the deal spread like wildfire through the illegal immigrant community, inspiring many who have sought amnesty to view Mr. Libby as a beacon of hope. According to reports, immigration officials across the country have been deluged in recent days by illegal aliens willing to plead guilty to perjury in exchange for a deal similar to Mr. Libby’s.
The former chief of staff’s story has become so compelling, in fact, that Mr. Libby himself has become something of a folk hero to illegal immigrants across the United States
“If I get an amnesty deal, I will owe it all to El Libbre,” said Juan Carmelo Gutierrez, 35, who plans to plead guilty to perjury this week. But “not so fast,” says White House spokesman Tony Snow, who today tried to pour cold water on the plans of illegal immigrants hoping to follow in Mr. Libby’s footsteps: “Before these folks expect to get Scooter’s deal, they should ask themselves, ‘Can I cut a check for $250,000?’ ” Elsewhere, people with no lives have stopped waiting in line for the iPhone and started waiting in line for the new Harry Potter book. SHARE THIS TRUTHDIG ARTICLE:
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Confronting the Terrorist Within
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Jump to Comments
By hardnose, July 16, 2007 at 6:50 pm #
Skruff, my mistake. He attended the Univ. of Pittsburgh, but represented Ohio.
Report thisBy rage, July 16, 2007 at 5:45 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
I know Scooter’s deal is my cousin Scoota’s dream. Scoota Jenkins, a parttime barber, basement tatoo artist, and full time Burg King Employee on MLK Boulevard, got strung up for having weed buds in the ashtray of his ride. Scoota swears that those weren’t his buds. Still, Scoota’ wound up in County, and is now praying for a Presidential commutation of his 15 months. Scoo has begun a letter-writing campaign. Cuz is hoping his description of county jail-birding in general population is graphic enough to be Presidentially considered to be unconstitutionally cruel and unusual enough to get him off on this his first time caught. Cuz is keeping hope alive. After all, it was just roach butts, which are not a threat to National Security, like outing a spy.
Report thisBy Thone, July 16, 2007 at 2:31 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Ref: #87076 by mightypup on 7/15 at 11:02 am
Mighty pup has been eating too many table scraps. The leak about Valerie Plame’s position was referred by the CIA to the FBI for criminal investigation. It was a criminal investigation that took place and Libby’s lying, perjury, and obstruction of the investigation took place during the criminal investigation. That is the truth and has been established beyond a doubt. What more is needed? The conversion of a prime right-wing commentator to acknowledging the truth, perhaps? That will never happen. More Kibble, anyone?
Report thisBy Chaseme, July 16, 2007 at 7:21 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
It seems the republicans still have a strong-hold on the Homophobes and Xenophobes; all the while, they’re getting fuck up the ass by Justice Clarence Thomas.
It’s a mighty, mighty shame!
Report thisBy Skruff, July 16, 2007 at 5:55 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
87100 by hardnose on 7/15 at 1:38 pm
“What about the guy from Pa., Traficant”
James Traficant was an Ohio (not Pennsylvania) congressman
Report thisBy hardnose, July 15, 2007 at 1:38 pm #
Golly gee whiz, I guess that means ALL convicted in a Federal Court are eligible to have their sentences commuted. After all fair is fair. What about the guy from Pa., Traficant, I suppose he stepped on too many toes, hey? He should be pardoned!!!
Report thisBy mightypup, July 15, 2007 at 11:02 am #
Now this is almost laughable… after all, you can’t claim Bush is being hypocritical since he did support the amnesty of illegal aliens, it just wasn’t within his power to grant it. I fully support Bush pardon of Libby, in fact, he didn’t go far enough nor soon enough. Libby should have never gone to trial in the first place. That was a travesty of justice that a man is put on trial for allegedly lying about a crime that NEVER happened. The prosecutor knew from the start that it was a democrat icon, Armitage, that revealed Plame and he was never charged. Why? Because “outing” Plame was not a crime in the first place!
Report thisBy Chaseme, July 15, 2007 at 8:09 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
This administration’s decision to commute libby has to be one of the worst examples of bullshit of our time, one of those that sign, definitively, the death warrant of justice.
Report thisBy Skruff, July 15, 2007 at 6:16 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
here in Maine it is against the law to pay a “moving violation” fine for another. This means that if I can not affort the $160 for exceeding the speed limit by less than 20 MPH, I can not (by law) ask my friends for money to pay this fine.
TRUE this is to prevent errent teens from getting the money from their parents, BUT it remains law for all.
Maybe we should consider a similar law for politicians who get caught lying???
Report thisBy weather, July 15, 2007 at 3:33 am #
Improve America:
Drop ship both Libby and Borowitz in the sands of Iraq. May they wash the feet of the men and women serving there.
Report thisBy farmertx, July 14, 2007 at 8:26 pm #
TomB.
Report thisYou forget that this type of deal is only applicable to higher ranking Republican’s. Others need not apply.
By Louise, July 14, 2007 at 6:27 pm #
Libby having been fully de-memorized has received word of his new “hero” status.
“I don’t know what to say!” He said. “I don’t know what I did. But if it was a good thing and it will help the helpless I might consider doing it again!”
Meanwhile fearful immigration stalkers allover the nation expressed alarm at the news Libby had become “El Libbre” the hero of the hero-less. Seems they are so consumed with their prejudice against humor they fear this idea may take hold!
However, a drive has begun among the upper-uber to raise funds to create the new “Comic Relief as Therapy” Center, to be located deep in the heart of Texas. “We feel there is quite enough misery among the homeless and the illegal,” said Bee Happy, spokesperson for the group. “We are dedicated to doing whatever it takes to help those who are neither learn to laugh!”
Report this“Living without laughter is far worse than living without hope!” She concluded.
By DennisD, July 14, 2007 at 3:38 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Before these folks expect to get Scooters deal, they should ask themselves, Can I cut a check for $250,000? - You really don’t think El Libbre cut that check do you Andy. As for the illegals, they’ve already got the American taxpayer paying their tab.
Report thisBy THOMAS BILLIS, July 14, 2007 at 2:53 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Mr Borowitz you jest about a serious ramification for our society.This one move by the President gives all of us out here who are confirmed liars hope.For too long we have been looked down on as not the equal of truthtellers that we were somehow second class citizens.Well like the illegal Mexicans we finally have a hero.Finally a picture for lawyers and other liars to hang on their walls.To point to with pride he is one of us and a hero.Yes Mr President you have emancipated a segment of your population and you should be commended for it.It may be a small step in our emancipation but it all starts somewhere.Long Live King George and his court jester Scooter.
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